Home Depot receipt done well
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggfchl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
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On my Subway Receipt
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llort-egdirb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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I folded a receipt into a row boat but got a sale boat instead.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tatanka_truck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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This statement at the bottom of your Just-Eat receipt.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CBSpyDoge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Stopped by to get gas after my trip to Germany, and when the pump asked if I wanted a receipt

The nine button wasn’t working.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BALLOONCHEF1997
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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I wonder why they tell you your cashier's religion on the receipt? imgur.com/gqAIMnr
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEwok42
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Barista to me after I payed for my coffee: Would you like a receipt?

Me: I dunno, what's your return policy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stehlen27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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(Question/advice) Subway accidentally gave me the wrong sandwich in the drive thru, how do I go about getting a refund without my receipt?

Damn! Wrong sub again!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silenoz_676
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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Cashier: Would you like your receipt today?

Me: No thanks, tomorrow’s fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoovnick7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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My CVS Receipt Was So Long, I Could Tie It Around My Waist...

It was a waist of paper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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I folded a receipt into a row boat but got a sale boat instead. β€’ r/mildlyinteresting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tatanka_truck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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Dadjoked by the Costco receipt checker

Ran into Costco to grab a take and bake pizza for dinner. As I handed my receipt (the only item was the pizza) to the guy at the door, I tried to give a lame joke and he returned the favor.

Me: don't lose count now, this is a tough one

Costco guy: well that's awfully cheesy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jonstradamus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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The cashier at Subway messed up when asking if I wanted a receipt

"Would you like a copy of your card?" "No, I'd like the original, please."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapgrasX13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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I just dad joked my dad, and I'm proud of it.

I went to the grocery store, and the change was $5.02, so on my ride home, I perfected the ultimate plan for a dad who loves dad jokes...

Me: Oh, here's the change *hands 5.00 bill*

Dad: You can set the groceries on the counter

Me: Oh by the way, do you want my two cents on the groceries?

Dad: *confused look* o...kay?

Me: *hands receipt and two pennies*

It took a minute for him to realize but everyone got a good laugh out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adventuresofzarek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I had a girl check me out yesterday!

She was hot but I didn't catch her signal until it was too late when she handed me my receipt and said "Have a nice day".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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My coworker went to Subway for lunch.

On his receipt there was an autogenerated prompt for feedback:

"Lettuce know how we did today at [enter website] . com , and we'll send you a sweet offer."

Told him that I liked how they sandwiched it in...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catch_Twenty-2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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True story

I went to return a T-Shirt to Banana Republic today. The item wasn't on my receipt so they asked me to swipe my credit card to see if they could find it in my purchase history.

Cashier: "Hmmm, that didn't work. Sir, would you mind re-swiping, I want to try your card again." Me: "It's a T-Shirt, not a cardigan" My 13 Year Old Son: πŸ™„

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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"I'd like to return this, please," I told the cashier.

"Sorry, sir. We can't do that."

"But I have the receipt here! I'm demanding my money back!" I shouted.

"You can't do that with a lottery ticket, sir," he replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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Dad joked a new dad.

I work in a hotel reception. A couple with a baby came in and walked up to my desk.

> Dad: "Do you have anywhere we could change our baby?"

> Me: "I'm sorry sir, we don't swap them out without a receipt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NejKidd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Today I pulled a dadjoke on a dad....

As I work in a restaurant, a dad and his teenage son came for to go food order. When the dad had to sign the receipt, he asked what’s the total to his son as he could not see properly. His son replied, it’s $80.65 can’t you see? Dad goes, β€œwait till you get to 46” His son being irritated, I asked, Where’s do you see yourself in two years?” Son was speechless, and I told him, β€œ I was checking if you had a 2020 vision” The dad laughed in shame.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmanish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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The charge of the last brigade was:

three hundred fifty dollars according to the receipt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Me: 1 manager: 0

I'm a college kid that works fast food part time to pay the bills. However, I managed to get two of my friends jobs there aswell, and our manager is pretty cool. So we have good times there and it's never quiet.

Anyway, I was bagging up an order, and my manager thought it would be funny to follow me and tell me exactly how to do everything; open the bag, put the box in the bag, receipt in the bag, blah blah blah and so on. Once I had handed out the order, she was like,

"Alright job, thanks to me".

I responded,

"Oh yeah you were great. They should promote you to micromanager."

Got a good laugh out of everybody, and it will be on my life's highlight reel if I have anything to say about it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boy_Wonder22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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The cashier at Whole Foods hates me

Went to WFs to buy some killer produce, specifically avocados. They sell both "organic" and "conventional" type avocados at the one near me. I decided to not overspend on four avocados so I went the conventional route. I take my poor man's avocados to the cashier to ring up and she asked "Are these organic?" I said, "no conventional, but still organic." She looked at me while handing me my receipt and said, "ooooh, that's a gooooood one. Bye bye."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1dolla2dolla
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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When ordering take out food...

This is something I do often and will get a wide variety of actions.

Cashier: Would you like a receipt sir?

Me (with a slightly weirded out and inquisitive expression): Are you sure you want me bringing this back once i'm done with it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snapsh0ts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2017
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On the weekend at Chapters

Chapters is a book store up here in Canada. A checkout line just opened so we were the first in the line. After paying, the receipt was taking a while to print. The cashier remarked "it's the first printing" to which I replied "ooh those are normally worth more!"

The cashier didn't know what to say and my wife rolled her eyes so hard it looked like she was going to have a stroke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oueleric1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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A short exchange at the liquor store

So, I'm at the counter in a liquor store, where I see that the cashier is wearing a mock Sons of Anarchy shirt that says, "Sloths of Anarchy" and has a sloth as the logo. As he's ringing me up, I'm trying to think of the perfect way to compliment his shirt. AHA! THIS WILL BE PERFECT

He hands me my receipt and I say, "Hey man, I like the shirt" falling for my trap he replies, "Oh thanks dude, do you watch the show?" My genius reply:

"Yeah I did, but it was kinda slow"

He doesn't even notice and continues to ask if I watched the whole thing. Maybe the world isn't ready for my dad jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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That poor, poor cashier…

I went grocery shopping, and picked up some shampoo and conditioner. At checkout, the cashier hands me a coupon with my receipt.

>Cashier: "Oh hey, that coupon's valid for the same shampoo you just bought."

>Me: "Cool, I guess I better hairy up and finish these, then!"

>Cashier: …

Anyway, I'm banned from that grocery store now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticsimba
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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This is a late post, about a month but I'm proud regardless.

It was Valentine's day and some buddies and I went out to grab lunch at a pizza joint called Mellow Mushroom. Appreciative of the waitress working on this day I left her two gems on the receipt to make up for it:

"Morgan, you had me at mellow," and "I have mushroom in my heart for you"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yessayason
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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I dad joked the deli clerk

#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogawie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
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Doing some maths...

While adding up some receipts, my dad asks me for a calculator.

I load up the calculator app on my phone and hand it to him.

He looks at me all puzzled. I ask, "What's up dad?"

He replies, "Why do they call it a calculator?"

I go, "Uhhhh..."

Before I could say anything else he comes back with, "It should be called a calcu-NOW."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therichhotdog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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On Getting Pizza Delivered

I deliver pizza for a living and I showed up at the door, as is my wont, with one hand holding the pizza bag and the other holding the receipt. On opening the door, I greeted the pater familia and told him the amount I was owed. He gave me the money and I handed him the receipt so I could free up my hands to pull the pizza out of the bag, saying offhandedly, "Here you go," indicating the receipt. The patriarch then looked at the menu bemusedly and remarked, "Hmm, seems a little light." It took me a little to figure out the joke was supposed to be that he thought the menu accompanying the receipt was the entire delivery.

On noticing my delayed reaction, the daughter of the house proceeded to put her hand to her face in a manner not unlike our dear Snoo at the top of this page. I've been delivering for two years now--that was easily the lamest, most Dad-like joke I have ever come across.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Was talking to a friend when she told me about an experience she had in Germany.

Whenever her boyfriend would go to buy something at a convenience store, the clerk would ask if he wanted a receipt. He would always say "Nein." My friend would respond with, "Nine? That's a lotttt of receipts. Don't you think that's a little excessive?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THUNDERRGIRTH
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
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This is our lucky day!

Today my dad and I went to a tech store, where we bought a TV. The checkout assistant gave us a receipt we had to deliver to the tech store's warehouse on the other side of the road. My dad and I walked into the warehouse and went to stand in the line. A couple of minutes later, it was our turn to get service. We gave them the receipt, and then they came out with the TV. My dad then started saying: "This is our lucky day. I can't believe how clumsy people can be. Dropping a receipt to such an expensive TV to the floor." The people in the queue gave us some weird looks. When we came out of the store my dad started laughing. I got to admit, though. I thought it was pretty funny as well.

Some times dadjokes can be funny...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/korzika
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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