If he turns right, the purchaser becomes purchaser rights
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ASHTHEKING5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtybirdal
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...

...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Purchasing bees

Customer: I asked for 7 bees but you’ve given me 8?

Pet shop owner: yep, that’s a freebie :)

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."

I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently purchased a set of wind chimes.

So far it’s a pretty sound investment.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superpie5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend purchased a wooden motorcycle. Wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels. I asked if they had ridden it and they said no...

Wooden start

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonRanch1989
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Me (at the numbers store): β€œCan I please purchase all of these averages?”

Clerk: β€œSure, buy all means”

Admittedly a median joke, at best.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I felt bad for eating my Jewish friend's coin shaped chocolate candy he had purchased to given his children at Hanukkah...

Pangs of gelt haunt me to this day!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, β€œBy mistake?”

I shouted, β€œOh come on! Not you too!”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The Louigiana Purchase.
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?

At a second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 597
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What would be the worst puchase of 2020?

2020 planner

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ribep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I personally witnessed Roseanne purchasing a new Tempur-Pedic mattress.

That’s one memory foam I bet wishes it could forget.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gointobeathell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Usually I pick the Royal Mail as a deliverer for my purchases

It's because they do it door-tudor

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/L24D
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.

Turns out...it was a safe purchase.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was playing Destroy All Humans

When I asked myself, β€œWhy don’t we just use our DNA to make online purchases? It’ll be a new form of Crypto’s Currency!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBatJ3w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why people aren’t purchasing my discount marionettes!

There are no strings attached!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/razorbeets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
With so much madness in the world today, I'm trying hard to Compose myself...

But I'm going to need a minuet to get a Handel on things, so please Holst on. There's no Haydn from reality, even if I can't stanza much more. I'm guessing the current madness originated in Britten - possibly during the Brahms age. Alas, I'm so Bizet writing my Chopin Liszt I will have to get Bach to you later when I'm Abel to compose my thoughts on how to overcome. GRRRRR.... I keep forgetting to purchase rainbow Schubert and must write that down. I also have to fix my microwave which Baroque earlier today when my son tried to Satie some vegetables. I do wish he would've refrained. Oh, I still have to go to the Barber as well. But, I digress... Once the madness calms down I hope y'all can Ravel in the moment. If you don't understand it, though, that's okay - it's all Grieg to me and I don't want to cause y'all any additional Strauss.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
They caught me selling knockoff paintings from the back of my Honda Odyssey, so they impounded my car.

It was really sad to see my Van Gogh.

BONUS-

I head back to the Honda dealership to purchase a truck, but instead I Tacoma Toyota.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NukeyHov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I purchased a dog from the blacksmith today...

As soon as a got him home he made a bolt for the door.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WholiganSD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them…

He asked, β€œBy mistake?”

I said, β€œOh come on! Not you too!”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I finally purchased a new tube of Fixodent Denture Adhesive Cream for my wife and me!

It was good to strengthen our bond.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Purchased a new dyson stick vacuum with my girlfriend today..

As we paid the clerk asked if we would like a large bag for it. I instantly responded with "oh. I thought these new vacuums are bagless?".

Massive sigh from my girlfriend and not even a chuckle from the attendant.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xenzor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
🚨︎ report
The guy at 7 eleven asked if I wanted 10 free packs of Tic-Tacs with my purchase, and I asked him under what condition?

Mint condition.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LadySparta729
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just purchased this shirt!
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Manny6059
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Purchased a cherry and a microphone

Bought a bing, bought a boom

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/latelobster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Purchasing Viagra is the best way to stimulate the economy
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdabby32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally decided to purchase stock in cannabis.

The company is really growing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/casimir1978
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Store clerk: β€œSo, are you sure you want to purchase this pillow?”

β€œI think I’m going to sleep on it.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akshaypbhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My store gives Spanish-speaking men 5% off every purchase.

It's a seΓ±or discount.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
When I wanted to buy a helicopter, my wife said I shouldn't make impulsive purchases.

I said, "You're right! I should take it out for a spin first."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My new fan purchase has truly blown me away
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nonixious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If You're Thinking About Making a Purchase ...

... does that make you buy-curious?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterFrontRow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
On my way in to the supermarket, a gentleman peddling coffins asked if I was interested in purchasing one. β€œA coffin?” I said.

β€œThat’s the last thing I need!”

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanaceaGold
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If I purchase something from Microsoft Store,

Am I window shopping?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bjngjie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I simply had to purchase the new hat of matted wool!

It felt great!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite brand of almonds is offering a free tank of gasoline with every purchase

Blue Diamond Fill-Ups have been a big hit

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My store is giving away a first aid bag with the purchase of 3 health items.

The health items aren’t much, but the bag is a big plus!

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An-Ex-Parrot9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
The local school board just purchased a powerful new microscope for the high school biology lab...

It's completely changed the way students look at life!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I just purchased powdered water...

I don't know what to add tho.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad why he still buys vinyl.

He said, β€œRecords are always a sound purchase.”

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the one fruit you cannot purchase by itself?

A pear.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
🚨︎ report
The Coffin Joke

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, β€œThe items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightni

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schosple-collopis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to Cole's this morning to buy cabbage, apparently its a legal requirement for me to also purchase carrots and mayonnaise when purchasing cabbage.

It's Cole's Law.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eng69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: "Hey John, people keep thinking I'm going to purchase beef for them."

John: "Buy me steak?"

Me: "Not you too."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaos_ZephyR
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been thinking of purchasing a new watch

It's a time consuming process

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TT_SirHC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
How do Australian chess pieces pay for large purchases?

They use a check, mate

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnitaRide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My sister has a dangerous shopping habit. She purchased 1000 kitchen utensils just last week.

She's always been one to take unnecessary whisks, though.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Die4Cy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the cantaloupe purchase a firearm?

Because he was a convicted melon.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/renedotmac
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A duck walks into the pharmacy to purchase chapstick

And asks the cashier to put it on his bill

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ogbluebatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Every single time my dad makes a purchase...

and it's between $15.00 - $19.99, he says, "That was a good year." Then proceeds to completely make up a fact about it.

"That'll be $18.84." "That was a good year. They invented steel wool that year."

The look on the workers face is priceless, and is always followed by, "Really?!" Then my dad laughs and says no.

πŸ‘︎ 342
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cardsfan1539
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Lettuce be thankful no one was hurt!
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueOps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A Saudi Arabian investment group just purchased Hobby Lobby.

It will now be called Wahabi Lobby.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pickles17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Little brother makes a purchase

I'm talking to my younger brother on the phone and he tells me that he used his Best Buy gift card. He debated on Beats headphones but decided on Bose. "You made a sound decision little bro".

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
🚨︎ report
I purchased what I thought was a partial pillow cover.

Turned out to be a complete sham.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Paul McCartney grew irritated that he couldn't purchase a call girl with impressionist paintings

He said, "I don't care too much for Monet. Monet can't buy me love."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socrathustra
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I made a purchase at a second-hand store that added up to $20.16

I complained to the lady that that was last year's price.

She laughed after a few moments of confusion. Was nice to see the smile on her face.

Happy Monday!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Forbidden to purchase food, Euclid's elementary algebraic solution.

Buy-no-meal theorem.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the Big Lebowski does his research before making a purchase?

doing his dude-iligence

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
A Target cashier commented on my purchase

I was buying Goat Simulator as a gag gift for a friend. The cashier looks at it and I smile uncomfortably. He says, "Don't be sheepish about buying this".

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a-username-for-me
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Some joker lost his book logging all of his chocolate-covered English toffee bar purchases.

It was a Heath ledger.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scotch-o
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my girlfriend today when she told me she purchased some needles

Girlfriend: I bought some new needles at target earlier. Me: That's cool baby. Are they good needles or are they just....sew sew.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohlawdjeezeus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my wife today while airing up a tire

Her- "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

Me- "Inflation"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
🚨︎ report
State of Purchase.

Last week my girlfriend sent me a snap of some chocolate she bought with the caption "solid purchase!"

I immediately replied with a picture of some windex with the caption "liquid purchase!"

She was not impressed.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Complexxx123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks β€œHey, what’s with the beef?”

Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,

β€œNah. The steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my wife when she purchased 2-packs of inflating needles so my son could pump up his soccer balls.

Wife: Last time I bought these, they were packaged 3 to a pack, but now they only come 2 per pack. Me: Sheesh....talk about inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EevelBob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
I purchased a wooden headboard. I asked my dad if he had ever stained anything before.

He replied with "yeah, the carpet."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okstate17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Every time my dad purchases anything...

Clerk: that will be 24.99

Dad taking out his wallet: 24.99? I just wanted dinner, not stock in the company.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Educationalvideo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
🚨︎ report
My ginger father-in-law recently purchased a KIA.

Now he has a Soul.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uniqueOddity83
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
🚨︎ report
I've just spent all my savings on the world's largest bottle of Tipp-Ex

Big mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter was very excited with her purchase of Frozen Underwear.

I had to ask "wont your butt be cold?"

6 year olds are awesome when they get frustrated at dadjokes

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2014
🚨︎ report
I bought a photo calendar for my dad this Christmas and it's really not a safe purchase for a gift..

.. It can't be returned and only comes with a one year warranty.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skaermtroldenhugo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I just purchased 3 months of satellite radio after my trial expired...

I guess you could say things are getting pretty sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sconzen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
🚨︎ report
I was helping my dad purchase and install some Steam games...

Me: All right, you're done! Click the "Finish" button.
Dad: I'm not Finnish. I'm American.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zanis15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
🚨︎ report
I was at a thrift store and the guy ahead of me was purchasing an antique urn made in Greece

He asked the cashier if she knew how much a Greek urns.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elemexe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
🚨︎ report
[OC] Hats off to this legend

This is a true story, I'm relaying it as I heard it yesterday.

Yesterday I was at the Summit Shop of Pike's Peak (14,100 feet in elevation) in Colorado. As I was standing in line to purchase a few things from their cafe, among them some of their 'famous' donuts I heard a dad and son have the conversation below:

Son: "These Donuts look weird."

Dad: "That's because they're high altitude donuts."

S: "How do you know they're high altitude donuts?"

D: "Because we're at a high altitude."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inarus06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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Philosophical Hunger

Yesterday, I purchased 2 sandwiches because I was very hungry - a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich. My dilemma was I had no idea which one I should eat first.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son11Grace
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Why was the boat captain hesitant to purchase a new hat?

He was worried about capsizing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danakinskyrocker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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On the way to purchase new countertops

Honey, I am sorry that I'm taking you for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ej1oo1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
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What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, β€œBy mistake?”

I shouted, β€œOh come on! Not you too!”

πŸ‘︎ 552
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoKyle15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My wife hated my impulse purchase of a new revolving chair. But then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

πŸ‘︎ 313
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them. He asked, β€œBy mistake?”

I said, β€œOh come on! Not you too!”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.

Eventually she came around.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I told my friend people keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them. He asked, β€œBy mistake?”

I said, β€œOh come on! Not you too?!”

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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I asked my dad why he still buys vinyl.

He said, β€œRecords are always a sound purchase.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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