Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
Why did the Japanese brewer take fermented rice to church ?
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my Brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
I love Basmati rice....
I could eat it Tilda cows come home.
What does rebellious rice always do?
So the other day I ordered some Kung Pao chicken, but I think it came with a side of pasta instead of rice
I almost made a huge mistake applying to Rice University.
I'm really a meat and potatoes kind of guy.
What do you call someone who only eats white rice?
The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket
It was a knick-knack paddy whack
Selena’s New single, Rice Cream
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
Tennis player Sampras needed rice wine and sent me to buy a bottle without giving me cash...
For Pete's sake, I guess he wants me to pay for it myself!
My wife said she prefers brown rice
My son refuses to eat rice if it in not white.
I said “Son, that’s ricest!”
I’m going to start a brand of rice wine and I’ll call it for fucks.
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope
It’s was from my uncle Ben
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
I don’t get why minute rice advertises that it’s “minute”.
It’s just as small as other rice.
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
During quarrantine I've really perfected how to make some heavenly rice.
I boil the hell out of it.
What is Spiderman's favourite brand of rice?
How do you know your Rice Crispies are stoned?
They go, "Snack, Popple, and Crap!"
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice
I told her that she’s rice-ist
I really like shrimp-fried rice.
It’s amazing how they can hold that big skillet in their tiny little claws.
My girlfriend hates brown rice and only eats white rice.
My son only ate the white rice and ignored the meatball and yellow lentils
And together, we will rice
My pastor wasn’t a fan of my new Jesus Rice™
He said not to take the lords name in grain.
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?
Mom: (points) you find it rice there.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
What did the potato say to the rice
I'm sure it has been done, but chicken fried rice! Found at a resort tempenaki restaurant.
An assassin was recently hired to kill a cow in a rice field with two porcelain figures
Police say it's the first reported case of nick-nack paddy wack.
How are Rice Krispies able to bend so well without breaking?
Because they’re marsh-malleable.
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy
They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
I accidentally got rice in my headphone jack
Now all my music sounds Grainy
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...
And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.
Did you hear about the man who beat his friend with a stolen trinket in the rice fields?
Apparently, it was the first ever case of a knick-knack-paddy-whack.
Every morning I wake up feeling like rice crispies
My body goes snap, crackle, pop
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?
Dad got his first smart phone. I asked him if he knew to put it in rice if it got wet...
Him: Yeah and if that doesn't work, you put butter on it
Me: Butter?? Really? I hadn't heard that one. Why butter?
Him: Because if the rice doesn't work the phone is toast
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?