Garden pun
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︎ Apr 10 2019
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,Iβm on the fence.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, βWill you be putting that up yourself?β I replied, βNo, Iβll be putting it up in my living room.β
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︎ Sep 25 2020
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....
I put it in the back garden.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!
Heβs outside now, looking forlornβ¦
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Almost all garden gnomes have red hats
Itβs a little gnome fact
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︎ Jul 14 2020
What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I went out the garden this afternoon and got sunburnt. It was my own fault...
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden
When I saw her kill a butterfly, so to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you donβt get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "Nice try".
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︎ Sep 13 2020
My wife said her garden had flooded
Turns out there was a leek
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︎ Jun 19 2020
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I get aroused by wrapping myself in an old, mangled garden hose
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Why couldnβt Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?
Because God took away their paradise.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
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︎ Aug 14 2020
My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:
"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."
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︎ Aug 28 2020
I walked into my house after slipping and falling in my garden...
My son noticed that I had brown all over my shorts.
Son: βWhat happened, dad?β
Me: βWell, son, I appear to have soiled myself.β
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︎ Jul 11 2020
"I don't have a single weed in my garden"
They're all married with children.....
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Why was the garden wet?
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Puns are blooming all over this garden....Like a cat fight between a dandelion and tiger lily...
Oops...A Daisy
https://preview.redd.it/wxa25n2a58c51.png?width=2478&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e61299d08db7234a2776473a1ad3c254e04ee80
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
βDad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough timesβ.
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︎ Jul 07 2020
I asked a friend to help me weed my herb garden today.
He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Fellow Dads, Help me name this Garden Art
Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.
Carved Tree
I called it GandOwlF
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︎ Jul 06 2020
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I got some new Star Trek garden insecticide
It's called Leonard Neem Oil
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︎ Jul 04 2020
My friend was crying because he didn't know what to grow in his garden
I told him to grow a pear
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︎ Jul 19 2020
My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;
it's a problem called ingrown hares.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
I made a little bird hooouse, and put it in my garden...
...it's for the Spare O's.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Olive Garden kidβs cups
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︎ Jun 09 2020
I have a very well groomed garden ornament that perpetually rocks back and forth in perfect rhythm
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I reported my root garden missing to the police.
They told me theyβd see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasnβt their beet. I donβt think they carrot all!
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︎ Jul 07 2020
My wife wanted to brighten up the garden
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︎ Apr 25 2020
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.
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︎ Apr 28 2020
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
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︎ May 19 2020
My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon
I just wish his wife would do the same
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︎ Jun 04 2020
I wanted to plant every herb in my garden.
But I just don't have the thyme.
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︎ Jun 03 2020
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...
"Third thyme's a charm."
--
Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.
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︎ May 29 2020
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.
Itβs being such a pesto.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Which gardens are most talkative?
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︎ May 15 2020
I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
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︎ Mar 25 2020
The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect
Turns out the evidence was planted
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︎ May 19 2020
People ask me how I take such good care of my herb garden...
Really I have nothing but thyme
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︎ May 25 2020
Felt bad for that garden snail after he lost his shell..
Poor guy has been sluggish ever since.
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︎ May 09 2020
My wife lamented that our newly planted hostas in the garden will probably die...
I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.
That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.
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︎ May 23 2020
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Someone has been sneaking into my garden and adding top soil...
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︎ Dec 03 2019
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