Paddy Puns

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

His mate Mick visited him.

Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"

Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"

Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"

Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"

He said with a wry smile.

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

He was given 50 quid for the job. The boss on the way home catches Paddy going the wrong way, "what are ye at Paddy, I have you 50 quid to bring them to the zoo"

Paddy says "I know ye but I had change left over so I'm bringing them to the movies now"

Paddy fell off the roof.

Heres my late fathers favorite joke song!
Paddy Mcginty, an Irish man at heart, went to the doctors and said he couldnt fart, The doctor gave him a can of beans, And sent him home, an hour later he farted down the phone, The doctor said Paddy, was that you? He said that he's sure, cause he's poo'd in his shoe.

Buying some new "Paddy-O" furniture. I'll show myself out.

Rick O'Shea !!!!

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

Patty O’Furniture

Paddy O'Furniture

Patio Furniture

Paddy O’Furniture

After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...

"You reap what you saw".

let me introduce you to my burger... *drumroll*

Meet patty

Paddy O'Furniture.

Edited for the correct spelling.

Paddy O'Furniture

Police say it's the first reported case of nick-nack paddy wack.

Apparently, it was the first ever case of a knick-knack-paddy-whack.

A: Patio Furniture! (Paddy O'Furniture).

Hey guys, I am tasked with designing a hashtag for out Paddy’s day. I work in an Irish pub and it’s a huge day for us. I was thinking #guinesspartystarted or #mindyouownguiness. Any awesome ideas? Thanks

Pati O’ Furniture

Paddy O'Furniture

Edit: spelling

A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he'd long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, "Can you take me to where I can get scrod?" The driver replies, "I've heard that question a thousand times but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

An Irishman goes to a building site for his first day of work, and a couple of Englishmen think, "Ah, we'll have some fun with him!" So they walk up and say, "Hey, Paddy, as you're new here make sure you know a joist from a girder..." "Ah, sure, I knows" says Paddy, "twas Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust."

"You're a cab."

Overheard a dad say that to his two young boys while walking to the train this morning.

I plan on having a beer outside sitting on our Paddy O'Furniture.

...he could say, "Luke, I am your father!" and laugh about it.

This is the exact interaction that took place:

Dad: I have a joke for you

Me: Aight.

Dad: When someone expresses an annoying opinion ask them...

Me: Go on. Im enthralled.

Dad: Deer eat grass, cows eat grass

Dad: Horses eat grass

Dad: Ask: why is deer poop like raisins but cow poop look like paddies and horse look like apple plop

Dad: He or she will say I do not know

Dad: R u ready for punchline?

Me: I was born ready.

Dad: Ok then...

Dad: U say, why do I care what u say when you don't know shit!

Me: I see you learned to text message.

A Paddy long-legs.

Paddy O'Furniture

but it folded.

(Heard from Paddy McGuiness)

A teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Paddy raises his hand and says "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

"No Paddy, the answer is Maid Marion."

"But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."

First one, we were in some really bad St. Paddy's Day traffic. The people around us were honking and getting pissed and cutting each other off. She remarked that "someone's gonna get in an accident...well, in this case it would be an 'on purpose.'"

Second one, we were at the zoo and I pointed out the zebras, saying that I had spotted them. "Uh, don't you mean you striped them?"

Dad just walked in with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face to tell me this joke.

"What do you call an Irishman sitting on his front porch?"

"Paddy O'Furniture"

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack

On Paddy O’Furniture

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

Paddy O'Furniture!

Paddy O'Furniture

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

Paddy O'Furniture

Paddy O'Furniture

It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

Paddy O'Furniture

Paddy O'Furniture