I, fake a smile so he won't swim
Wanna know what makes me smile?
My son went to propose his crush today with a huge smile but came back with a disappointed frown.
Me: "What's wrong, didn't it go well?"
Son:"No it didn't, she flat out rejected me. I did so much to plan this so all of it goes well, I called her to the fancy restaurant near that giant wall that holds the water and brought the best bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates too but she still said that she likes me only as a friend."
Me: "Dam son"
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
My mother’s leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile
Turns out they prefer money.
Smile they said, life could be worse.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
By telling it a cheesy joke.
So this made me smile today
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Just happened a few minutes ago. Whilst wrapping an easel for our daughter my better half said "how am I going to wrap this?" I replied "Easely". Not even a smile :( wasted talent here.
This one does put a smile on my face
I ordered from a community who’s motto is “everything for a smile”
Yet, the delivery guy didn’t seem happy when I payed with a smile and shut the door on him... I wonder what’s wrong...
My wife says my face looks funny when i smile.
It's something i face everyday.
Why doesn’t the electron smile?
All he has are negative thoughts.
She had an a-lure-ing smile
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.
"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy
Put your smile on your dial crocodile [OC]
A blind guy goes into the closing store, grabs his dog by the tail and begins to spin. A worker shocked by the sight asked "sir may i help you please". The guy smiles and says.
The following exchange left a smile on my face.
Daughter: "Hey Dad! Do you know what would be SO COOL?"
Me: "A frozen needle and string?"
Daughter: groans.. "You're IMPOSSIBLE"
Me: "No, no. I'm D-"
Daughter: "DAD. DAD. WE GET IT."
Me: "We Get It.... Is that a new Nintendo System?"
Daughter: . . . walks away
.
.
Stay Proud. Stay Dad.
Not gonna lie, this made me smile
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh
What do you call a woman who smiles at you when you leave the house and smiles again when you come back?
What makes my anagram teacher smile?
My Dad carried this in his wallet for years. I used to roll my eyes every time he pulled it out, but now the memory always makes me smile.
mindwerx.com/files/imagec…
Mum, watching Notting Hill: "Julia Roberts has such a lovely smile"
Me: "You could say it's a Mona Lisa Smile"
Like every good citizen, I like to pay my taxes with a smile.
Unfortunately the government only accepts checks.
Right before every tennis match I play, my dad, who is a professional tennis player, smiles at me from the top of the stairs.
I just have to look up to him, you know.
There's this planet, where the pointy-haired natives never smile, never crack a joke,
except every seven years, when all they do is word play.
It's called Pun Farr.
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo. "He's my star," I conclude with a smile.
You know what makes me smile?
You know what actually makes me smile?
Do you know what makes me smile? Facial muscles
You know what makes me me smile?
I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..
I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
I wanted to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning...
I'm not allowed to keep Sharpies in the house anymore
You know what makes me smile...
Wanna know what makes me smile?
Wanna know what makes me smile?
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