Garden pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Almost all garden gnomes have red hats

It’s a little gnome fact

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
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I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Why was the garden wet?

Because the centipede.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wils_152
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
My wife said her garden had flooded

Turns out there was a leek

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuanSancock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
I walked into my house after slipping and falling in my garden...

My son noticed that I had brown all over my shorts.

Son: β€œWhat happened, dad?”

Me: β€œWell, son, I appear to have soiled myself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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Puns are blooming all over this garden....Like a cat fight between a dandelion and tiger lily...

Oops...A Daisy

https://preview.redd.it/wxa25n2a58c51.png?width=2478&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e61299d08db7234a2776473a1ad3c254e04ee80

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πŸ‘€︎ u/l17charlie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
I asked a friend to help me weed my herb garden today.

He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahastes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up

Good thymes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
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I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...

... it’s impeckable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/44pointer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
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Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,

β€œDad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
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My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;

it's a problem called ingrown hares.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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My friend was crying because he didn't know what to grow in his garden

I told him to grow a pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/69niceurmoom420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Fellow Dads, Help me name this Garden Art

Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.

Carved Tree

I called it GandOwlF

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marc--
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
I got some new Star Trek garden insecticide

It's called Leonard Neem Oil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm

It's a metro-gnome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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I made a little bird hooouse, and put it in my garden...

...it's for the Spare O's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I reported my root garden missing to the police.

They told me they’d see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasn’t their beet. I don’t think they carrot all!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!

I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KittenWarlord87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Olive Garden kid’s cups
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveAThiccccCat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a salad that's grown in an enclosed garden in England?

A Waldorf salad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Own-Initial
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon

I just wish his wife would do the same

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohDaddyNo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I wanted to plant every herb in my garden.

But I just don't have the thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustardbyname
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to brighten up the garden

So I planted some bulbs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.

But I just nailed it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.

It’s being such a pesto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CodyClay1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...

"Third thyme's a charm."

--

Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Which gardens are most talkative?

The ones with tulips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t-sigh
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
People ask me how I take such good care of my herb garden...

Really I have nothing but thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRowdiest
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect

Turns out the evidence was planted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haligaliman
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My wife lamented that our newly planted hostas in the garden will probably die...

I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.

That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Felt bad for that garden snail after he lost his shell..

Poor guy has been sluggish ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Creditcard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What cat is good at DIY and brightens up the garden?

A handy-lion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Her: "I'm thinking about a garden. Like, raised bed."

Me: "Who's Ray?"

Her: "What?"

Me: "And how do you know what his bed is like??"

Her: "Oh my god, shut up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What is brown, and runs round the garden?

Fence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaMenck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I wonder if accessory garden buildings really make you happy...

Or if its only due to the gazebo-effect

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frasaco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.

I am wondering where did that mango.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/strychinine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
Just got to a really interesting part in a book about an abandoned garden.

The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run inside and tell my wife about it, and then I remembered why I was digging in our garden

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
What did the scarecrow say during the garden party.

Lettuce turnip the beet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Someone has been sneaking into my garden and adding top soil...

The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...

They keep foiling my plot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow in your garden?

A lawnmoower

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggcellent_guy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Whoever you are, I will plot a revenge in your garden...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_ass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to church in the garden

The preacher said lettuce pray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Garden Gnome
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceDC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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With Storm Ciara rolling in I was worried about my pet bunnies out there in the garden.

But it’s fine - I’ve battened down the hutches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeChump
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
As I suspected someone’s been adding soil to my garden

The plot thickens

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Ya hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?

It was cutting-hedge technology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mardrom_Bransle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Need help in the garden? Can't carry all your tools? Get a happy dog!

The tail is a wagon!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcleodpirate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imawkwardtrash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was tending to my garden, and carrying a large, opened bag of dirt, when suddenly I heard a big scary noise!

Safe to say, I soiled my plants.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLargeQ-mark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Santa water his garden?

With the ho-ho-hose.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeGuy581
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy lives in our back garden, we call him Steven... Steven Seagull
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretend-its-good
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Frog parking at the local fairy garden
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LQuacks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was planting myself in a garden.

It felt so real, I actually soiled myself.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was doing some work in the garden and tripped over a rock.

Damn it, I soiled myself.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daintyoaktree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Know what Thanos says when he finds a rotten fruit in his garden? My kids: Ugh.

"It is... Inedible"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fubarfrank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
For years I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged.

The plot thickens...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scootymcpuff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
No one was Garden the front gate
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Mage913
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins and was about to run straight home to tell my wife

Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, in my garden, I came across a creature that was a cross between man and cat!

It was a Manx cat.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was in my garden and saw 10 ants running frantically...

so I got some cardboard and made them a little house, I guess that makes me their landlord, and them... My tenants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked an experienced gardener how I could improve my herb garden.

He gave me some sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Got a big garden now
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayceelee7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Garden Variety Pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleporpoise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My son convinced my sisters to sneak into Canada and start a garden.

It's his Alien Aunt Farm.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsaot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What Did the Vegetables say when they were kicked out of the garden ?

"it's fine then Lettuce Leaf!!! "

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shdwstar2417
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve realized the secret to having an herb garden.

I just take my thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edward01986
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad recently lost all of the vegetables we had just pulled out of the garden.

He isn't worried though, he said they should turnip.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Challengedildo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
As I suspected someone's been adding soil to my garden....

The plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Watching The Discovery Channel, I learned which garden organism has the dirtiest job...

The Mike Rowe organism.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a rock garden
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A father and son are walking through their garden and stops in front of a tree

Father: "For 18 years i've watched you grow up to be a great young adult, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm so proud of Yew."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?

That's the harvest part.

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the garden tools break up?

Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mt105
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.

The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went out to my garden to plant some flowers

But i realized i hadn't botany

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWACS-Thunderhead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought about getting a robot to mow our garden, but it is a huge property.

I’m afraid that won’t cut it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pixelbert
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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How does Father Christmas tend to his garden?

With a hoe hoe hoe.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend asked why growing her garden made her so happy...

I told her "It's because they root for you!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boisetomiami
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did tree did the chemist plant in her garden?

A ChemisTREE

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbarudi
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tree surgeon who was found to be hiding escaped convicts up trees in his garden?

He was charged with arboring criminals

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What garden tool does every Hun use?

Atilla

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a garden center and they had thyme just for pizza, which I thought was a rip off because any thyme is pizza thyme.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spellimg_mistake
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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I called the cops on a couple crows meeting in my garden.

It was an attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Bilbo was surprised to wake up one morning and find a supermarket had been built in his garden.

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/owiekazzowie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
People often say to me after rearranging my garden in alphabetical order, how did I find the time.

I said it is there next to the sage.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonLordMammon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s just as I suspected, someone’s been adding soil to my garden

The plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CtrlSodapop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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