Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.
Yes, he’s pretty green.
It was a good aluminum foil
You barium
"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.
"There's land everywhere," he replied.
So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:
At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit — the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.
Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me — I’ve never been one to split hares
NSYNC
Gross revenue
because it's a late-text (latex)
I just couldn't stand it anymore.
He dissolved them in antacid.
Ba-dum… tsss!
I had a blast working there.
Rachel 2.0 from Blade Runner 2049 was discarded the moment she became too dull
Disposable Blade
Got home from Lowe's. Jumped in and installed it. Told my wife no leaks and it's quieter. She said "how much was it?"
"There goes 200 bucks 'down the drain'."
She rolled her eyes, walked away. Now I have to do the dishes.
It's very important to make sure that one always has a trash can at one's disposal.
In his last email he said "I remain at your disposal for any concerns".
Couldn't find him there this morning. I hope he's ok.
I live on a sail boat and started what I thought would be a small project. I wanted to ensure that my toilet plumbing was working correctly before having a guest over so I turned on my macerator and began pumping clear water through the system to clean the toilet and clear the system completely. For those that don’t know, a macerator is basically a garbage disposal like you would have in your kitchen sink buttttt for your poop. It cuts up your poop and toilet paper so that it can be discarded over board in smaller pieces. Of course the pump wasn’t working correctly so I detached some plumbing, looked into the macerator motor and got way more into it than I had planned for. My guest was on her way and I didn’t want to necessarily tell her what I was dealing with because I didn’t want to gross her out. When she showed up I was just putting stuff away and had finished the project. Of course she asked what I was working on, I proclaim “ oh I just needed to deal with some shit” and left it at that.
Alright so quick synopsis of what I do for a living is treating industrial waste water for oil fields. Part of our process is removing solids from the water and using a hydraulic press to squeeze the water out of it and dispose of the dry cakes. Once a day, a waste company rolls in large trucks to remove the big bins where we store the cakes, and put in fresh ones.
Today I was talking with the driver of the truck as he replaced my last bin. I wished him well on the road since we live in California and lordy knows nobody understands how to drive in the rain. As I was turning away from him I said
"If you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to."
And immediately started up the steps to our press building, laughing the entire time.
She now has more power at her disposal.
My girlfriend was driving us to into town early this morning for work, it was dark and we all had lights on. A waste disposal truck coming the other way narrowly misses us as it overtakes a cyclist on a blind corner. My girlfriend gets angry because of their stupidity, I wait a split second and say:
"I guess they're just a rubbish lorry driver"
It didn't defuse the situation...
We were watching rare exports as is Christmas tradition and there's a scene where a dude who was on his way to go play Santa clause (and thus is dressed up as one) decides to skip this paying gig he desperately needed in order to help his friend dispose of a body.
I was like "dang that's a real bro right there."
Wife: "straight up. bros before ho ho ho's"
I was face up under the sink, replacing the garbage disposal. Had just started on the wiring when she kicked me and asked what I was doing:
"trying to get grounded" I said.
"Daddy. You can't get grounded. You're a grown-up!"
