Rig-a-toni
(Thought of this a while ago while at the gym, had a chuckle)
He's called Flex Seal.
And I gotta say, this punchline I got into really surprised me.
He was a bodybuilder
What do you call a bison that refuses a challenge...? . . . . . . Buffalo chicken.
They have huge strong pecks!
Without missing a beat I say, "About twice as big as an Halfstein." Que groans and awkward laughs and my first friend says, "You've been hanging out with your dad to much."
So I bought some polaroids
..
I don't know if this is original or not
He was Meaty Yorick!
I saw one of the employees at walmart set up his own work out bench made out of pallets and Soda Cases. He was Bench a few packs of Dr. Pepper, as I am seeing this the only thing I can think is, "Man that's Soda Pressing!"
"I don't know, ask your grandma."
Buff Wellington
I like to buff up on currant events.
And later a rhinoceros in the buff.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
She didn't talk to me the whole way home.
I need to think of a punny group chat name that works with buff or buffs (like buffalo). Something like “powerbuff girls” I’ve been thinking for days. Let’s here em!
Buff chick dip
My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.
We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".
I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.
Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.
Me: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: That's impossible!
Me: How?
Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!
He saw the Buff A
A BUFF-alo.
My grandma is 85. She suffers from Parkinson's and sleeps about 16 hours a day, but her dad joke is still sharp (as I found out earlier). While discussing my cousin's bee-keeping with my mum:
Mum: '...what? I didn't know Buff makes honey' Grandma: 'He doesn't. ...the bees do'
She proceeded to grin smugly, appreciating my mother's sigh. I proudly enjoyed the ensuing silence. Well played, grandma.
I´m not really sure if this fits here, but it´s a hilarious story.
A Year ago my Father, mother, brother and me were driving to lunch(or breakfast), when we came to an intersection. This intersection has seen alot of accidents over the years, because people don´t give a fuck and just turn in. Long story short: A guy almost crashes his van into our car. It all went really fast. My dad shouted, hit the brakes and with a screeching sound we halted. The van just drove on and was before us. My dad muttered something like: "That´s it!" and overtook the van. He stopped infron of said van and got out.(Sidenote: We are all tall in my family. my little brother is a little over 2 meters and is really buff. I´m just 2 meters tall and my dad is a little smaller than me. My mum is the smallest of the bunch with just 1,86 or so) So my dad gets out of the car and starts shouting at the guy in the van. My father is a real pacifist and hates violence of any form, so we all were really shocked. I look over to my brother and say:"We gotta hold him back he´s gonna rip that guys head off!". So we both got out and the guy starts trembling behind his steering wheel, when suddenly a giant stands infront of his car shouting and hitting and kicking the air, while 2 larger giants hold him back (barely though) and try to sooth him. My mother gets out goes over to the guys windows points him to let it down and say:"You´re lucky my sons are with us, otherwise we wouldn´t be having this conversation." She goes back to my father tells him to cool down and we all get back in the car. The guy in the van looks frozen at us and doesnt move a muscle. Remeber we are still on the street holding up the entire intersection, so cars start honking. It´s then i hear my dad laughing and saying:" You didn´t think i was gonna do anything did ya?" We didn´t spoke to him for the rest of the ride, but later at lunch(or breakfast) we all laughed about it.
TL;DR: 3 Giants teach a man not to speed.
