I heard herb gardens grow better with classic rock in the background, so I played a Styx album on repeat.
Now I've got Too Much Thyme on My Hands.
"I need a bar built in my garden," I told my friend in the pub. "But I don't know who to ask."
"Well," he replied, "I'll do it if you pay me £400."
So I gave him £400, and he said, "Right, I'll start asking around."
My wife just complained that I've been in the garden all day tending to the herbs.
Apparently I have way too much thyme on my hands.
I thought I heard the Bee Gees singing in my herb garden...
But it was just the chives talkin'
Wife amazed that the price of the soil for her garden was 4.95/50lb bag
I told her thats dirt cheap
It just happened. I'm evolving
I was in the garden last night and to my surprise there was this huge UFO, just hovering....
So, I rushed indoors to get the worst camera I could find, to film it with.....
An english man walks in the suburbs of London, and sees a garden full of bread on towels. He asks a man in the garden about it
"We live in Great Breadtan afterall" responds the man
What did the ice cream maker use to water his garden?
This summer when I dug potatoes from my garden, they all were shaped like a letter from the alphabet...
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
My wife is furious at our next door neighbour who sunbathes topless in the garden.
Personally,I’m on the fence.
Found a way to stop my dog from barking in the front garden....
I put it in the back garden.
What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
I went out the garden this afternoon and got sunburnt. It was my own fault...
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden
When I saw her kill a butterfly, so to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said "Nice try".
My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
Why couldn’t Adam and Eve gamble in the garden of Eden?
Because God took away their paradise.
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!
I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...
My wife wanted to brighten up the garden
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
My neighbor with big boobs has been working topless in the garden all afternoon
I just wish his wife would do the same
I reported my root garden missing to the police.
They told me they’d see what would turnip. Then they told me it wasn’t their beet. I don’t think they carrot all!
I spent all day preserving the fruit of my garden. You could say it was a jam packed day.
I started a garden and the basil is refusing to grow.
The murder in the botanical garden had a very obvious suspect
Turns out the evidence was planted
What did the scarecrow say during the garden party.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
My wife lamented that our newly planted hostas in the garden will probably die...
I quickly replied, if it happens, you can say Hosta la vista, baby.
That got me a round of slow clapping from the whole family.
Ya hear about the first guy to invent garden shears?
It was cutting-hedge technology.
What cat is good at DIY and brightens up the garden?
What is brown, and runs round the garden?
I’ve started growing herbs in my garden. To help identify them i’m growing them in alphabetical order. My neighbour asked me, how you find the time. I said, easy, it’s right here next to the sage.
I went to church in the garden
The preacher said lettuce pray
With Storm Ciara rolling in I was worried about my pet bunnies out there in the garden.
But it’s fine - I’ve battened down the hutches.
Need help in the garden? Can't carry all your tools? Get a happy dog!
No one was Garden the front gate
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
I was doing some work in the garden and tripped over a rock.
Damn it, I soiled myself.
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
My dad recently lost all of the vegetables we had just pulled out of the garden.
He isn't worried though, he said they should turnip.
What Did the Vegetables say when they were kicked out of the garden ?
"it's fine then Lettuce Leaf!!! "
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
My girlfriend wanted to go to a botanical garden in the mountains
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up
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