Coupons Puns

Her: "Why are you reading junk mail?"

Me: "It's not, they have real news in here too."

Her: "No they don't...."

Me: "They sure do. I was just reading about a hitman who killed 3 people. He must not have liked them much, because he did it for only $1."

Her: "Nuh-uh, you're totally lying!"

Me: "Nope, looks like the hitman was named was Arty. He choked them to death apparently. "

Her: "Let me see..."

So I showed her the section I was reading:

ARTICHOKES 3 FOR $1

But I’ve always wanted to give Red Bed Redemption a shot.

So they can save some mooooolah.

Credit goes to my 9 year old daughter

Everyone wants to save a buck!

Dad: It's worth a shot.

My sister's boyfriend came across a Sketchers ad when he said 'It's a little messed up that Kim Kardashian got famous from being in a sex tape and now she's selling Sketchers to little girls'. And my father says 'Yeah that's pretty sketchy'. Brilliant.

He uses coupons.

Jew-ish

Yesterday while cleaning the kitchen and throwing out old stuff from the freezer, I put a set of coupons for Harvey's restaurant in there.

This morning I got up and they were on top of the fridge. I asked my wife if she'd removed them and she said she thought they fell in there by accident.

"No," I said, "I didn't want them to expire."

A glue 10 free coupon

Eclipse coupons.

(came up with this one this morning, pretty proud of the groans I got)

Went and got some food yesterday and happened to have a coupon for a free extra value meal, but the cashier needed a manager's code. It took like 3 or 4 minutes for her to come up. After she typed in the code she apologized, explaining that she was in the walk-in freezer.

As she walked away I raised my voice loud enough so she could hear me and said, "Thanks for doing that, you seem really cool."

She actually turned around and gave me a little scowly smile like, "that's not funny wait why am I smiling."

I went grocery shopping, and picked up some shampoo and conditioner. At checkout, the cashier hands me a coupon with my receipt.

>Cashier: "Oh hey, that coupon's valid for the same shampoo you just bought."

>Me: "Cool, I guess I better hairy up and finish these, then!"

>Cashier: …

Anyway, I'm banned from that grocery store now.

Upon seeing Macklemore's haircut : "what, did he have a coupon for 50% off?"

We've been trying to eat healthier so we got a bunch of fresh produce at the store. I put some squash in the front of the basket where the coupons were and my wife said, "Oh man, you squashed my coupons."