My girlfriend complains a lot that I don't smile anymore
Well she's the one who wanted a serious relationship
Why is ‘smile’ the longest word in the world?
Because it has a mile in it.
Why does the baby smile everytime his mom exercises?
He really likes milkshakes.
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
Wanna know what makes me smile?
I, fake a smile so he won't swim
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
My mother’s leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
This one does put a smile on my face
I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile
Turns out they prefer money.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
By telling it a cheesy joke.
Smile they said, life could be worse.
So this made me smile today
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I ordered from a community who’s motto is “everything for a smile”
Yet, the delivery guy didn’t seem happy when I payed with a smile and shut the door on him... I wonder what’s wrong...
My wife says my face looks funny when i smile.
It's something i face everyday.
My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.
"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy
She had an a-lure-ing smile
Put your smile on your dial crocodile [OC]
Why doesn’t the electron smile?
All he has are negative thoughts.
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
The following exchange left a smile on my face.
Daughter: "Hey Dad! Do you know what would be SO COOL?"
Me: "A frozen needle and string?"
Daughter: groans.. "You're IMPOSSIBLE"
Me: "No, no. I'm D-"
Daughter: "DAD. DAD. WE GET IT."
Me: "We Get It.... Is that a new Nintendo System?"
Daughter: . . . walks away
Stay Proud. Stay Dad.
Not gonna lie, this made me smile
A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh
My Dad carried this in his wallet for years. I used to roll my eyes every time he pulled it out, but now the memory always makes me smile. mindwerx.com/files/imagec…
What makes my anagram teacher smile?
What do you call a woman who smiles at you when you leave the house and smiles again when you come back?
Mum, watching Notting Hill: "Julia Roberts has such a lovely smile"
Me: "You could say it's a Mona Lisa Smile"
Like every good citizen, I like to pay my taxes with a smile.
Unfortunately the government only accepts checks.
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,
except every seven years, when all they do is word play.
It's called Pun Farr.
Right before every tennis match I play, my dad, who is a professional tennis player, smiles at me from the top of the stairs.
I just have to look up to him, you know.
You know what actually makes me smile?
You know what makes me smile?
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles
You know what makes me me smile?
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..
I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...
I'm not allowed to keep Sharpies in the house anymore
You know what makes me smile...
Wanna know what makes me smile?