Why are open doors good for storing things?
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︎ Apr 13 2021
Lately Iβve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.
Iβm starting my own hedge fund.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
I've decided to start storing everything in the Cloud, and it's a lot easier than you'd think
Although I'm still not sure how exactly I'm supposed to get anything back down... I guess I'll just have to wait until the balloons pop to use my TV again.
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︎ Feb 10 2021
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What do you call someone who really likes digitally storing music?
Audiofilephile.
What do you call a database of people who love sound equipment?
Audiophile file.
What do you call someone who loves a person who loves to store digitally storing music?
Audiofilephilephile.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
I was trying to show my dad the advantages of storing his passwords in the cloud in order to never lost them and have access from anywhere when...
He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"
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︎ Apr 03 2018
So I heard about a special kind of pit today, for storing things like beer and wine...
It's called an alco-hole.
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︎ Apr 07 2018
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︎ Jun 06 2019
Grocery store puns
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︎ Jun 18 2019
[request] Prom help?
So I'm asking my coworker to prom tomorrow, we both work at a grocery store (she's a cashier and I'm her bagger), all I can think of for a sign right now is something along the lines of "bagging a prom date". Can anyone think of any better grocery store puns for an ask?
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︎ Apr 30 2017
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
An explosion happened at a clothing store
There were many casual tees
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︎ May 02 2021
I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out
The cashier said nevermind
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︎ Apr 12 2021
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Where do pirates store their old files?
In the arrrchives, of course!
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks....
"Do you sell flop flops?"
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︎ Feb 08 2021
What do pirates store their food in?
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
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︎ Apr 28 2021
My wife texted me from the grocery store to ask about our pasta supply.
I replied "we're penneless."
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︎ Apr 25 2021
My dad went to the grocery store for a pack of cigarettes.
He came back with the cigarettes but told me he filed for divorce.
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︎ Apr 27 2021
If I was going to steal anything from a store it would be a whisk
Thatβs just a.... whisk Iβm willing to take.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Did you hear about the paddle sale at The Boat Store?
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Did you hear about the disaster at the department store?
Unfortunately, there were many casual tees.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Grocery Store
I took my son to the store to get some ingredients for dinner. We were having Mexican food, and when we got to the aisle with the salsa, my son stared indecisively at the shelves. After a good minute, he still hadnβt made a decision and I knew my wife would be wondering what was taking so long.
So I told him,
βSon, pick up the pace.β
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︎ Apr 25 2021
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
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︎ Mar 22 2021
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said βyou dont have to, you can take the car!β
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︎ Apr 16 2021
The salesman at the furniture store told me, βThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.β
I said, βWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?β
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What did the shirt and pants say when the shoes tried to walk into the store?
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︎ May 02 2021
What could a furniture store call examples of seats for kitchen islands or bars?
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Guess where I store all my dadjokes
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What does my son call the grocery store?
The βNoβ factory! (legit)
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︎ Apr 23 2021
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
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︎ Mar 21 2021
How does batman store energy?
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︎ Apr 20 2021
What did Pat Sajak say when he walked into the pet store?
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︎ Mar 26 2021
A woman with two left feet walks into a shoe store
She asks the manager, "excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?"
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︎ Feb 19 2021
When I pulled up to the hardware store I saw a guy running away with a wooden panel. I got out the car and as i got closer to the store i saw two more guys running away with concrete posts. I said to my wife...
..."ugh! People are so quick to take a fence these days"
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Heard yβall like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Never fart in an apple store
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︎ Feb 07 2021
There is a famous drug store in my city, because they wear disney costume to cheer up people
the main guy wears a Donald duck costume. I really don't like to go to the store though because my mom always said that one shouldn't take drugs from a quack.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
Two thieves robbed a store and stole a calendar.
They each got six months.
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︎ Apr 06 2021
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said βyou dont have to, you can take the car!β
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Where do you store dad jokes?
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︎ Apr 02 2021
A man with two left feet walks into a shoe store:
"Excuse me do you sell flip flips?"
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︎ Mar 22 2021
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
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︎ Mar 19 2021
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