2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in

Hadn’t cleaned the house all year

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the1nonlyevilelmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.

You’re just getting a head of yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I was talking to my friend and he asked me, β€œAs a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, β€œTo be honest,...

β€œ...my mother was never a young boy.”

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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To be honest the queen of England is old

She must drink imortali-tea

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/humansizedfruit69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Well, to be honest

I'd have to change my name

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/immonkeydluffy99
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Not a huge fan, to be honest.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fiveminded
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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I decided to quit my job and become a museum curator, but to be honest

I'm just doing it for the Monet

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeerCrimson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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I would want my nickel back to be honest
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadyNite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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To be quite honest, I'm not liking this sub at all...

I should have gone to Wendy's instead.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicox37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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To be honest, this doesn't really impresley me
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siyuze
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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To be honest, I think everybody should use kilograms.

A system of ten makes weigh more sense.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AutoRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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If I'm honest I could never be a politician.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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How do you ask Frank Sinatra to be honest?

Tell him to be himself, that's all.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7ggmma7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I realy like the Razer phone but to be honest

I just got it to be edgy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukas_memer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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When giving blood, always be honest....

My Dad and I went to donate for the Red Cross. They gave us the paperwork to fill out, and were getting ready to start collecting the blood.

The nurse asked a few of the last minute, "Must repeat this:" questions, and asked my Dad, "Have you ever paid anyone for sex."

Dad replied, "What do you think marriage is?"

The nurse laughed so hard, she had to get someone else put the IV in his arm.

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlandsMarshal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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To be honest Ryan wasn’t as completely rad as he seemed... medium.com/@kyle_freeman/…
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyle_QueTerror
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2016
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Are you kidding with me? You can’t honestly be this bad at tug of wars.

You’re pulling my leg.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed

To be honest this is pretty demolarizing

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyHandsAreOrange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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So I used to own a rabbit farm.

You know I would raise these super cute fluffy bunnies!

People would always ask me how it was: was it relaxing, fun, nice, a bore etc...?

I would always respond that it was honestly terrifying, like really scary.

People in bewilderment would always say: "what? scary? how can that be??"

I would respond: "well, it was hare raising"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pilp147
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Honestly, Missouri has to be in my top 50 most favorite states in the US
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingersnap5322
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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I don't think I'll ever find a stable job

To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/APunchToThePuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I've been charged with murdering a man with sandpaper.

But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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That French pastry chef makes me so uncomfortable.

To be honest, he gives me the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcslims
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I tried out crossdressing recently.

To be honest, I didn’t care for it much. It felt like a drag.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tm8o_84517
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper

To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahamsoomro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I put on a blindfold to see what I would look like in the mirror.

To be honest, I just don't see myself wearing it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UsualCanary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I went to the dentist the other day. He took one look at my teeth and said he needed to do an impression.

To be honest, his Sinatra wasn't that bad.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodNamedBob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Son: There's no salt on this. Mom: Well, it's hard to see salt.

Dad: But can you table salt?

Mom: I don't know, let's discuss that next time.

Edit: To be honest I'm a little salty about the bland reaction this dad/mom joke got :)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/likeabutterdream
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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My wife said I never buy her flowers...

..., to be honest I never knew she is selling them.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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My job interview for the Navy was going well, until they asked if I could swim

To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask_carly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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We ordered some mail-order chickens a few months ago. Today, one of my housemates said it's looking like one of them is turning out to be a rooster.

I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"

This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlitterCritter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I’ve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman

It’s better to be honest, I just want to be transparent

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Our city’s main reservoir leaked and now water supply is dependent on a network of bores

Which to be honest I think is a pretty mean way to refer to our city council, however dull they may be.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.

It's left me scratching my head to be honest.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Confession time

I’ve really been opposed to beards in the past because I don’t like how they look. But because of laziness, I now have a beard. And to be honest, it’s really grown on me

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0NN0Rwdwrd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I've just had my first coffee.

To be honest, it's not my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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My girlfriend started lying to me because of all my bad jokes.

We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.

A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.

She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.

We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.

I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.

But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.

The worst part is that she lied to me for the first time in all these years. I felt like I just couldn't trust her anymore and everything I thought I knew about her as a person just became questionable. I need your advice on how to react to this huge lie...

She told me she's Sorry, but I know for a FACT that her name is Diane.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/filiprogic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My bed used to be on the floor but I recently bought a bed frame

I can honestly say the quality of my sleep is slightly above where it used to be

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxTURDxTACOxX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Went to a Dub night.

Bit weird, to be honest. Everyone was talking in foreign languages and their lips didn't match what their voices were saying.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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As part of my rehab my therapist has me not sitting down at all during the day and it’s both tiring and not fun

To be honest, I can barely stand it

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I was named after my dad

After my dad is a bit weird name, to be honest.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhadau8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is upset because I never buy her flowers.

To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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