What did the middleman say when the buyer asked him to pass the money onto the seller?

I conduit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C_Giraffe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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My local cemetery is looking to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jardnose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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[Picture] Im selling a microwave on facebook and asked my dad to send me pictures of the inside of it to show a buyer.

I wasn't disappointed

https://imgur.com/gallery/gCDyE8C

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanPos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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A farmer decides to sell his home and shows a potential buyer around- "there's only 1 downside it's an old farm and all we have is an outhouse" the buyer says "oh, well thats fine- is there a lock?"

The farmer says "Sir, I've lived hear near on 60 years and all that time no one has ever tried to steal a bucket of shit"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roadtrip-ne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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We are selling my house. I told my wife that the buyers want to pump and inspect our septic tank. My wife looks at me and says,

"I guess they don't want us to leave any of our crap."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/japhillips87
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Bike for sale

Buyer: what’s the lowest you’ll go?

Dad: about 2mph, anything less and you’ll tip over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealdieseld
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Decided to sell my hearing aid

I've found the buyer so I won't be listening to any offers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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I tried to sell a bike on Craigslist the other day

Buyer: Bike still for sale?

Me: Yes it is.

Buyer: What's the lowest you'll go on it?

Me: 2mph. Anything less than that and you'll tip over.

(transcribed from r/bicycling)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WikenwIken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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A man goes to buy a horse (long)

So he finds the man who owns the horse. The owner takes him to the stable. The buyer asks to take the horse for a test ride.

 

"Okay," says the owner. "But I'm a retired church pastor. The horse will only go forward if you say, 'Praise the lord.' He will only stop moving if you say 'Hallelujah.' "

 

Feeling annoyed, the buyer says "That's fine," and he gets up on the horse. After the seller returns to the house, the buyer, mounted on the horse, whips the reins and says, "Hiyah!!" The horse doesn't move. "Yah," he said, spurring the horse. Still no movement. Feeling a little embarrassed and stupid, he complied to the owner's instruction. "Praise the Lord," he mumbled, and the horse began quickly trotting away from the stable.

 

Wow, the buyer thought, excited. I wonder how fast this horse can go. "Praise the Lord," he said, this time at normal volume. The horse sped up considerably.

 

Amazing! I must have this horse! the buyer thought.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlekuribandit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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My co-worker, a mother of two, got our office manager.

Our manager inherited some land from a lady he used to take care of. He told us a new buyer offered twice as much for half the land than his current potential buyer offered for all of it.

"The plot thickens!" my co-worker remarked. I saw it. I liked it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanman1975
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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My mum's dadjoke

My parents are currently in the process of selling their house. Mum has been tidying a lot because potential buyers have been coming through to have a look.
On a recent visit, I noticed that some wall pictures which had been hanging in the same places for years had been replaced by mirrors. I asked Mum about this:
Me: What happened to all the pictures?
Mum: I had to put them away
Me: Well what's with all the mirrors then?
Mum: I want people to be able to see themselves in this house

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blunkoet
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Fodder

In sitting with our real estate agent the other night, he mentioned "you're good fodder" for proposing us as buyers to the sellers of our (now) newly purchased home.

I responded with "I know I'm a good fodder, but don't forget about the good mudder sitting next to me!"

Wife's instant eye roll and very vocal "ughhh" was enough to compel me to leave this here...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubstylee43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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My dad was selling a vacuum cleaner on craigslist...

He was talking to someone who was interested in the vacuum cleaner. The potential buyer asked "so, does it work good?". So my dad replied with "well, my wife says it sucks".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickenman456
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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