How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it's on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/svncactus117
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My wife left me because I made too many Linkin Park references

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I got kicked out of my poetry club because I made too many Linkin Park references

But who could rock a rhyme like this?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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How much does it cost for Santa to park his sleigh

Nothing! It’s on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height

I guess they were critter-sizing me

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What happened when Santa didn't pay to park his sleigh?

It got mistletowed.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danyodaddyo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Need Theme Park related puns

Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickyWeeee9068
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.

They didn’t like my critter sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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What happens to frogs that park illegally?

They get toad.

Edit: this content is unoriginal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFitBit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets.

Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?

I wanna commit suislide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GLIZZYGOD999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.

The view was not worth the trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Think_Naught
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What do you call an amusement park ride that's completely made out of iron?

A Ferrous Wheel! :D

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fafnir_19
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What does a Linkin Park fan and a Buddhist monk have in common?

They both know that in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boredkid03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Saw a kidnapping at the local park this morning

He must’ve been knackered, even his mum couldn’t wake him up

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xander725
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I was supposed to park on the east side of the lot...

...but I occidentally parked on the west

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiochemBeer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I was at the park the other day

And I heard a bunch of yelling and grunting near the tennis court. I went over there and asked

"What's with all the racket?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leaderrzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets

and then it hit me

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aresbeast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...

They said I was too critter-sizing

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I tried to skip the line in the water park

But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koolboy_678
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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A family is in an amusement park and comes across an animatronic display of Al Gore playing the drums.

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgrasso75
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My friend asks if it is okay to park without paying. I told him, β€œdon’t worry.”

β€œYou’ll be fined.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzlover511
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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You visit Christopher Walken's theme park for Christmas

It's Winter in a Walken Wonderland.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malkes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Standing at the park today wondering why does a frisbee appears larger the closer it gets..

And then it hit me! I didn't see that one coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MainScientist6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Two crows land on a park bench.

They were arrested for conspiring to murder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/codenewt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Did you hear that they're building a new trampoline park in Beijing?

It's called Xi Jum'ping.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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A husband and wife are walking in the park together.

Suddenly, the wife pointed out that it was snowing. The husband shook his head and exclaimed that it was just raining. After disagreeing for quite some time, they decided to ask their communist friend, Rudolph. He also exclaimed that it was raining. The husband then said to his wife,

β€œSee, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RosselWestbrook
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Crime on multi storey car parks.

Wrong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralHornbill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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I own a fake town which is actually a horror theme park and I only let a few people in at a time to keep demand and prices high.

It's called artificial scare-city

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomBaiRaise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park

There's a spaceman .............

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crybaby4444
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I stood in the park wondering why a frisbee gets bigger the closer it gets to you.

Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe9455426
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Why did the chicken cross the park?

To get to the other slide

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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I witnessed a kidnapping at the park the other day

He woke up like 5 minutes later tho

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Is this amusement-park big wheel made of iron?

Yes. It's a ferrous wheel

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sawrce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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What did the New Zealander say to the statue in the park?

Statue bro?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/STOITZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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My local safari park is trying to pass off common Caribou as African Wildebeest...

Fake Gnus!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 296
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatal_fame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartansshadow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?

nothing, its on the house

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....

They didn’t like me critter sizing.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/18021982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What do you call an Iron Wheel at an Amusement Park?

A Ferrous Wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arihant1479
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing.

It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quibblicous
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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