I, fake a smile so he won't swim
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna know what makes me smile?

Face muscles.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My son went to propose his crush today with a huge smile but came back with a disappointed frown.

Me: "What's wrong, didn't it go well?"

Son:"No it didn't, she flat out rejected me. I did so much to plan this so all of it goes well, I called her to the fancy restaurant near that giant wall that holds the water and brought the best bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates too but she still said that she likes me only as a friend."

Me: "Dam son"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanscipher435
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Recharge your smile.
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usgaap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what makes me smile?

Facial muscles.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justjude63
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother’s leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says

Wait, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 674
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what actually makes me smile?

My Facial muscles

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile

Turns out they prefer money.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Smile they said, life could be worse.

So I did and it was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moveitmobile
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a mouse to smile?

By telling it a cheesy joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skippy439
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
So this made me smile today

My face muscles.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterrandom1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...

Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyp433
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I ordered from a community who’s motto is β€œeverything for a smile”

Yet, the delivery guy didn’t seem happy when I payed with a smile and shut the door on him... I wonder what’s wrong...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NienieDreamer
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
This one does put a smile on my face
πŸ‘︎ 797
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muxamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife says my face looks funny when i smile.

It's something i face everyday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quack005
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Made me smile!
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarinaMidas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t the electron smile?

All he has are negative thoughts.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeonGreenTaxi56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,

"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
She had an a-lure-ing smile
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnobun
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.

"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Put your smile on your dial crocodile [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...

I'm not allowed to keep Sharpies in the house anymore

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyosk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The following exchange left a smile on my face.

Daughter: "Hey Dad! Do you know what would be SO COOL?"

Me: "A frozen needle and string?"

Daughter: groans.. "You're IMPOSSIBLE"

Me: "No, no. I'm D-"

Daughter: "DAD. DAD. WE GET IT."

Me: "We Get It.... Is that a new Nintendo System?"

Daughter: . . . walks away

.

.

Stay Proud. Stay Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Not gonna lie, this made me smile
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Wood1440_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh

and no pun in 10 did

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what makes me smile...

Facemuscles

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CopyIsKing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who smiles at you when you leave the house and smiles again when you come back?

Neighbor's wife

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ayrane
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad carried this in his wallet for years. I used to roll my eyes every time he pulled it out, but now the memory always makes me smile. mindwerx.com/files/imagec…
πŸ‘︎ 881
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pups_the_Jew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Mum, watching Notting Hill: "Julia Roberts has such a lovely smile"

Me: "You could say it's a Mona Lisa Smile"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinityLDog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Like every good citizen, I like to pay my taxes with a smile.

Unfortunately the government only accepts checks.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Right before every tennis match I play, my dad, who is a professional tennis player, smiles at me from the top of the stairs.

I just have to look up to him, you know.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/konan24241
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,

except every seven years, when all they do is word play.

It's called Pun Farr.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo. "He's my star," I conclude with a smile.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdyRomantic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what makes me me smile?

My facial muscles.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soviet_Squatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..

I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mudpucket2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know what makes me smile?

Face muscles

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StanleySkillz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Wanna know what makes me smile?

Face muscles

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeverShan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2016
🚨︎ report

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