My sink’s disposal system is called the insinkerator
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-piano-guy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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I got fired from the bomb disposal squad

I had a blast working there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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Replaced the garbage disposal because the old one started leaking.

Got home from Lowe's. Jumped in and installed it. Told my wife no leaks and it's quieter. She said "how much was it?"

"There goes 200 bucks 'down the drain'."

She rolled her eyes, walked away. Now I have to do the dishes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMYTAITY
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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There was a lumberjack who moonlighted as a serial killer. He used wood chippers to dispose of the bodies, which is why he was so prolific.

Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Did you know Bruce Banner disposes 95% of his waste in an environmentally friendly way?

Yes, he’s pretty green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inspector--Warp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Creepy situation? Calls for a dad joke

So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:

At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit β€” the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.

Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me β€” I’ve never been one to split hares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurtvan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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How do you dispose of a dead chemist's body?

You barium

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I was with my friend Philip and we had a lot of waste we needed to dispose of.

"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.

"There's land everywhere," he replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I hope it does
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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What do you call the money your garbage business earns?

Gross revenue

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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If I get a message on my phone after midnight I always assume it's about disposable gloves

because it's a late-text (latex)

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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I finally decided to dispose of my broken tripod

I just couldn't stand it anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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How did the ant serial killer cleanly dispose of his victim’s bodies?

He dissolved them in antacid.

Ba-dum… tsss!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rekabis
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Disposable Blades

Rachel 2.0 from Blade Runner 2049 was discarded the moment she became too dull

Disposable Blade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReasonBear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Me: "I'm looking for [disposable/nitrile] gloves"

Clerk: "What for?"

Me: "To keep on hand"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajohnsonorg
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2016
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Garbage Public Service Announcement

It's very important to make sure that one always has a trash can at one's disposal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fisherkingpoet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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Construction Dadjoke: Our Sewage Treatment Plant supplier is missing

In his last email he said "I remain at your disposal for any concerns".

Couldn't find him there this morning. I hope he's ok.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrei178
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Dealing with some shit

I live on a sail boat and started what I thought would be a small project. I wanted to ensure that my toilet plumbing was working correctly before having a guest over so I turned on my macerator and began pumping clear water through the system to clean the toilet and clear the system completely. For those that don’t know, a macerator is basically a garbage disposal like you would have in your kitchen sink buttttt for your poop. It cuts up your poop and toilet paper so that it can be discarded over board in smaller pieces. Of course the pump wasn’t working correctly so I detached some plumbing, looked into the macerator motor and got way more into it than I had planned for. My guest was on her way and I didn’t want to necessarily tell her what I was dealing with because I didn’t want to gross her out. When she showed up I was just putting stuff away and had finished the project. Of course she asked what I was working on, I proclaim β€œ oh I just needed to deal with some shit” and left it at that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lzrdkng421
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Had a great one at work that nobody will know about

Alright so quick synopsis of what I do for a living is treating industrial waste water for oil fields. Part of our process is removing solids from the water and using a hydraulic press to squeeze the water out of it and dispose of the dry cakes. Once a day, a waste company rolls in large trucks to remove the big bins where we store the cakes, and put in fresh ones.

Today I was talking with the driver of the truck as he replaced my last bin. I wished him well on the road since we live in California and lordy knows nobody understands how to drive in the rain. As I was turning away from him I said

"If you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."

And immediately started up the steps to our press building, laughing the entire time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSV_Kearsarge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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Recently help my mom upgrade to a 1/2 HP Insinkerator Unit.

She now has more power at her disposal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/free_range_veal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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Got my girlfriend on an early drive this morning.

My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:

"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"

It didn't defuse the situation...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingSantas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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My 3 year old daughter got me this weekend

I was face up under the sink, replacing the garbage disposal. Had just started on the wiring when she kicked me and asked what I was doing:

"trying to get grounded" I said.

"Daddy. You can't get grounded. You're a grown-up!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boxwoodwolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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