Garden pun
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I thought I saw Michael J Fox at my local garden centre.

I'm not sure if it was him, though, as he had his back to the fuchsias

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What did Ronald Reagan’s wife say when he asked her if she wanted a new herb garden?

Oh-Reagan-no!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avian_mojo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...

They were U-tubers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.

Personally,I’m on the fence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.

The assistant asked me, β€œWill you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, β€œNo, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forstuvetankel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....

I put it in the back garden.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden

The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Almost all garden gnomes have red hats

It’s a little gnome fact

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?

There's a vas deferens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarthbane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I went out the garden this afternoon and got sunburnt. It was my own fault...

I was basking for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden

When I saw her kill a butterfly, so to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "Nice try".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNanu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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My wife said her garden had flooded

Turns out there was a leek

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuanSancock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.

Good thymes...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I get aroused by wrapping myself in an old, mangled garden hose

It's pretty kinky

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Why couldn’t Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?

Because God took away their paradise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kerfandrosSr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I walked into my house after slipping and falling in my garden...

My son noticed that I had brown all over my shorts.

Son: β€œWhat happened, dad?”

Me: β€œWell, son, I appear to have soiled myself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Why was the garden wet?

Because the centipede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wils_152
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:

"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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"I don't have a single weed in my garden"

They're all married with children.....

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Puns are blooming all over this garden....Like a cat fight between a dandelion and tiger lily...

Oops...A Daisy

https://preview.redd.it/wxa25n2a58c51.png?width=2478&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e61299d08db7234a2776473a1ad3c254e04ee80

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l17charlie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,

β€œDad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up

Good thymes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Fellow Dads, Help me name this Garden Art

Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.

Carved Tree

I called it GandOwlF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marc--
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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I asked a friend to help me weed my herb garden today.

He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahastes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...

... it’s impeckable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/44pointer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Today I gave my dad some French beans I had grown in my garden.

He asked if they needed to go into quarantine!

(UK just asked everyone coming in from France to observe 2 weeks quarantine)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I got some new Star Trek garden insecticide

It's called Leonard Neem Oil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My friend was crying because he didn't know what to grow in his garden

I told him to grow a pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/69niceurmoom420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I made a little bird hooouse, and put it in my garden...

...it's for the Spare O's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!

I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KittenWarlord87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;

it's a problem called ingrown hares.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Olive Garden kid’s cups
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveAThiccccCat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm

It's a metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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My wife wanted to brighten up the garden

So I planted some bulbs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.

But I just nailed it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustardbyname
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I reported my root garden missing to the police.

They told me they’d see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasn’t their beet. I don’t think they carrot all!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon

I just wish his wife would do the same

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohDaddyNo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I wanted to plant every herb in my garden.

But I just don't have the thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...

"Third thyme's a charm."

--

Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.

It’s being such a pesto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Creditcard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Which gardens are most talkative?

The ones with tulips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t-sigh
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect

Turns out the evidence was planted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haligaliman
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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