What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
What do you call a Greek philosopher who loves rice?
How do you know your Rice Crispies are stoned?
They go, "Snack, Popple, and Crap!"
Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piñatas.
I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.
During quarrantine I've really perfected how to make some heavenly rice.
I boil the hell out of it.
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice
I told her that she’s rice-ist
I really like shrimp-fried rice.
It’s amazing how they can hold that big skillet in their tiny little claws.
What is Spiderman's favourite brand of rice?
My son only ate the white rice and ignored the meatball and yellow lentils
My girlfriend hates brown rice and only eats white rice.
Me: Mom where do I find the rice in the store?
Mom: (points) you find it rice there.
My pastor wasn’t a fan of my new Jesus Rice™
He said not to take the lords name in grain.
And together, we will rice
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I notified police after finding dozens of smashed porcelain figures in a rice paddy
They said it was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
How are Rice Krispies able to bend so well without breaking?
Because they’re marsh-malleable.
An assassin was recently hired to kill a cow in a rice field with two porcelain figures
Police say it's the first reported case of nick-nack paddy wack.
What did the potato say to the rice
Every morning I wake up feeling like rice crispies
My body goes snap, crackle, pop
I'm sure it has been done, but chicken fried rice! Found at a resort tempenaki restaurant.
What do you call the ruler of all things rice?
Did you hear about the man who beat his friend with a stolen trinket in the rice fields?
Apparently, it was the first ever case of a knick-knack-paddy-whack.
I accidentally got rice in my headphone jack
Now all my music sounds Grainy
How did the man feel when he put too much sauce on his rice?
Folks kept ignoring me until I started talking about rice.
People pay more attention when you bring ricin to the conversation.
Credit to u/RollinThundaga.
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
A farmer with a terrible headache was carrying a bag of rice...
His headache got so bad, he dropped his rice and yelled "my grains!"
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...
And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.
So you’re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!
When my brother has kids I'm going to cook them rice and teach them about great responsibility.
Apparently Rice helps improve your memory.
Just some food for thought.
When people say that all rice is the same, that's a little bit
I opened my birthday card and a load of rice fell out...
I know exactly who sent it.
It was my Uncle Ben.
Are you trying to tell me a shrimp fried this rice?!?
Condoleezza Rice is retiring from public life and is downsizing.
From now on, she will be known as Apartmentleezza Rice.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers
The other day my friend was talking nonstop about how he didn’t like brown rice
So I told him to stop being ricest
Opened a Christmas card today and rice fell out
Must've been from my uncle Ben
An Asian couple goes into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have some rice.”
An Asian couple goes into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have some rice.” The second one says “I think I’ll have some rice n’ chicken.”
The second died.
Me: Mum why did we get brown rice, white is better. Mum: Don’t be racist. Dad: or is he ricecist!
Dad got his first smart phone. I asked him if he knew to put it in rice if it got wet...
Him: Yeah and if that doesn't work, you put butter on it
Me: Butter?? Really? I hadn't heard that one. Why butter?
Him: Because if the rice doesn't work the phone is toast
A gangster recently plead guilty for beating a cow to death in a rice field using two porcelain figures.
Authorities say it’s the first first time they’ve ever dealt with a knick knack patty wack.
So you mean to tell me a shrimp fried this rice?
Do you know why I always add Soya sauce to my rice?
Because brown rice is healthier than white rice!
My daughter told me she didn't like brown rice.
I didn't realize I was raising a rice-ist.
What is the most dishonest of all the rice dishes?
What is the slogan of the hard-working rice farmers?
I was given a bag of rice for my birthday
The mafia killed a man in a rice field today because of a dispute over a small trinket
It is the first documented case of a knick-knack paddy whack.
How do you make rice wine cold?
What do you call eating too many rice cakes on a boat?
My daughter said she likes brown rice better than white rice.
My kids and I were at Costco this morning... We were looking for brown rice, they had only light brown rice... My son asked how they get light brown rice, to told him it was bi-rice-cial.... 😬
The kitchen substituted something for my rice...
Wild rice is so good I’ve decided to domesticate it
What if rice pilaf was a French dish?
I saw some people throwing rice at each other.
What do you call an Australian that will only eat short-grain rice?
I love rice, brown or white.
I complained to my dad about how we were having brown rice for dinner...
He told me not to be so riceist.
My mom's making dirty rice..
So my mom says were having dirty rice with dinner and my dad replies, "Gross why is it dirty? You should clean it."
Daddy and the rice
My brother was telling the story about how his friend dropped his iPod Touch in a pool and he put it in rice.
Dad: "How long did it take?"
Bro: "Something around a week"
Dad: "He should have used MinuteRice, it would've been quicker."
So my girlfriend didn't want to eat the cheesy rice her mother made for dinner that night...
And her dad says
"God haley... Stop being such a ricest."
My dad making fun of me for the time I broke rice
When you cook rice at too high a heat, it "breaks." This has followed me [female, btw] all my life as proof of my lack of cooking skills. One day, he was bringing this up, and the weekend before, I had made perfect scrambled eggs. So I retorted, "I can make eggs." To which he replied. "Yeah? But why are we talking about your reproductive system?"
Whenever we have rice/peas
Me: Can you give me some peas/rice
Dad: How many?
I always overestimate how many rices I want
casual conversations about rice
My husband & myself having a casual conversation about rice.
Me: remember when I made that real good rice at the chili cook-off?
Him: uh, yeah sure, I guess.
Me: everyone said they liked it & It was the only rice there!
him: oh. I don't like rice. I'm a ricist.
"Wanna know what Rice University's mascot is?"
What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Just some food for thought.