my wife said I had to choose between my two expensive hobbies: gardening, or audiophile
I agonized over the choice before realizing it was quite simple.
but of course, bose before hose!
So, earlier I was replanting my succulents and I offhandedly mentioned to my fiancé I'd like to do gardening shit with my sis...
He replied, "She'd be super helpful since she's a HOE."
While I was gardening a potato was watching me and criticizing my every move. He thought he was big stuff.
But I think he was just a commontater
Was in my local gardening centre looking at outdoor floor boards when the owner asked me if I wanted decking?
Luckily I got the first punch in.
I find gardening absolutely exhilarating
It's so exciting I wet my plants.
Gardening may be a gamble...
But I feel like a winner. Weed em and reap!
I can’t really think of any gardening related jokes recently
Most of them are planted in the dirt tier
Over quarantine I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
My neighbour with big boobs was gardening topless in their yard again...
I just wish his wife would come out with him
I wanted to start gardening but I have a problem
How does Pacman do the gardening?
...With a weed waka waka waka
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
I was planning to get into gardening
But I haven’t botany plants
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.
He has hoes in different area codes.
“I’ve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pear”
I never really cared for gardening, but after planting a few seeds..
Recently, I have started gardening and started to plant all my herbs in alphabetical order. People often ask how I find the time.
I tell them “it’s next to the sage”
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson".
My girlfriend really likes to cosplay as gardening tools.
I was terrified of gardening.
But I finally decided to grow a pear.
I've recently got into rock gardening
I got nothing to grow yet though.
What do you call a Spaniard who's really into home gardening?
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.
I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear
There is a gardening show coming to my town
When I found out I got so excited I wet my plants
Your Italian neighbour has a goose in his garden. You give him a second one. What does he have?
My friend just got a job at a gardening company
I wonder if he gets any leave time.
I like gardening, my wife not so much
She just like hoeing around
Gardening question: Anyone know a good place to buy a fern?
What do you call a book on DIY underwater gardening?
My experience gardening
I decided to grow a garden this year. Most of the plants grew really well, but one of my herb plants struggled and eventually died so I had to throw it out. It was thyme.
Someone should name their gardening shop "Plant Parenthood"
i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
it's called "oopsie daisies"
I was gardening with my son...
We were digging out where the fish pond was going to be, and he went to get his sister to help because it was "fun for the HOLE family"
So we are working in the yard today and I look over at my wife and say, "You know what they say about gardening.....
I'd love to get into gardening...
...now that I have more thyme on my hands.
Saw my wife adjusting the top soil while gardening.
Me: This looks like a great detective novel.
You: You know. The plot thickens.
Gardening Dad Joke
Me and the hubby were doing some gardening and I said to him "we need a wood stake" (so we could stabilize a tomato plant) and he replied "first we gotta find a wooden cow"...good thing ur cute babe :)
Gardening with my parents...
...when I was younger, and my dad asked me to "fetch me the hoe".
Neither him nor mum were impressed when I called mum over.
I asked my local gardening store what I should plant in my first garden.
They gave me some sage advice.
My neighbour with big boobs has been gardening topless all day.
I just wish his wife would do the same.