What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Dont wok away from me!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/midnighthunder0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?

Arisotto

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/matt_read
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
All rice!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chiefyaj
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do you know your Rice Crispies are stoned?

They go, "Snack, Popple, and Crap!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BloodyMorgan
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piรฑatas.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 60
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/heilhanson
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
During quarrantine I've really perfected how to make some heavenly rice.

I boil the hell out of it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/enganere
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice

I told her that sheโ€™s rice-ist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PoeJascoe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I really like shrimp-fried rice.

Itโ€™s amazing how they can hold that big skillet in their tiny little claws.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bullhead20
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is Spiderman's favourite brand of rice?

Uncle Ben's

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 18
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My son only ate the white rice and ignored the meatball and yellow lentils

I think he's ricist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/falgony
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My girlfriend hates brown rice and only eats white rice.

Iโ€™m dating a ricist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/in2diep
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?

Mom: (points) you find it rice there.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/falknorRockman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My pastor wasnโ€™t a fan of my new Jesus Riceโ„ข

He said not to take the lords name in grain.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spyro4now
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
And together, we will rice
๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cryptkfire
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice

He said it was a type of pilau.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jonathanharker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy

They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LowInFat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How are Rice Krispies able to bend so well without breaking?

Because theyโ€™re marsh-malleable.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_Dredex_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An assassin was recently hired to kill a cow in a rice field with two porcelain figures

Police say it's the first reported case of nick-nack paddy wack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/djSanta1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the potato say to the rice

Sup-rice

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MineMinecrafft
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Every morning I wake up feeling like rice crispies

My body goes snap, crackle, pop

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dmharper80
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'm sure it has been done, but chicken fried rice! Found at a resort tempenaki restaurant.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dinosoares21
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?

Queenua

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SixSalamander
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the man who beat his friend with a stolen trinket in the rice fields?

Apparently, it was the first ever case of a knick-knack-paddy-whack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Asian_dodo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I accidentally got rice in my headphone jack

Now all my music sounds Grainy

๐Ÿ‘︎ 49
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SHZD_786
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How did the man feel when he put too much sauce on his rice?

He was over soyed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/smellthejar
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Integral rice
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WhoWritedThisName
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Folks kept ignoring me until I started talking about rice.

People pay more attention when you bring ricin to the conversation.

Credit to u/RollinThundaga.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Perrin42
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rockstorm8232
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Chicken-fried rice
๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bombastic_Sushi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A farmer with a terrible headache was carrying a bag of rice...

His headache got so bad, he dropped his rice and yelled "my grains!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AwesomeAge121
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Shrimp Fried Rice??
๐Ÿ‘︎ 81
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BlackRelish12
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OK_Compooper
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So youโ€™re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/droopydrip1007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When my brother has kids I'm going to cook them rice and teach them about great responsibility.

My name is Ben.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zanman28
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Apparently Rice helps improve your memory.

Just some food for thought.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/n3rv0u5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When people say that all rice is the same, that's a little bit

Rice-ist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Deadly_R
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I opened my birthday card and a load of rice fell out...

I know exactly who sent it.

It was my Uncle Ben.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PeakSaren
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Are you trying to tell me a shrimp fried this rice?!?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RageMonster17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Condoleezza Rice is retiring from public life and is downsizing.

From now on, she will be known as Apartmentleezza Rice.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 220
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour

She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrcheckpointeh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The other day my friend was talking nonstop about how he didnโ€™t like brown rice

So I told him to stop being ricest

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrRedSpy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out

Must've been from my uncle Ben

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rossmoyes7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An Asian couple goes into a restaurant. The first one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have some rice.โ€

An Asian couple goes into a restaurant. The first one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have some rice.โ€ The second one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have some rice nโ€™ chicken.โ€

The second died.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MarcusFenixCSS
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Me: Mum why did we get brown rice, white is better. Mum: Donโ€™t be racist. Dad: or is he ricecist!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MasterMemer--
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad got his first smart phone. I asked him if he knew to put it in rice if it got wet...

Him: Yeah and if that doesn't work, you put butter on it

Me: Butter?? Really? I hadn't heard that one. Why butter?

Him: Because if the rice doesn't work the phone is toast

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/taurus_tourist
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A gangster recently plead guilty for beating a cow to death in a rice field using two porcelain figures.

Authorities say itโ€™s the first first time theyโ€™ve ever dealt with a knick knack patty wack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Adamkm92
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So you mean to tell me a shrimp fried this rice?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shippy10_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Do you know why I always add Soya sauce to my rice?

Because brown rice is healthier than white rice!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/onlybrownpanther
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My daughter told me she didn't like brown rice.

I didn't realize I was raising a rice-ist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 55
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/writechriswrite
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is the most dishonest of all the rice dishes?

Jumbalaya

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LegitPlaysGames
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is the slogan of the hard-working rice farmers?

No pain, no grain

๐Ÿ‘︎ 60
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thanhjas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was given a bag of rice for my birthday

thanks uncle Ben.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tedmeowls
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The mafia killed a man in a rice field today because of a dispute over a small trinket

It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ValkornDoA
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do you make rice wine cold?

Remove the R.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CloverPixels
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call eating too many rice cakes on a boat?

Mochi sickness.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/saucerpinto808
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My daughter said she likes brown rice better than white rice.

I called her a riceist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/edhere
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My kids and I were at Costco this morning... We were looking for brown rice, they had only light brown rice... My son asked how they get light brown rice, to told him it was bi-rice-cial.... ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Visionbuilder
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The kitchen substituted something for my rice...

Orzo it seems.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lord_dumbello
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wild rice is so good Iโ€™ve decided to domesticate it
๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShantMin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What if rice pilaf was a French dish?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cg613
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I saw some people throwing rice at each other.

It was a pilau fight.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snomimons
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call an Australian that will only eat short-grain rice?

A rice-ist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_Random_Username_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I love rice, brown or white.

I'm not a ricist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kelzie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I complained to my dad about how we were having brown rice for dinner...

He told me not to be so riceist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/epicbob57
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My mom's making dirty rice..

So my mom says were having dirty rice with dinner and my dad replies, "Gross why is it dirty? You should clean it."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Aarmos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Daddy and the rice

My brother was telling the story about how his friend dropped his iPod Touch in a pool and he put it in rice.

Dad: "How long did it take?" Bro: "Something around a week" Dad: "He should have used MinuteRice, it would've been quicker."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 79
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xXFall3nLegacy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So my girlfriend didn't want to eat the cheesy rice her mother made for dinner that night...

And her dad says "God haley... Stop being such a ricest."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sabermo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad making fun of me for the time I broke rice

When you cook rice at too high a heat, it "breaks." This has followed me [female, btw] all my life as proof of my lack of cooking skills. One day, he was bringing this up, and the weekend before, I had made perfect scrambled eggs. So I retorted, "I can make eggs." To which he replied. "Yeah? But why are we talking about your reproductive system?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Whenever we have rice/peas

Me: Can you give me some peas/rice

Dad: How many?

.

.

I always overestimate how many rices I want

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/apple1rule
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
casual conversations about rice

My husband & myself having a casual conversation about rice.

Me: remember when I made that real good rice at the chili cook-off?

Him: uh, yeah sure, I guess.

Me: everyone said they liked it & It was the only rice there!

him: oh. I don't like rice. I'm a ricist.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notjane
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"Wanna know what Rice University's mascot is?"

The Crispy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/josekony
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Dont wok away from me!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Crankycarrotparrot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Rice.

Just some food for thought.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/n3rv0u5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.