My doctor assessed my condition and grimaced. 'I--uh, I give you two weeks max."

"Bad news," I said, "and my name is Tom."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What does Ronald McDonald say before sex?

Bah Dah Bah Bah Bah...Im Glovin' It!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kriskidd21
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.

"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.

I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Hi Hungry! I'm Dad.

Dropped this nugget on my 9 year old for the millionth time in the car. 20 minute drive home from baseball practice . Today, he turned the tables. "Hi Driving, I'm Son. Hi Frowning, I'm Son. Hi Grimacing, I'm Son. Hi Twitching, I'm Son." So proud right now. #dadwin

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hansbachman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Dadjoke at the Cancer Center...

They keep it at about 18 degrees C here at work, so we give out a lot of warm blankets to patients.

The warmer ran out, and soon after, sure enough, a patient asked me for one.

So I said: "Sorry, we're all out. They're a hot commodity!"

They grimaced...but it could have been the cancer.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bindher_Dundat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Totally got my fellow law student

Our law fraternity, Phi Alpha Delta is hosting a luncheon with a panel of lawyers today. A friend and I in the frat were talking about what's on the menu, which neither of us knew. Finally, I just said "maybe they'll serve PAD Thai."

Her grimace and groan will fuel my afternoon.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ToonaTheCat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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Math dad joke

In honor of my twins birthday today...My mathematically inclined daughter decided to memorize the first 50 numbers of Pi. After she recited them after only twenty minutes of memorizing I told her "I guess memorizing the digits in Pi is a piece of cake for you!." Got a good grimace for that.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sunnyAZ1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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On god, it's starting...

Answered the phone the other day...

"Hey man, what're you up to?"

Before I could stop it from coming out of my mouth

"Oh, about 5'9"

I grimaced at myself in the mirror. I suddenly hate being 30.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/In_the_Clips
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2014
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I got dad joked by a 90 year old patient today

So there I was in the process of helping him walk back to his room. During the walk I happen to look over and he is grimacing in pain with a look of disgust. As a worried healthcare provider, I ask him,

"Patient, you look like you're in pain, how do you feel"?

Without skipping a beat, he looks up into my eyes and with a trembling voice through the pain he replies..

"with my hands"

I was taken aback, not realizing what had just happened to me. He then smiled and startled to chuckle, and only then did I realize I had just been had by a dad and started to laugh myself.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StankyHoodrat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
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