My son always asks why I frown when we pass by a cemetery.

I tell him that it is because it's a grave site.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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4YO Daughter (frowning): β€œBaba, I don’t like you”

...”I love you”.

Oh, the timing, bless her comic soul.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krathulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I know reposts are frowned upon...
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMHeenan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Rude dad-joke. Wife frowned but laughed.

Discussing The Hunger Games, our teenage daughter asked, "Wasn't Katniss named after a root?" My ribald reply: "All babies get named after a root."

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2014
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I'll stick to my ribs

A woman walked into the kitchen one day and saw, much to her horror, her husband sitting at the table with blood all over most of his face, his chest, hands, arm, and on the table. She watched for a moment, shocked, as he began pouring barbeque sauce on his arm where most of the blood was coming from.

"Stop that! What are you doing!? What happened to your arm?!" She finally managed to scream as she unjammed all the words trying to flow out at once.

Her husband looked at her with a disgusted frown and a shake of his head and replied "I've made a terrible me-steak"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dazmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Did you hear about the TRex that got caught selling hand guns?

Apparently being a small arms dealer is frowned upon.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high......She looked surprised.
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Dad: Does this milk taste funny.

Kid: sips milk yeah a little.

Dad: frowns Must be clowns milk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StormtrooperMJS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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A guy walks into a coffee shop, goes the counter and asks, β€œSo what’s the special?” The barista shakes her head, β€œI can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. β€œWhat do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

β€œA mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

β€œOh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

β€œAn affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. β€œCan you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. β€œOk, the special is in this jar.”

β€œWhat is it?”

β€œI can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, β€œIt’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, β€œI guess you spilled the beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Some people don't like puns...

and what I tell them is to turn that frown SUNNY SIDE UPside down.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Traditional_Sleep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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"Anything these days," I told my son.

He frowned a little.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

He sighed loudly.

"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.

There was a pause.

"Anything these days," I continued.

At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"

There was a silence.

"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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The Laughing Hoagie

Two high school students named Steve and Josh found themselves broke on a saturday afternoon while strolling around in the city mall. They hadn't eaten lunch and they were getting hungry, but alas, they had no money for food and they were hours away from home.

"I heard there's a place downtown where you can get a sandwich for free" Steve said to Josh.

"That sounds great, let's check it out" Josh replied, and they headed downtown.

They soon found the place. It was a small shop, too small to feel like a real business. The place had no tables or chairs, and not really much furniture at all. An old man stood behind a small counter and eyed them as they entered.

"Welcome to the Laughing Hoagie" he said.

"What is a laughing hoagie?" Josh wondered.

"It's the name of this sandwich place. This is not a regular sandwich shop. We have a special offer here for people who can't afford to pay for their food." the man said as he smiled a toothy smile at them.

"So it's true then," Josh blurted out, "we can get free food here?"

"Not so fast." The old man said. "There is a condition."

"What is it?" Steve wondered aloud.

"Well," the man started "you have to listen to one of my jokes, and the one of you who laughs the most genuine laugh gets a free sandwhich. The other one gets nothing."

As he said this, the old man opened a small refrigerator that stood behind the counter and produced a large, footlong sandwhich with ham, cheese, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. It was covered in a white dressing and gave off a faint peppery aroma. The boys' mouths started watering at the sight of it.

"What? So only one of us gets a sandwhich?" Steve asked, taken aback.

"Those are the rules," the old man grinned, "if you don't like it, you may leave."

"Nah, we'll hear the joke." Josh said. Steve looked at him, and then nodded to the old man.

"All right." the old man rubbed his hands together as if preparing to dig into a strenuous task.

"What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?" he asked, and looked expectantly at the teens. They both stared at him with blank expressions.

"Bye Son!" he exclaimed, and struggled not to burst out giggling at his own quip. Josh chuckled a bit, but Steve just frowned.

"That was the worst joke I ever heard!" he exclaimed.

"Well," the old man said as he handed the sandwich over to Josh, "if you don't like jokes with really bad punchlines, then this sub is not for you."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffigt
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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After seeing a palm reader, I gave him my money.

He held the note up to the light and frowned. "This is fake," he said.

I said, "Now you know what it feels like."

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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My wife suddenly looked at me and asked, β€œHow would you describe me, honey?” I said, β€œThat's easy, ABCDEFGHIJK.”

Frowning, she questioned, β€œWhat the heck does that even mean!?”

I continued, β€œAdorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot!”

Blushing, she chuckled, β€œAw, thank you, but what about IJK?”

I sang out, β€œI’m just kidding!”

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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I took the last of my daughter's lo mein...

"Daddy, that's my lo mein!"

"Yeah, now what do you have?"

She frowns and says "no mein."

"Yup."

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Hi Hungry! I'm Dad.

Dropped this nugget on my 9 year old for the millionth time in the car. 20 minute drive home from baseball practice . Today, he turned the tables. "Hi Driving, I'm Son. Hi Frowning, I'm Son. Hi Grimacing, I'm Son. Hi Twitching, I'm Son." So proud right now. #dadwin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hansbachman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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[request] What cultures and countries today are proud of their puns?

This is not so much a request for a pun. I had heard that there was a town in the Scandinavian region that was known for their puns, and that this was recognized throughout the country. This was a part of a larger conversation about puns in general and the fact that they are typically frowned upon in english, while many other languages celebrate the pun, and are in fact more pun-prone due to the structure of the language.

However, I cannot remember where I heard this, I believe it was a podcast, but I cannot recall.

So, what cultures celebrate the pun, and do you know of any cities or towns known for their puns?

Thanks :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcraftt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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Wife is looking at the catalog of tables...

W - I don't like black finish. M - Do you prefer black Norwegian?

Got a frown back.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrzyRusski
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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A little person broke out of jail and sneered at a man walking by as he was climbing down the jail fence

the man frowned and thought "well that's a little con descending."

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBryceIsRight34
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2016
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When your dad misses no opportunity for a joke

So, my dad could be considered a regular jokester. He had his dad jokes, his dirty jokes, clean but provocative joke, setup jokes, everything. He never missed a chance to turn something into a joke for hinself, even, and perpahs especially, if it only amused himself. I found out at an young age that no situation is too serious for him.

I was around 9 years old and I was in the cub scouts, and it was box car derby season. I was in the dining room, carving away at my block of wood when the blade in my right hand skipped the wood and carved my left thumb. It fucking hurt and bled like a sonofabitch. I immediately starting screaming and my dad raced into the room and found me covered in blood, my left hand now with two thumbs. We get it wrapped and he drives me to the emergency room. By the time we got there the bleeding had stopped and I have stopped crying. As we pull up, my dad looks st me, shakes his head and says "We can't go in there like this, we'll end up waiting forever to see a doctor. You need to cry once we're in there and that'll help" I said ok, and he said as we were walking up, "I'll give you a signal to start crying." How will i know, i asked him snd he just said i'll know. We go inside and walk up to the admittance desk. I'm short, so at the time my head just cleared the desk. My dad tells the nurse that we have a cut, and need to see a doctor right away. The nurse pushes paperwork at him and he tells her again, this time that its a real bad cut. The nurse finally looks at me for the first time and she frowns, because im relatively normal looking, even though im hurting and nervous, waiting for my dads signal. My dad pulls me back a bit and her eyes widen really big when she sees all the dried blood caked on the lower left side of my body. She starts getting excited and says "Ohmygoshohmygosh" over and over and this point im starting to get scared when my Dad, in a serious voice says "Its even worse than it looks! You're going to have to take the whole hand!"

Then I start crying.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBossOfWhat
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
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Dad joking the news

I listen to the news on the radio in the morning. Any time they mention the World Health Organization, I frown and say "Who?", whether or not anyone's around to hear it.

Years later, I still find this funny.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andronikus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
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Fred wants to get married

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlTebehalah
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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I told my wife they I had a joke about cheese

And not to worry, because it's a gouda one.

She groaned. So I asked how I could make it cheddar.

She was frowning. I told her not to be so bleu.

Then I stopped because it was getting stiltoned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
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My Dad emailed me this joke this evening

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle"

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this

for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's

not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden.

"Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question." "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!" Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Paul Ryan!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

"NO, You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

...AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aznatheist620
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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Dad got me while hunting, got him back while at the only store in the town.

My dad and I went hunting with some friends in south texas for opening teal season. As I am putting my waders on, he tell me to remember to tie my boots as tight as I can, "or else they'll fall off in the mud, and that would suck, literally". He couldn't have been more proud of himself.

Later he holds the door as I walk out of the small convince store in the town, and I naturally say "thanks". He replies with "you bet," and I told him "really? Because I'm not much of a gambler..." And he just frowned at me.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vulkkid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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I was the first one to drive down our freshly sealed driveway

On the way down, I passed my Dad, who was staring at the tires and frowning. I said "What's wrong?"

He replied, "Your tires are black."

"Shit, did I get sealant on them?"

"No," he replied, "They're just black."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocolateGnutella
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
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I was at the hospital when I got a chance to use this joke.

Two doctors were having a conversation about recent news topics. Doctor"So what do you think about this whold Snowden case?" The other doctor goes to talk but I got in the middle of them and said "I don't know what you think but I think if it keeps snowing like it is we're going to be Snowden!" All I got was frowns and sighs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iammilke
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
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A sign of our times.

My dad and I were driving to pick up some pizza the other day, and drove by the local community college. They have one of those new HD billboards, which was flashing garish advertisements for their classes and programs.

"That's a terrible sign," my dad remarked.

"Yeah, those things are distracting and annoying," I agreed. "The things flash too fast for you to really read it, and the color contrast makes it hard to read while you're driving late at night. It's not like the sign in front of my school at all (I'm a teacher). My school has slow transitions and clear lettering that makes things easy to read. It's what makes our billboard auspicious."

My dad frowned. He could tell something was coming. "Why's yours auspicious?"

"Because it's a good sign."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/triforceelf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
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I Knew It Was Coming...

Sitting down to dinner:

Me: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "It's meatloaf, squash, and peas."

Dad (on cue): "You know what they say: there's nothing like a good pea."

Mom (rolling eyes, frowning): "Oh, Bob...."

Got me every. time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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