Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent.

Judge: You're going to jail with him.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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Girl friends and clients are like opposites.

Easy to get a girlfriend. Very difficult to put an end to it.

Difficult to get a client. Very easy to put an end to it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildluciddreaming
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today

Didn't see that one coming

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.

I pushed them over.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncumer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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Husband: Excuse me, I have to call my client quickly

My response: why did he change his name to quickly?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amylouise0185
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
New clients will flock to these guys
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstarj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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What does a receptionist at a sperm bank say as the client is leaving?

Thanks for cuming and cum again.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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A therapist was with a client when another client burst in and said, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having a nightmare that I'm stuck inside a deck of cards."

The therapist looked at him calmly and said, "I'm with another client. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Two lawyers were comparing clients.

The first one claims his client is trapped in a penny. Answering the second lawyer's confused look, he says, "My client is in a cent."

the second lawyer nods, then says, "Well. My client is a fish head steeped in hot water. You could say he's gill tea."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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As a doctor, I've lost all my clients for yelling at them for being late

It's true: I have no patients

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techKnowGeek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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A dominatrix messed up and got one client’s request with another

Oops, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffrey_1der
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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"What's the client's name?" "I couldn't tell you off the top of my head."
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I pulled this one on a client today

I was explaining something to a client and a real estate agent when I am interrupted by a Train whistle. I pause waiting for it to end.

I then continue my explanation. Only to get interrupted again for a good 15 seconds.

After it ends.

Me: Long pause.... I'm sorry I've lost my train of thought.

The agent chuckled. But I could hear everyone else rolling their eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gotelc
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
So a meeting stretched on for a bit too long, and the client said 'I wouldn't mind a light lunch'.'

So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'

Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.

I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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I'm currently attending a coding bootcamp and our current sprint is recreating a youtube client with reactJS...

The name of the page we're creating is recast.ly => Rick Astley.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glitchsbrew
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I was telling a client about hip pain but he kept interrupting me.

I would always have to pick up where I left off with "psoas I was saying".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alleycat8923
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Why did the photographer not get any clients?

Image problems.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riipa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that killed her client?

She was a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondyourlimits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Got a client at work today

I work as an auditor and was out doing a review for a cemetery. I was having him explain their costing, and he said it costs around $3 per body in the ground. I quickly replied "Well that's dirt cheap!"

His blank stare said it all.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcgnarly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the lawyer say in the mesothelioma case say in defense of his client?

He was just doing asbestos he could!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellysquidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Electrician arrested for forcing hairdressers to give their clients mohawks

victims say it was a shocking, hair-raising experience

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppoong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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I’m starting slow on my waxing/hair removal business, and we only have female clients for the time being.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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I dadjoked my client

I'm a massage therapist in a spa. While working with a client, she mentioned she plays violin, works out regularly, and runs a successful business. Then:

Client: "I also like to do a lot of gardening."

Me: "Seems like you've got your hands in quite a few pots!"

She agreed then continued about how she enjoyed gardening. She finished speaking, then after 5 minutes of silence she yells, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I just got your joke about the pots!"

Best response to a dadjoke I've ever gotten.

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/various_fabrics
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
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What did the countertop maker say to his client?

We stand behind our product

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guyinhisroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report
On the phone with a client today...

...and asked if her husband was available.

Her: "Yes, he just walked in the door."

(from the back ground) "And it really hurt!"

Me: "Oh, do y'all have kids?"

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PathToEternity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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As a lawyer, I don't mind if my clients write up their own contracts

But I NEVER let them put anything at the bottom of the page.

That's where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lanspread
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Being a female client centered restaurant without a TV, this is the chalkboard that we have up today.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aoisenshi
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
One of my clients told me this one.

What is the difference between a porcupine and a middle aged man in a Porsche?

A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peglegpegasus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
A client recently adopted a dog from this punny rescue. imgur.com/TWHrqrX
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missa_doodikins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
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My dad to a client of his

They were just chatting and she mentioned her daughter was called Paige, and he said she should marry someone called Turner.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreddieNewey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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Client says to me that he can't find his ice cube CD.

I asked if anything was damaged when it melted.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jssanga
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
My lady friend is a speech-language pathologist. Her clients delivered.

BACKGROUND: Strokes can cause communication disorders, such as aphasia. This gem happened the other day.

Her (discussing beer with client): You like darker beers? I respect them but I prefer lighter ones like Spotted Cow.

Client 1: Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Client 2: Literally

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2015
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Did you hear about the client who wanted to advertise his product only to philosophers?

It's a pretty Nietzsche audience.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Memer04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked a client yesterday

I'm a graphic designer. Client "how much field work do you have?" Me "none. I prefer doing work at my desk."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waitwutwhy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked client

My client was showing off her budding fringe tree and said "The blooms come out and then the tree leaves" I said "Where does it go?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rudderusa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny

He is in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atharvanaik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
As a doctor, I've lost all my clients for yelling at them for being late

It's true: I have no patients.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techKnowGeek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!

Judge: Stuck in a penny?

Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seems_legit_man
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Lawyer: "My client is trapped inside a penny."

Judge: "I beg your pardon?"

Lawyer: "He's in a cent."

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.

Judge: Excuse me?

Lawyer: Yes?

Judge: He’s trapped inside a penny?

Lawyer: Yes. You might say, he’s in a cent.

Judge: ... you’re both going to jail.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client

He's a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FudgieDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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Lawyer (to judge): My client is trapped inside a penny

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liftedtrucksnguns
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I asked my magic 8-ball for its thoughts on email clients.

It said "Outlook not so good."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallmidgety
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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Lawyer: My client is trapped in a penny..

Judge: What?. Lawyer: He's in a cent. judge: You're going to jail with him for that.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wampzi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
🚨︎ report

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