Santa Claus announced that he’s giving everyone the same gardening tool for Christmas.

Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stchrysostom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t really think of any gardening related jokes recently

Most of them are planted in the dirt tier

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bright_Dude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Over quarantine I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.

I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...

I just wish his wife would come out with him

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Pacman do the gardening?

...With a weed waka waka waka

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lightning3240
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to start gardening but I have a problem

I haven't botany

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milk-is-bad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening

It's about Thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..

It grew on me

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was planning to get into gardening

But I haven’t botany plants

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bogtownboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œI’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timpo777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.

He has hoes in different area codes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order. People often ask how I find the time.

I tell them β€œit’s next to the sage”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CineArma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend really likes to cosplay as gardening tools.

Often, she's a hoe.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.

"A lemon tree, my dear Watson".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I went out to my shed to find my gardening tools were flirting with other gardeners

These hoes ain't loyal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hasdog_willtravel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbour with big boobs has been gardening topless all day.

I just wish his wife would do the same.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrodobaggins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I've recently got into rock gardening

I got nothing to grow yet though.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/titaniumbottlecap
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was terrified of gardening.

But I finally decided to grow a pear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.

I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheapojoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Spaniard who's really into home gardening?

A compostador.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LineageOSLover
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been doing some gardening lately

I went to the hardware store to pick up some plants and seeds for my garden, and my thyme seeds wouldn’t scan. The manager told me I could just have them, so I guess I’ve got some free thyme on my hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steemboat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.

But then I decided to grow a pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fossil22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
🚨︎ report
x-post from r/gardening
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aereht
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
gardening

Your Italian neighbour has a goose in his garden. You give him a second one. What does he have?

Asparagus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billyargh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
There is a gardening show coming to my town

When I found out I got so excited I wet my plants

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sisterjones
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the most popular gardening magazine in the world?

Weeder’s Digest!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebakira
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a book on DIY underwater gardening?

A self kelp book

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TangerineX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I like gardening, my wife not so much

She just like hoeing around

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fka-ash9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Gardening question: Anyone know a good place to buy a fern?

Asking for a frond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend just got a job at a gardening company

I wonder if he gets any leave time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
🚨︎ report
My experience gardening

I decided to grow a garden this year. Most of the plants grew really well, but one of my herb plants struggled and eventually died so I had to throw it out. It was thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hammertime4525
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Gardening is hard...

I always soil myself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themaaannn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone should name their gardening shop "Plant Parenthood"
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowbuggy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
🚨︎ report
i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...

it's called "oopsie daisies"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewBrisco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
So we are working in the yard today and I look over at my wife and say, "You know what they say about gardening.....

weeding is fundamental."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MTBran
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I was gardening with my son...

We were digging out where the fish pond was going to be, and he went to get his sister to help because it was "fun for the HOLE family"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Saw my wife adjusting the top soil while gardening.

Me: This looks like a great detective novel.

Her: What?

You: You know. The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I'd love to get into gardening...

...now that I have more thyme on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Gardening Dad Joke

Me and the hubby were doing some gardening and I said to him "we need a wood stake" (so we could stabilize a tomato plant) and he replied "first we gotta find a wooden cow"...good thing ur cute babe :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubermarie987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Gardening with my parents...

...when I was younger, and my dad asked me to "fetch me the hoe".

Neither him nor mum were impressed when I called mum over.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DivinePrinterGod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I asked my local gardening store what I should plant in my first garden.

They gave me some sage advice.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerpeggy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Sounds like something my dad would say... (From /r/gardening imgur.com/iGcCK7H
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πŸ‘€︎ u/USMCTQ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Just gardening when my uncle asks me a question.

"What are you planting?"

"Hostas, seedums and..."

"Yeah I see them 1-2-3-4-5."

Doesn't help much when my dad dropped a "Seedum grow" joke an hour before.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbotottle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
My gardening dad on Facebook

His latest status update:

"I am so excited about the spring weather this weekend that I wet my plants!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spacemilk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
🚨︎ report

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