Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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A tuning fork is a pitch fork
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.

They needed to bring on the Sub early.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Help, can someone help me make my elevator pitch more interesting, and can anyone think of a good Egyptian related pun to put as an opener?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScareOdin00608
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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From my dad, a minute ago: β€œyour mom and I went to a completely pitch black restaurants once”

β€œThey didn’t have any seafood there!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackwellsucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aun-de
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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If one speaks in a perfect cadence and pitch in all languages

Does that make one "intonational?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wootlesthegoat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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My neighbors were trimming their pine, so I thought I would pitch in to help

But I fell and now am in a very sticky situation...

I know this will resin-ate with many of you out there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trickyd9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases

We call this high coo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin β€” a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp β€” but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
It's actually pretty hard to pitch a good joke about tents
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZephyrZephyrGreen
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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This is my elevator pitch. I run a company that sells literal things.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheepschemes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
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This is my sales pitch:

D#

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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Studying Civil War history when my dad decided to pitch in.

Me: I can't believe I have to memorize the entire Gettysburg Address by tomorrow.

Dad: Make sure you don't forget the zipcode!

Me: -_____-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haycalon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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During a round of golf, my playing partner's pitch lands on the green next to mine

" Great, now we can be putt buddies!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WolfofMainStreet
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
🚨︎ report

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