I thought I saw Michael J Fox at my local garden centre.
I'm not sure if it was him, though, as he had his back to the fuchsias
What did Ronald Reagan’s wife say when he asked her if she wanted a new herb garden?
This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,I’m on the fence.
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....
I put it in the back garden.
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden
Almost all garden gnomes have red hats
What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
I went out the garden this afternoon and got sunburnt. It was my own fault...
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden
When I saw her kill a butterfly, so to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "Nice try".
My wife said her garden had flooded
Turns out there was a leek
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
I get aroused by wrapping myself in an old, mangled garden hose
Why couldn’t Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?
Because God took away their paradise.
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
I walked into my house after slipping and falling in my garden...
My son noticed that I had brown all over my shorts.
Son: “What happened, dad?”
Me: “Well, son, I appear to have soiled myself.”
My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:
"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."
"I don't have a single weed in my garden"
They're all married with children.....
Puns are blooming all over this garden....Like a cat fight between a dandelion and tiger lily...
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
“Dad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.
Fellow Dads, Help me name this Garden Art
Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.
I called it GandOwlF
I asked a friend to help me weed my herb garden today.
He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
Today I gave my dad some French beans I had grown in my garden.
He asked if they needed to go into quarantine!
(UK just asked everyone coming in from France to observe 2 weeks quarantine)
I got some new Star Trek garden insecticide
It's called Leonard Neem Oil
My friend was crying because he didn't know what to grow in his garden
I told him to grow a pear
I made a little bird hooouse, and put it in my garden...
...it's for the Spare O's.
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;
it's a problem called ingrown hares.
I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm
My wife wanted to brighten up the garden
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
I reported my root garden missing to the police.
They told me they’d see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasn’t their beet. I don’t think they carrot all!
My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon
I just wish his wife would do the same
I wanted to plant every herb in my garden.
But I just don't have the thyme.
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...
"Third thyme's a charm."
Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.
I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
Which gardens are most talkative?
The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect
Turns out the evidence was planted
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up