This helps weed out the weak.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolaterush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
This is dope. (Yes, weed is illegal in India)
πŸ‘︎ 123
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Indigo_Samurott
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...

I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.

πŸ‘︎ 158
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeball
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you're addicted sea weed?

Sea kelp....

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy

but it was all just smoke and mirrors.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to watch her plants when I sprayed the weed killer.

I've been watching them for an hour now and I don't see what's so interesting about them.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LetterZee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
My friend and I are starting a weed farm

It's a joint operation

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thats_awkward_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
My son got mad after I called his weed stupid

I said "Jeez cant you take a toke ?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datdragonfruittho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my weed...

I'm feeling very dis-jointed.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Thinking about opening a hotel for weed smokers.

I’m gone call it Swisha Suites. Lol!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MLSlate1324
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
Grandma took my weed so I took her wheelchair.

Neither of us is rolling.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
What is a mexican fish's favorite weed?

Si weed

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edgydonut
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Someone on weed said I look good.

It was high praise.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
There was a fire in the illegal weed farm which trapped some cows.

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Team_Pineapple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
So I tried to smuggle weed to saudi arabia...

... almost got stoned.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her

I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KillRespectively1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Smoking weed in an oven...

Is a good way to get baked

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Dad was too cheap to buy weed killer, so he made us kids jump on weeds to control them. He always told me:

Only you can stamp out domestic violets.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
What should you do if you’re addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
People were getting mad at me for giving my horse weed...

So they told me to get off my high horse

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/revaforce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
So I was looking to get some weed the other day...

So I was looking to get some weed the other day, and I asked my buddy if he had any recommendations since I wasn't really feeling like hitting a bong or joint. My buddy he suggests dabs, said he had a buddy named Yaba who sold good stuff. I wasn't convinced since I'm not a big user. But he assured me it would be great. He tells me "A Yaba-Dab-will-do-ya"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Itchy_Horse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
There's a new, fast weed delivery service, made especially for cooks...

It's called Instant Pot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
If you die from smoking weed does that mean that you were killed by a blunt object?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cops that found large amounts of weed hidden in a bra?

Apparently, it was their biggest bust

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Video title: Neil deGrasse Tyson defends Elon Musk smoking Weed
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saiib0t
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a weed dealer in a suit?

A cannabusinessman!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LarsDiamond
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
I'm opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts

It's called "Glazed and Confused"

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jainator that smokes a lot of weed?

High maintenance.

Sorry if this is a repost.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SGTasseater69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my brother really tries to quit smoking weed,

but it's hard, being cojoint twins.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GobAteMyHamster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
My cocky jockey friend likes to brag about how he gets to smoke weed while on the job.

I told him to get off his high horse.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrankDaTank787
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Wanna know how to grow weed fast?

Instant Pot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sTroPkIN
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Weed killers

I think we should Round-Up anyone who makes cancerous weed killers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wizard that's on weed?

Weedzard

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but unfortunately I had to stop.

The steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eltothebee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What sound does a weed bell make?

Bong

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CartertheFarter87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When you smoke weed next to your friend Melissa
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moosesurgeon12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
An Imam died from smoking a lot of weed.

I guess he was stoned to death.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil_Fell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My yard's overrun with weeds so thick they broke my mower.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When short people smoke weed do they get high or medium?

Asking for a mate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faix_pass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
when the guys you instructed to sow seeds over your lawn also remove all the weeds from it -
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElnMusk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
That's actually one way to weed out Candidates.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiefSahib
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose

marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder why weed killer doesn't kill as many weeds as advertised?

Turns out they always Round Up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sad-Crow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm OK with cigarettes, alcohol and weed, but cocaine is where I draw the line
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
As weed legality gets better, I still cannot believe...

that I haven't heard of a single dispensary referring to itself as a "cannabusiness"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cuon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the weed smoker bake?

Pot pie.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mein-Kampf-2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Do French people smoke weed, or oui’d? reddit.com/r/trees/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lowesbrandbum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My parents found my weed edibles again.

I'll have to hide my dandelion salads elsewhere.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wer190
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an old computer that smokes weed?

A baked potato

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoodja42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If smoking weed was illegal in the 8th century

you could get stoned for getting stoned

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheezypeezy123
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Who was arrested for weed possession during the Black Death?

The executioner. He was always stoning people.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ballsticseal
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What school does non-weed smokers go to to learn how to smoke?

High school

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day, I tried to get a water feeling reptile that smoked weed back to its home, but it attacked me.

I'm not good with crock pots.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grett_Britters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
People say weed causes memory loss

That’s nonsense,next thing they’ll say is that weed causes memory loss

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I was recently smoking weed on the floor. My wife asked me what i was doing. And i said:

I have the high ground!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gujd97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Puns sprouting up like weeds
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
If you died from an overdose of weed, would you be gravestoned?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FluffyBoy3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I caught my cows smoking weed

The steaks were high

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
People who smoke weed are good gamblers

They always roll high

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goodfacts192837
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I once overcharged a guy while selling him weed

He paid up, but he did say the price was pretty high

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/W-eye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The French don’t smoke weed.

They smoke oui’d

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KirikouIsBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
An Arabian woman got punished for smoking weed ...

She was stoned.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Correcc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you do when when you have more weeds than you can count.

You just Round up

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
An Italian notices that his lawn is full of weeds. He exclaims,

MILAN!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TeaAndBubbles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
When cant the cops arrest you for smoking weed?

On highway

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aSnowBall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hearing impaired person who smokes weed

Hi-def

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the blade that smoked weed?

He is a buzzed saw.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I always smoke some weed before showing up at the airport

I like to fly high

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What'd you call a marker that smokes weed?

A highlighter

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blep_bloop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to clear the weeds on my allotment by setting fire the to the patch with petrol

I've been told that I'm losing the plot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nsefan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Stastistics show the most common type of weed found in traffic stops is Indica

I'll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you mix together a bunch of weed?

Potpourri.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVoiceOverDude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We got ourselves some cat weed otherwise known as

Meowajuana

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MLGBANANABUS
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my stockbroker smokes weed.

He says he likes to buy low and sell high.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Looks like weed stocks

Are getting high today

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanicOnion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I named my big cat Dan because he likes small weed-like flowers

Dan de lion

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_otterinabox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens if you smoke too much weed in space?

You get the moonchies.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakinBacon64
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the cows keep returning to the weed field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think I’m starting to get a pot-belly.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basketofgravy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
If you smoke weed in a plane are you twice as high
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imthenoah00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do Jedis smoke weed?

So they can have the high ground.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when 12:00 smokes weed?

It becomes high noon

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SBSisUnique
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
In the 1970s farmers attempted giving weed to cows in order to improve milk production. However, they concluded the steaks were too high.
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RndmRanger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad once asked me "Son, do you know why statues don't smoke weed?"

And I said "No dad, why?" And then he said "Because they are stoned all the time"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HaxxTheFoxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever I have to count the weeds in my yard,

I use the Round Up method.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nate_hawwk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke on /r/news: Russia says Canada weed legalization is a breach of international responsibility
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SergePower
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I noticed some really nasty weeds in my yard.

I tried my gas-powered trimmer, which is normally up to the task, but I couldn't cut through them.

I tried using my mower to tear them up, but it couldn't make a dent.

I got out the manual tree branch trimmer to try to take out some of the bigger stalks, but I just couldn't cut through.

Finally, I got out my chainsaw, and even then, the thicket just clogged it up & wouldn't go down.

I give up.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/popegonzo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I prefer to drink tea made from a marsupial that smoked a bunch of weed.

It's the only way I know to have high koala tea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kahmeleon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I hope these guys weed out the competition with their new business endeavor
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/subversiveasset
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the son tell his dad after a piece of sea weed wrapped around his leg while he was swimming

Sea kelp

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TarkArt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a new weed-whacker today...

It's cutting hedge technology...

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
🚨︎ report

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