At a moment of exasperation

I have twins that each have a stuffed fox they love. I find one on my couch cushion and pick it up before sitting down after a rough day.

Kid 1: "papa, can I have that fox?"
Me: "sure, sweetie"
Kid 2: "can I have a fox too?"
Me: "sorry, peanut, I'm all out of fox to give"

edit: formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0x6d1e
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."

"Some parts are missing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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Exasperated, I showed him the picture and pleaded, "Doctor, all of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"

He acknowledged grimly, "Indeed, that's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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Sister: (exasperated) why does Juan keep calling me?

Dad: (immediately)because Juan is the loneliest number.

True Story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jararaca3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Got an exasperated sigh from my boyfriend at dinner

Boyfriend serves dinner, a delicious salad. Him: Ok, let us eat! Me: No, this is arugula. He gave me the side eye and shook his head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangolover
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
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Me: "How do I get one of those singing groups?"

Director: "you mean a choir?"

Me: exasperated sigh yes, fine. How do aquire one of those singing groups?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xynnax
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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A nurse looks in her pocket, and finds a rectal thermometer.

She says, in exasperation, β€œsome arsehole’s got my pen.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTAD2108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Puns

Teenage Mutant Ninja Puns

Me: Hey, have you seen the last east episode of TMNT?

Friend: Yeah, I have! It was turtally awesome!

Me: ...Are you seriously gonna keep reusing that one, or should I expect something new? You’ve been using that one for awhile.

Friend: Oh, I’m sorry, do you want me to shell out some more puns? I’ve got a million of 'em, folks! I’ll be here all week!

Me: sighs in exasperation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WTFBOOOMSH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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A dadjoke set for the kindergarten crowd

If you ever end up having to entertain kids around kindergarten age (5 or 6 years old) here are some jokes you can use.

Write the letter Y on a board or piece of paper. Ask, "Can you tell me what this letter is?" and they'll say "Y", to which you respond, "Because I want to know how smart you are."

After a bit of back and forth you can look exasperated that they don't get it (when of course it is you who don't get it), then say, "Okay here's an easy one, can you tell me what this word is?" Write down the word NO and of course the kids will say "NO" and you can say, "You don't know what this word is?" or "You know what it is but you won't tell me?" Kids usually think it's hilarious that an adult can be this dense.

For kids who can spell words, you can use ones like "duck" and then when they say it you can duck as if something is coming at you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmethvin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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My daughter had her first Dad Joke experience earlier

Getting ready to leave the soft play. My daughters are 5 and 3, this was the youngest one.

Daughter: Daddy, can you put my shoes on? Me: I don't think they'll fit me, darling. Daughter (looking exasperated): No Daddy, I mean put them on me!

So proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gazcobain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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How to get an 8 year old to hate you...

So after my daughter got off the bus, she was telling me about her day. She said that, at lunch, she was pretending to be a goblin.

"Gobbling what?", I asked. "Hopefully your lunch."

She stared at me (trying hard not to smile), let out an exasperated sigh, and said "I hate your jokes". Then walked away to the house without as much as another word...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkstalker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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I'm slowly losing the audience

Me, noticing that my two boys have been playing great together for a while: "Hey you guys, quit playing so nice!"

Younger Kid: confusion

Older Kid: exasperated sigh Dad's trying to make a joke.

Nobody: laughs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wafflesareforever
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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A British explorer is leading an expedition through an uncharted valley deep in Africa.

About halfway through the valley, drumbeats started rolling from the mountains around them. Everyone in the party was confused, but the local guides started to panic.

"We HAVE to get out of here by sundown, OR ELSE".

The explorer orders his men to pick up the pace, and keep moving. A couple hours later, The drums start beating more and more frantically. Again, the guides say: "Keep moving, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE".

A bit later, the men hear horns echoing from the hills.

The explorer asks his guides: "what was that?"

They respond: "theres no time, we need to be out BEFORE SUNDOWN, we only have a few hours!!!".

Exasperated, the explorer asks "Why? What could be so urgent? And why do we have to get out by sundown?".

The guides reply, "at sundown, the bagpipe solo starts!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeb1122
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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We were making home made soup the other night...

And I snuck into the kitchen to take this picture for the sole purpose of taking it back to my girlfriend to say with an exasperated sigh, "Ugh, would you just look at this stock photo..."

She hated me for the rest of the night as I sat there giggling like a madman, way too pleased that she didn't figure it out before I showed it to her. When I told my dad, it entirely derailed his train of thought as he started laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L337Cthulhu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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My wife made my cold even worse

I was making tea with lemon juice to clear up my congestion, and my wife wanted me to use the one real lemon we have but I wanted to use the plastic lemon container stuff. Eventually she got exasperated, put the lemon in my hand, and said "WHEN WIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMON TEA."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlumbTheDerps
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
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I was sitting on the sofa with my wife last night, when I said, "Honey, you remind me of an onion."

She smiled, blushed a little and asked, "Why? Because I have so many layers to my personality!?"

"No."

"Oh, OK, something stupid like, you'll cry when you slice me up?!"

"Nope."

"OK! OK! You'd prefer it if I was battered?!"

"Nah."

"You either love me or hate me? I'm good in small doses? I can be a bit overpowering?!"

"No, no and no!"

Exasperated, she shrieked, "Oh, all right then, why?!"

"You smell like an onion!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
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Classic Dad

Every time my brother or I say "Oh my God" in exasperation, my dad says, "You don't have to call me God, I'm just Dad." A classic yet painful groan-inducer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samotage820
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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Exchange with my dad at every dinner.

Me: What's for dinner?

Dad: Food.

Me: What kind of food?

Dad: Good food.

Made more exasperating by the fact that he's usually cooking when I ask him this, so there's a definite answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zefirus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
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Dadjoked my girlfriend this morning

Me: "What would happen if that girl who sang 'Royals' found a TARDIS?"

Her: "Uh?"

Me: "She'd be a Time Lorde"

Cue exasperated sighs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cardinals5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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As we put on our Halloween costumes...

Wife: Let me go upstairs. I have an idea for a purse.

Me: I think somebody already had the idea for the purse, baby.

Wife: (sighs in exasperation). I love you...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlakeMP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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Looking for something

I'm not sure if this is a dadjoke but anyway. My mom was looking for something in the living room and after a long time finally found it. Then my dad said: "it's so annoying that the thing you're looking for is always in the last place you look". My mom didn't get but I started laughing in exasperation while he laughed his ass off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paroment
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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Dad at work

I'm a server and at my restaurant we have an item called the lox and lox. I'm serving an elderly couple and the wife exclaims "ooo they have loxs!" The husband looks me dead in the eye and says "Does that come with any keys?"

He said it with such a straight face I almost didn't get it. I cracked up while his wife gave a loud sound of exasperation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dikbutjenkins
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2014
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I'm watching tv with my dad when a Jenny Craig commercial comes on

TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!

Dad: Well, did it kill her?

Me: exasperated eye-roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcutiebandit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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Dad-joked at the retirement home

The conversation at coffee hour turned to 3D printing.

Me: Hopefully we'll be able to 3D print pieces of meat so we don't have to have factory farms anymore.
Dad: "If we start printing the meat we'll have to eat it in megabytes."

He was very satisfied with the exasperated groaning from the rest of the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mastelsa
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
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Renaming the charity closet at school...

Our school offers "gently used" semi-formal wear for kids who can't afford to get new things for every dance. It was originally called "my sister's closet" but then It started carrying boys' clothes too, and they wanted a name that didn't sound like a boy might be borrowing his sister's clothes for a formal dance.

"We want something catchy" a student said. "Like...my cousin's closet."

I piped in. "How about the small pox closet? There's not many things more catchy than small pox!"

Single word reaction after an exasperated groan: "no."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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At least she smiled when she responded

Got my 9yr old daughter good while driving home from dinner.

Her really excited to tell me something: "Hey dad. I know a pun!"

Me: "Oh yeah? What's his name?"

Her exasperated response: (sigh) "I hate you."

Edited for clarity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doubletwist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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Got the wife. Finally fall weather.

Wife: exasperated It's chilly! Me: No honey, this is America.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bicycleflossing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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I'd be surprised if this is a re-post

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toocents
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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Know what my favorite homework is, Dad?

What's that, kiddo?

Band homework!

But...you shouldn't be allowed to do it then!

Why not?

Well, if it's been banned, then...

<exasperated sigh>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalBriston
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
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Got my girlfriend

My girlfriend is buying a cover for our couch, and trying to decide between several options.

"What does polyester feel like?"

"How should I know? I've never met her."

Exasperated sighs are sustenance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faceofuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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Thought I had my daughter, until she turned it around on me

Daughter (exasperated): Dad, it's a metaphor. Me (excited): Ooo. I never met a four. Are they like threes? Daughter: Yeah, just a little bigger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/resonantSoul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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Thought I was immune to dad jokes for a while there, until my dad dropped this one this Easter.

Each member in our family split up the amount of eggs so that we'd get 6 to dye each, two dozen. At the end of the dying session, my sister looks over at my dad's 6 eggs and we see he's got one white egg left. My sister wants an extra egg if he's not going to use it and asks if she can dye the egg. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and said he dyed all of his eggs, there isn't one left. This banter goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes with all of us insisting he has a leftover egg to dye. Finally, he looks down and says "oh do you mean this one?" Pointing to the white egg. We all let out an exasperated "YES!" He turns to is all, with the big old dad smirk on his face and says, oh no that one's done, I put that one in the white dye. groans all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ujelly_fish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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Dadjoked my friend yesterday...

My friend: "Hey, what blood type are you?" Me: "The red kind." He just gave an exasperated sigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PixelatedBaloney
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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Oh heck.

I thought I would share a joke from my own Dad.

Dad: " I'm like a six sided shape"

Me: "....... What do you mean?"

insert long exasperated silence

Dad: " All my hecks are gone!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/routinemiracles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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A trip to the zoo (recommended I post this here)

So a little boy goes to the Zoo with his mom. They go to the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephant and says "Mom, What's that thing hanging down?" The mom looks and says "Well honey that's his tail." The boy says "No, the other thing.." Mom replies "Well that's his trunk." The boy gets exasperated and says no the thing between the elephant's back legs." The mother get embarrassed and says " oh that...well that's nothing" A little later the boy returns with his father. He turns to his dad and asks "Hey dad, what is that big thing hanging down between the elephant's legs? Mom said it was nothing." The dad smiles and says "Well son, that's because your mom has been spoiled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Busterdouglas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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Dadjoked at the liquor store

So my wife's birthday was coming up, and she really loves absinthe. Lately she had been talking about visiting some bars or restaurants that served it, so I decided to splurge a bit and buy her a set of glasses and spoons, along with a nice bottle of "the green fairy."

Doing a little research, I discovered that a local distillery produced a well-regarded version of it, so I decided to hit a few liquor stores around town to see if they carried it. As luck would have it, the first place I went to did have some in stock.

I took it up to the counter and got into a conversation with the cashier. I explained how this was going to be a birthday present for my wife, and hopefully it would score me a few points in the romance department. His response: "Well, you know what they say--absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!"

I was dumbstruck. He started to apologize for his "corny joke" (as he put it), but I waved him off and was finally able to commend him on his brilliance. The best part of all--I have a great dadjoke I can repeat to co-workers and family members (or anyone else who will listen) for repeated eye rolls and exasperated groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdm242
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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My Dad as we drive past a cemetary

Dad: I heard that people are just dying to get in there

Me: Exasperated sigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laxhero15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
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