Paddy and his wife are on holiday in England visiting Historical Sites.

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Paddy bought 2 goldfish

His mate Mick visited him.

Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"

Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"

Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"

Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MEJAFog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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"I have 1760 yards of paddy fields"

He said with a wry smile.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LowInFat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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Paddy Murphy was asked to bring a cage full of monkeys to the zoo

He was given 50 quid for the job. The boss on the way home catches Paddy going the wrong way, "what are ye at Paddy, I have you 50 quid to bring them to the zoo"

Paddy says "I know ye but I had change left over so I'm bringing them to the movies now"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeFrayne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Paddy and Murphy playing football in the gutter.

Paddy fell off the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Paddy, was that you?

Heres my late fathers favorite joke song!
Paddy Mcginty, an Irish man at heart, went to the doctors and said he couldnt fart, The doctor gave him a can of beans, And sent him home, an hour later he farted down the phone, The doctor said Paddy, was that you? He said that he's sure, cause he's poo'd in his shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mauveinex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what St. Paddy's Day is good for?

Buying some new "Paddy-O" furniture. I'll show myself out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFightGoes0n
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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Whattdya call a bullet proof Irishman ??????

Rick O'Shea !!!!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bythewater9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What’s Irish and stays out all summer?

Patty O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 324
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perpetualbarista
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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What's Irish and comes out in the spring?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Patio Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DVD90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irishman sitting outside?

Paddy O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthew1916
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MShafiSatthar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Kids, I'm telling you, burgers are ALWAYS female, and I'll prove it to you

let me introduce you to my burger... *drumroll*

Meet patty

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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What's Irish and stays outside all year long?

Paddy O'Furniture.

Edited for the correct spelling.

πŸ‘︎ 611
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fenris2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a drunk Irish man passed out in your yard?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sleepythe12th
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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An assassin was recently hired to kill a cow in a rice field with two porcelain figures

Police say it's the first reported case of nick-nack paddy wack.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djSanta1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Did you hear about the man who beat his friend with a stolen trinket in the rice fields?

Apparently, it was the first ever case of a knick-knack-paddy-whack.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asian_dodo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Q:What's Irish and sits by the pool

A: Patio Furniture! (Paddy O'Furniture).

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tableshade12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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Punny Hashtag for St. Patrick’s Day

Hey guys, I am tasked with designing a hashtag for out Paddy’s day. I work in an Irish pub and it’s a huge day for us. I was thinking #guinesspartystarted or #mindyouownguiness. Any awesome ideas? Thanks

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chompton23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats Irish and lays around in the sun all day?

Pati O’ Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarlinsBB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call Irish lawn chairs?

Paddy O'Furniture

Edit: spelling

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akran997
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Here's TWO-FER. A little long for a Dad joke, but I do feel they fit the "Zone"

A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he'd long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, "Can you take me to where I can get scrod?" The driver replies, "I've heard that question a thousand times but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

An Irishman goes to a building site for his first day of work, and a couple of Englishmen think, "Ah, we'll have some fun with him!" So they walk up and say, "Hey, Paddy, as you're new here make sure you know a joist from a girder..." "Ah, sure, I knows" says Paddy, "twas Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apikoros18
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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A guy walks out of a hotel and says to the doorman, "Call me a cab."

"You're a cab."

Overheard a dad say that to his two young boys while walking to the train this morning.

πŸ‘︎ 215
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πŸ‘€︎ u/g_as_in_gnarly
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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In honor of St Patrick's Day being a warm day,

I plan on having a beer outside sitting on our Paddy O'Furniture.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lastartrek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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TIL that my father named me Luke just so...

...he could say, "Luke, I am your father!" and laugh about it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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So my dad just figured out how to text message, and he's taking full advantage of it.

This is the exact interaction that took place:

Dad: I have a joke for you

Me: Aight.

Dad: When someone expresses an annoying opinion ask them...

Me: Go on. Im enthralled.

Dad: Deer eat grass, cows eat grass

Dad: Horses eat grass

Dad: Ask: why is deer poop like raisins but cow poop look like paddies and horse look like apple plop

Dad: He or she will say I do not know

Dad: R u ready for punchline?

Me: I was born ready.

Dad: Ok then...

Dad: U say, why do I care what u say when you don't know shit!

Me: I see you learned to text message.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllantheCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a big Irish spider?

A Paddy long-legs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HE77B0Y
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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What do you call an Irishman that's passed out on your deck?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Russ_T_Razor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2016
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I used to have an origami business

but it folded.

(Heard from Paddy McGuiness)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaringAsshole
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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What's Robin Hoods girlfriend called?

A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

"But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aontroim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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Girlfriend had two groaners this weekend

First one, we were in some really bad St. Paddy's Day traffic. The people around us were honking and getting pissed and cutting each other off. She remarked that "someone's gonna get in an accident...well, in this case it would be an 'on purpose.'"

Second one, we were at the zoo and I pointed out the zebras, saying that I had spotted them. "Uh, don't you mean you striped them?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trumpet_23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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Irish furniture joke

Dad just walked in with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face to tell me this joke.

"What do you call an Irishman sitting on his front porch?"

"Paddy O'Furniture"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christiancarlos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
🚨︎ report
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does an Irishman sit outside?

On Paddy O’Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiny_spring
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and sits outside in the summer?

Paddy O'Furniture!

πŸ‘︎ 862
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormkitty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and stays outside all year?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StixOButter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rockstorm8232
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and comes out in Spring?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanb49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and sits out on the lawn all day?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
The mafia killed a man in a rice field today because of a dispute over a small trinket

It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What's Irish and sits out on the lawn all day?

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Every Year... What's Irish and Sits outside

Paddy O'Furniture

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingersluck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report

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