..to find exactly 32 of them.
Dad: “Sorry, son... That’s not possible.”
Son: “I really did, I promise!”
Dad: “It isn’t possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.”
Son: “Why not?”
Dad: “Because, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!”
The little shit used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
"Reindeer?" I asked.
He said, "Yes. Hence the puddle."
I heard business is boo-ming
At the Camelot
(My Egyptian father’s fav joke)
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he never gave me a single dime!
They get toad.
Nothing, it's on the house.
Behind monkey bars.
Then it hit me.
I should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.
She sells, C cells by the seesaw.
They charged one and let off the other!
It was a shih-tzu
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
The seesaw
I asked him about it and that was a mistake. He just kept droning on and on!
My fault for getting one that’s pure bread.
Me: The sign said “Fine for parking”.
But in the end, it doesn't even matter
My mom likes pulling straight into park spots. My dad prefers to back in. I don't care. I'm Neutral
You get Jurass out .
They didn’t like my critter sizing.
Wrong on so many levels.
But who could rock a rhyme like this?
Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?
It got mistletowed.
A Ferrous Wheel! :D
I wanna commit suislide
...but I occidentally parked on the west
He must’ve been knackered, even his mum couldn’t wake him up
Dad: “Sorry, son... That’s not possible.”
Son: “Why? Because it would be a pair-o’-ducks?
Dad: “No, because you’re blind.”
They get toad
Nothing. It’s on the house!
His car gets toad
Nothing, it’s on the house
Nothing! It’s on the house!
They get toad.
Edit: this content is unoriginal
Nothing, it’s on the house!
nothing, its on the house
Nothing, it’s on the house.
Then it hit me.
Nothing. It’s on the house.
Nothing.
It’s on the house.
and then it hit me
