I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever
They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow
The 14th Dali Lama walks into a pizza shop and says...
"Make me one with everything."
edit: cant edit title for grammar :(
I told the guy at the smoothie shop that he accidentally gave me the protein smoothie instead of the normal one.
He said no, there’s no whey.
I've just been to the tyre shop
They have wheely good service
How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?
I gave my bike a new name after it came back from the bell repair shop
It has a nice ring to it.
Why did the bee get fired from the barber shop?
He could only give buzz cuts.
The Franciscan priest left the monastery to start a flower shop, but before he could open, a flock of sheep in the village got loose and trampled him to death.
Only ewes can prevent florist friars.
Went to a fish and chip shop shop that served the food on old atlas pages instead of newspaper.
A bit odd but it really put that plaice on the map.
Really giving it my awl here in the shop
I really need a thesaurus, but all the shops have sold out.
I can't describe how angry I am.
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
I was in the betting shop
and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named 'Landfill'.
Turns out it was a rubbish tip.
I went into a pet shop and asked if I could buy a goldfish, the bloke asked if I wanted an aquarium.
I said I don’t care what star sign it is
I lost my job at the weed shop
Now, I struggle with chronic joblessness.
Did you hear about the Frenchman at the hat shop who kept getting yelled at by his boss?
He got tired of being beret-ted all of the time.
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The Police believe they’re still at large.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
Did you hear about the donut shop that burned down?
It was an extra krispy kreme
I walked in the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered
"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.
"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.
What do you call a statue in the star wars shop?
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
From my 8 year old today.
I was doing gymnastics after a part-time shift at the tire change shop, my coach asked me how I learned to do back handsprings without a tumbling cylinder
I said it actually just took me a goodyear or two
I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...
I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.
Went to the shops and bought some fly spray.
Sprayed it all over me....Still can't bloody fly.
I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;
“Are these knickers satin?"
"No” she said, “They’re brand new...”
What's the name of the relative who owns a shop that specializes in vintage items made from hardwood?
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.
He only went for a gander
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me- “You gave me one too many”
Shopkeeper- “that one is a freebie”
The cheese shop next door exploded this morning.
Once I was in a yogurt shop minding my own business, when I heard a couple of women talking in an interesting accent at one of the nearby tables.
I glanced over and noticed that they were quite attractive. A little on the larger side, but that never stopped me before. So, yogurt cup in hand, I boldly approached their table.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation, and I noticed your lovely accents. Are you two ladies from Scotland by any chance?”
They immediately bristled at my question, obviously offended, and one of them snapped at me, “It’s Wales!”
“No offense intended,” I replied. “Please allow me to try again...are you two whales from Scotland?”
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says...
Can you make me one with everything?
https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleDieInside/comments/kb2m9o/most_successful_joke_ever/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Did you hear about the fight at the fish and chip shop?
Five fish got battered and a bunch of chips were a-salted.
Why did the sled dog puppy shop in the Big & Tall store?
The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow but I recommend avoiding it for the time being,
People will be lined up for blocks.
I may have been kicked out of my local watch shop for throwing the merchandise around, but I can confirm...
Time does fly when you’re having fun!
What did the werewolf order from the ice cream shop?
The vegetable shop had to close
The vegetable shop had to close down.
Why?
IT WAS FULL OF LEEKS
This pretty much sums of every applicant we’ve seen at the shop....Nah, hostess
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
I went to the shop the other day to buy 6 cans of Sprite.
It wasn't until I got home that I realized I picked 7 up
My cousin is trying to fit the most elephants, geese and bulls ever in a vintage music shop.
He's breaking all sorts of records.
There was a fight in the fish and chip shop
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