I farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yuyevin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

πŸ‘︎ 242
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats similar in Everest and my wallet?

They are Mt

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmosArdnach_6152
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

Just to remind me why there's no money in there.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wallet has been hanging by a thread for over a year
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juangusta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Just farted on my wallet...

Now I got gas money

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yazan_Albo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Just farted while sitting on my wallet

Finally got some gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJack303
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You loose ya phone and ya wallet but Alicia keys still there.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/throwitintheair22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A man started beating me with a cup and stole my wallet.

I think I got mugged

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDGabriel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night.

Was a good job really, I needed some cold hard cash!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a dumb empty wallet lack?

Cents

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soviet_bean_man
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for forgetting to take out my wallet before washing my pants.

I was charged with money laundering.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abcruz7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to take my wallet out of my pants before washing them.

Money laundering is illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about my wallet..

But I lost it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle David just lost his wallet and phone and ID.

He’s just Dav now

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/qmechan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the piece of fruit that left its wallet at a George Michael concert in Zurich?

It was a Careless Swiss Pear.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toucantwist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was really pissed when I told her I spent $1,000 on a new wallet......

I told her not to worry I’ll definitely get my money out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 529
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marwoh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Left my wallet with my horses.

So I can be financially stable

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/33billings
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I drew Β£30 out of the ATM earlier. A couple of minutes later I heard the sound of 'Nessun Dorma' coming from my wallet.

"Must be those three tenners" I thought to myself

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Robber: Give me your wallet!

Dad: Sure, it’s empty anyway!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rnielsen776
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Found a wallet in the street and asked myself what would Jesus do

I turned it into wine

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alvaro_10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
After checking my wallet, I stood in front of the vending machine and confidently said to myself...

"I have what it takes."

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was angry that I spent $500 on a wallet

Told her don’t worry, I’ll get my money out of it

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do cats keep their wallets?

In their purrse

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw a jacket I really liked at the store, but forgot my wallet at home.

Its a bomber.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't supermarkets have an aisle for wallets?

Because it's volatile.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/niceGuitar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
His wallet is gonna hurts
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yamideath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
To the guy that found my empty wallet.

I don’t know how to repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Kid knocked my wallet into the dishwater...

I put in the freezer so I'd have some cold hard cash

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I just pinched this guy's wallet.

But it didn't seem in pain.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If your wallet goes through the washing machine,

It’s money laundering

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwesomeW2017
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my wallet couple days ago and had to go through security at work

The secuity woman asked "how do you spell your last name?"

So I replied Y-O-U-R-L-A-S-T-N-A-M-E.

She typed it into the system and was about to submit it when she noticed. She was so mad.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Did the laundry today and forgot my wallet in my pants pocket. Now im facing money laundering charges...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rodney54
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just farted on my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWing_16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I farted in my wallet

Now I have gas money

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystic_Frost69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just farted on my wallet....

Now i have some gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eddie7325
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a wallet in the street and asked myself what would jesus do

I turned it into wine

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alvaro_10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkAssBum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I farted in my wallet

Now I have gas money

πŸ‘︎ 821
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrockThrobhard
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I farted in my wallet

Now I have gas money

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DespacitoC
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I farted on my wallet...

Now, I have gas money

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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