Dump Puns

A list of puns related to "Dump"

I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...

to a no-fly zone

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👤︎ u/THPSROCKS
📅︎ Jun 04 2021
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I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."

She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."

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👤︎ u/Fukface_Von_Clwnstik
📅︎ May 12 2021
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If you take a dump on a stump...

Does that make it a toilet tree?

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👤︎ u/theoddfind
📅︎ Dec 15 2020
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Why did the oyster's girlfriend dump him?

He was shellfish in the seabed

No, my 4 year old son didn't write this. I did.

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👤︎ u/NumberOneRussian
📅︎ Feb 02 2021
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If you squat on a stump and take a dump....

Is it considered a toilet-tree?

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👤︎ u/Rj17141
📅︎ Jan 07 2021
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My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.

"That shit is getting old," I told him.

PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?

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👤︎ u/cja1968
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
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My ex hated language, so I had to dump her.

I couldn't be with someone who was anti-semantic.

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👤︎ u/SuicidalNomad
📅︎ Jul 21 2020
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After a long day I want to take a dump as soon as I get home, but it's not my first order of business.

That's #2 on my list.

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👤︎ u/JoeFas
📅︎ Sep 06 2020
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Why did Winnie the Pooh take a dump in the elevator?

He wanted to take his shit to the next level.

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👤︎ u/winkelschleifer
📅︎ May 06 2020
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I saw a group of crows hanging out at the dump

It was a murder most fowl!

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👤︎ u/herdertree
📅︎ Apr 14 2020
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So proud of my daughter! We’re watching the dog desperately trying to get the cat to play with her. Me: “Dog can’t hang because she’s a dump truck and and the cat is a Ferrari. Daughter:

Don’t you mean a “Fur-rari”?

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👤︎ u/Epic_pale
📅︎ May 09 2020
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My father and I were setting up camp. As we were setting up, he said he had to take a dump and that while he does that, I need to finish tying up the tent. I asked “really?”. To which he replied:

“I shit, you knot.”

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👤︎ u/Irorii
📅︎ Jun 23 2019
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If you took a dump in a church, would it be called a holy crap?
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👤︎ u/Videoguru16
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.

That shit was in tents.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Nov 27 2019
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Girls who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of shit reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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👤︎ u/lelushky
📅︎ Jun 15 2019
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I was walking by the dump and heard voices yelling at each other,

Trash talk

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👤︎ u/VaiterZen
📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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pun dump. imgur.com/gallery/E1scB
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👤︎ u/live4lifelegit
📅︎ Apr 28 2016
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I once dreamt I was taking a dump and woke up to find I soiled myself.

I thought "shit just got real".

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👤︎ u/avidtomato
📅︎ Jan 03 2019
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Taking a dump imgur.com/a/0NDNvUi
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👤︎ u/EoinHbern
📅︎ Aug 29 2018
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Dump imgur.com/gallery/VVfYyHT
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👤︎ u/live4lifelegit
📅︎ Sep 21 2018
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Me: The street I lived on during my college days was also a garbage dump.

My wife: Really?

Me: Yes. Litter Alley.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ May 31 2019
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Did you know that if you eat 2 pieces of string when you take your next dump they will be tied together

I shit you knot

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👤︎ u/Haas19
📅︎ Dec 02 2018
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I think my girlfriend is going to dump me for a pirate

When looking at corn while grocery shopping, she said she wanted a buck an ear

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👤︎ u/McGroon
📅︎ May 17 2019
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Dad always told me to take my dumps at 11:59 pm.

So when the clock strikes midnight it’ll be the same shit different day

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👤︎ u/Icy9kills
📅︎ Dec 20 2018
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This sub is really in the dumps lately

http://i.imgur.com/xIDdjMX.jpg

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👤︎ u/qwertyum110896
📅︎ Jun 08 2017
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If you find someone who is taking a dump on a boat, would they be known as a

Midshitman?

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👤︎ u/Deadly_R
📅︎ Mar 20 2019
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"Can you dump out my coffee? It tastes like tea"

As my wife was taking out 1 yr old upstairs for a nap she requested, "can you dump out my coffee? It tastes like tea". This is what I saw when I dumped her coffee out:

https://imgur.com/gallery/11r9U

Does it still count as a dad joke if it's executed by a mom?

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👤︎ u/CowboyFromSmell
📅︎ Mar 10 2017
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Why did the accountant dump his girlfriend?

He lost interest.

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👤︎ u/MRBADWOLF89
📅︎ Nov 17 2015
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My dad called while I was in the bathroom. I texted him "taking a dump, call you in a sec"

he replied "Drop what you're doing and call me"

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👤︎ u/penisourusrex
📅︎ Jun 25 2018
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What do you call it when your dog takes 3 dumps in a row?

A Trump

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👤︎ u/hollywoodsine
📅︎ May 08 2018
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Pun Picture Dump from @sadderdaynight imgur.com/gallery/titDa
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👤︎ u/ApologeticKid
📅︎ Jun 01 2017
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My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:

“Hey, I peed in the sink”

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👤︎ u/Iswaterreallywet
📅︎ Jun 09 2018
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Someone posted a joke on inauguration day and now I can't stop thinking of Trump puns, so I'll just dump them here.

He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/

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👤︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
📅︎ Jan 23 2017
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How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a shit?
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👤︎ u/vyashole
📅︎ Feb 08 2017
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Where does Batman go to take a dump?

To the batroom of course!

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👤︎ u/n0th1ng_r3al
📅︎ Jul 25 2017
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"We can't just let people dump oil on the sides of hills willy nilly!"

Beginning of a Slippery Slope argument.

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👤︎ u/drawsprocket
📅︎ Sep 27 2017
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My son was playing with a toy dump truck...

It had various wooden pieces in different shapes and sizes, he started crawling towards our trash can and my wife shouted. "Don't let him in the trash! Get him!". I said "I can't! He's already a few blocks away!"

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👤︎ u/Soulfox1988
📅︎ Jun 09 2017
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Whenever I say I need to take a dump, my dad says this gem

"I hope you leave a dump instead of taking it!"

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👤︎ u/PikaSamus
📅︎ Aug 10 2015
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What do you get when the Pope takes a dump?

Holy Shit

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👤︎ u/icemage27
📅︎ Nov 08 2020
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