Shit pun
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Shit is going down... imgur.com/1jTkIBf
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
He has seen some shit...
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rectangularbear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
I took a shit today

The dude who i took it from got a restraining order

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bllop-a-doop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
So no shit here I am

This just happened to me lmao. I'm here with my wife and 5 y/o daughter about to sit down and eat.

Daughter: what movie are we going to watch. (We mentioned maybe watching one earlier) Me: it's this new cartoon movie called nunya

Literally 1 second later Daughter: nunya business.... Me: DDAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG

What an awesome feeling lol

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haagimus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
Whorey shit!
πŸ‘︎ 163
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seesakogoli
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
The most holy of shits
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuanGaff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know shit about fuck
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aditya_uddagiri
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
A shit joke
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prabeshdai13
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
OH SHIT
πŸ‘︎ 244
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeAceNfuCk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
The song that my nose shit sings to my fingers when it's about to be flicked away youtube.com/watch?v=h2jvH…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanitizem8
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
The most holy of shits
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuanGaff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement' because we were shit...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoghead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Sir, I'm Sikh. - Oh shit man, get well soon. (Especially funny with Australian accent, as Sikh and sick sound the same. Also funny because of how many people mistake Sikhs for Muslims. In no way intended to insult anyone for their beliefs. Just a funny pun.)
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mutedloquacity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Make some noise for fake shit
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit o

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a5paperblank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Sucking the shit outta the pipe
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qomzt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Pavlov is sitting at the bar, drinking a beer, when suddenly the phone rings. β€œOh shit!” he yells, jumping off the stool.

β€œI forgot to feed the dog!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Piece of shit?

My friend: Pick a number, 1 or 2

Me: 2

Him: You sure?

Me: Why, is it a piece of shit?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrNekoSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Doctor, will i be able to shit tomorrow?

I don't know. I'm not a asstrologist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shitson1310
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Hi "Gonna lose my shit if you keep up with the dad jokes..."

I'm dad πŸ€—

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimmyTesticles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
If you shit on an elevator, you are taking shit to a whole new level.
πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealBinLaden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Man claims unfair lifetime ban from curry house for calling Chicken Tika Masala shit...

The chef said it’s Korma.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WasntSureAtFirst
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
I replaced my cats litter with pop rocks to scare the shit out of her

Litterally

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenpaiRemling
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Shit tier news article straitstimes.com/singapor…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SYLOH
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Next level shit
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oh_no_bro3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
man remember when we got knocked out of the world cup, shit wasn't fair..

They made us play against Trinidad AND Tobago

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teakilla
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Papa shit blesses you
πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ash019260
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to shit post every once and awhile.
πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aztec_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Shit just got real

( √ (-shit) )^(2)

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one goose ask the other after looking at the shit on the road?

Goose shit is this?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadLogarithm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
When Jesus poops, is it a holy shit?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Douche_McCracken
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy shit
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thotpatrol65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy shit
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Shit

I don’t often tell dad jokes, but when I do. He laughs

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
In my line of work you get to see some serious shit

I work at a sewage treatment plant

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bewer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dankmemes is shit but sometimes it surprises me
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apenibba2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Toilets deserve a break because they are always getting shit on
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiologicalMontana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/njh1011
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the newest shit show that made it on Broadway?

It’s called Feces the Musical.

I heard it got crap reviews.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcduncanxc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
So I saw a sign on a toilet that said it was built to shit,

I kinda thought that was crappy advertising.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hedgiehogs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I animated this poster. Oh shit it's -
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi_Hows_Life
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I once heard a man insult the loveable Terry Crews. I waanted to beat the shit out of him, but I knew karmic justice would judge him fairly.

He died from dysentery.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just dad joked the shit out of me...SOS

Wife: It's Sunday, we have to go back to work tomorrow.

Me: Yeah, at least it's jeans week next week.

Wife: Wait, so it's Jean's week for you next week?

Me: That's what I just said.

Wife: cocks eyebrow So it's my week???

Me: ...

Send help. I'm still in shock from my wife (Jean) pulling this epic dad joke off on me.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FluckDambe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Found on β€œI thought I farted, but I shit”
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManofSheerBoredom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
This is some serious meta shit
πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdEie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a shit takes a stand for what it believes in?

A Bowel Movement

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I swear I can't take no more shit from anybody
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_Noob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gaizar1027
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy shit! Wtf has happened to this sub?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
People with diarrhea literally don't have their shit together.

Bu they're having a blast.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nizo_GTO
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺwhen you’re using all your might to fight back the apocalypse but after a while you’re like β€œoh shit, Armageddon tired”‬
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerMaster5000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Shit
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MATA321
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad literary banged on the toilet window and shouted, "Did I scare the shit outta ya?"
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StaticSyCo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If you don't give a shit, you're happy

Just kidding, you've constipation

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikekhan7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
ive pissed and shit
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nws4c
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
This shit is bananas
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh shit!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Proctologists make shit happen.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nemorianism
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Toilet paper gets a lot more shit than it deserves...
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptor_73789
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My shift key has worn to shit.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XavierCatlow
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Im going to be a rapper called Lil Shit

When people ask why i will say i get inspired by what my mom calls me

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CommunismBoi111
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The fanciest of shits
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Good shit (credit to u/K2VIIN)
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Girls who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of shit reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lelushky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Toilet paper gets way more shit than it deserves
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clazyy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Must be a shit-talk-e mushroom.
πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My puns are pretty SHIT (BTW the original post is at the top of r/askreddit)
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroDefault
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
This shit drives me up the fucking wall
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tttulio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Getting a turn of phrase right is not something I take a shit about
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Real shit
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Awsaf_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy Shit
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach2072
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I beat the shit out of my phone everyday to make it work

It runs on battery

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I got fired from shoveling pig shit for chewing bubble gum at work...

It left a bad taste in my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SixPhalaris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
History is amazing for shit like this:
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œβ€˜Holy’ Shit”
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iGlitchz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Your full of shit
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tim1a
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy Shit

(n) /ˈhoʊli ΚƒΙͺt/ - Solid biological waste excreted from a cow in India.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I guess they didn’t give a shit before 1950...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeniusMoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call leftover shit stains in the toilet bowl?

β€œResidoo-doo”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tacttertion
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
This is shit

if you rearrange it

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Asian_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
People with constipation are just full of shit
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apoorvaShrini
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was beating the shit out of a grape the other day

It let out a little wh(INE)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/txnt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My 5-year-old niece is a little shit.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.


Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
🚨︎ report

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