If you haven’t shot a weapon with your eyes closed

You don’t know what you’re missing.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...

Jesus!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)

You buy it from the cat-alogue

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EviL-FeaR
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What does the closed sign on a brothel say?

Beat it -- we're closed!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snailhighway
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Can’t get my head around why Timpsons was closed today.

Surely they’re key workers?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelsiermist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the tree do when the bank was closed?

Started its own branch.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed their borders

No one will be crossing the finish line

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/channabanana01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Wren kitchens have just been closed down by the police

Apparently it was a big counter fitting operation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedarcher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed...

It's about to get ugly out there.

Stay safe.

πŸ‘︎ 506
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Well we are closed now but the boards still come.
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has closed its borders, You know what that means...

No one will cross the Finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niels_h_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed it borders...
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Not many people knew that the spa is closed

A lot of them didn’t get the massage.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
From the Closed Captioning on the movie Onward
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreetingsADM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.

The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Sorry guys, we are still closed but I did a few to keep them coming in these strained times.
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My local oriental takeaway got closed down because they found canine meat.

Shame I thought it was the dogs bollocks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gunganfalacio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son and I walked past a gym and he said "looks like they've closed down."

My response; "guess it didn't work out."

πŸ‘︎ 357
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurtLemmington
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Case closed.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
In these dark times were everything is closed down DFS closing down sale is actually happening
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djdanny90999
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable

Too much overhead

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Starbucks has closed many of its coughy shops.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdj
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I worked a place with strict grooming guidelines but we are currently closed for the duration.

Due to social distancing and other issues I am not going to cut my hair or trim my beard for a time. How long? Furlough time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xstofer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the strip club sign say when they closed for Covid?

temporarily clothed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they closed the aquarium?

It’s for training porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HNipps
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Well this phone will break easily, Case Closed.
πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WiSebasting
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.

Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMatt88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Case closed
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
With both the salons and banks closed

I don’t know how I’m expected to make a pretty penny

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OHKING_RIVER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My Muslim friend's opticians closed down recently as it wasn't doing well

It was silly of him to call it Asif Eyecare

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother visited the cemetery today to see our mom. He walked up to her grave stone, closed his eyes and with a tear running down his cheek, said

Look who’s grounded now, mom.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I closed Reddit, locked my phone, and stood up.

I said to myself, β€œI’m done with this shit.”

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is so proud that he finally got a waterbed with sliding boxes opened by pulling out and closed by pushing in...

Now he can wake up and jump straight into his drawers!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Circuit City closed?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natrix13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trapped between 2 empty shelves when the grocery closed for the evening...

I was stranded in a deserted aisle...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Sleeping is so easy, I do it with my eyes closed
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrotyinoG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sign say on the outside of a brothel when it was closed?

Beat it

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brock_Walker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed its borders

There’s no way we can cross the Finnish line now.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanburrito26
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the local locksmiths were closed...

I thought they were key workers?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tan salons an Wax salons too...

... it’s about to get ugly out there

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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