This eye pun couldn't be any cornea
Why did Hitler wear eye glasses?
Because without them he could Nazi.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
What do you call a Deer with no eyes?
My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
What do you call a fish with no eye's?
What happens when you give the Devil two eyes and turn him around?
He becomes Livid.
I'll see myself out now.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I regret rubbing eyes with ketchup
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
Eye did not see that coming
I accidentally got ketchup in my eyes
What is white and hurts when you get it in your eye?
What do you call a dear with no eyes
No eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs
Still no eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs cut in half
Still half no eye dear
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
Couple of coworkers talking about which eye they shoot with...
then they asked which eye I shoot with. I said neither, I use my finger.
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...
I just don't see the point.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
“Because they have no balls to scratch”
I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
Your honor is it illegal to throw sodium chloride in someone's eyes?
Judge: it's assault
I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?
What has four eyes and a peepee?
>!Mississippi.!<
This joke doesn't work as well in writing.
I tell you what always catches my eye....
Short people with umbrellas
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.
Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
Why do detectives tend to scrutinize individuals with bluish eyes in cases of poisoning?
Because the real killer is usually cyan-eyed.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A Girl takes a pregnancy test, mortified, she looks her boyfriend, dead in the eyes, and says...
Old Jed Clampett (Beverly Hillbillies) got in an accident that left him with a glass eye. It was uncomfortable to sleep in over night so he took it out and hired a servant to watch it.
It was his Jed Eye Master.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
What do you call a fish without an eye?
What do you call a fish with four eyes?
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
I've just dissected an ox eye to see what's inside it.
It was an eye opening experience.
My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
Eyelashes are supposed to keep things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it's almost always an eyelash...
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up?
Because they have no balls to scratch!
What do you call a fish with no eye's?
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
What do you call a pig with 3 eyes?
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me something smells
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
