A dominatrix messed up and got one client’s request with another

Oops, wrong sub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffrey_1der
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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As a doctor, I've lost all my clients for yelling at them for being late

It's true: I have no patients

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techKnowGeek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!

Judge: Stuck in a penny?

Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seems_legit_man
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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"What's the client's name?" "I couldn't tell you off the top of my head."
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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I was telling a client about hip pain but he kept interrupting me.

I would always have to pick up where I left off with "psoas I was saying".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alleycat8923
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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I'm currently attending a coding bootcamp and our current sprint is recreating a youtube client with reactJS...

The name of the page we're creating is recast.ly => Rick Astley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glitchsbrew
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I pulled this one on a client today

I was explaining something to a client and a real estate agent when I am interrupted by a Train whistle. I pause waiting for it to end.

I then continue my explanation. Only to get interrupted again for a good 15 seconds.

After it ends.

Me: Long pause.... I'm sorry I've lost my train of thought.

The agent chuckled. But I could hear everyone else rolling their eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gotelc
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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Why did the photographer not get any clients?

Image problems.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riipa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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So a meeting stretched on for a bit too long, and the client said 'I wouldn't mind a light lunch'.'

So, i said, 'CFL, Incandescent or LED?'

Much groaning ensued amongst my colleagues. Client laughed a lot though.

I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy working with him.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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Electrician arrested for forcing hairdressers to give their clients mohawks

victims say it was a shocking, hair-raising experience

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppoong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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What did the lawyer say in the mesothelioma case say in defense of his client?

He was just doing asbestos he could!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellysquidd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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I’m starting slow on my waxing/hair removal business, and we only have female clients for the time being.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.

Judge: Excuse me?

Lawyer: Yes?

Judge: He’s trapped inside a penny?

Lawyer: Yes. You might say, he’s in a cent.

Judge: ... you’re both going to jail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client

He's a small medium at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FudgieDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that killed her client?

She was a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondyourlimits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Lawyer: "My client is trapped inside a penny."

Judge: "I beg your pardon?"

Lawyer: "He's in a cent."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikkobe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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What did the countertop maker say to his client?

We stand behind our product

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guyinhisroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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Got a client at work today

I work as an auditor and was out doing a review for a cemetery. I was having him explain their costing, and he said it costs around $3 per body in the ground. I quickly replied "Well that's dirt cheap!"

His blank stare said it all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcgnarly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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I asked my magic 8-ball for its thoughts on email clients.

It said "Outlook not so good."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallmidgety
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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As a lawyer, I don't mind if my clients write up their own contracts

But I NEVER let them put anything at the bottom of the page.

That's where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lanspread
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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I dadjoked my client

I'm a massage therapist in a spa. While working with a client, she mentioned she plays violin, works out regularly, and runs a successful business. Then:

Client: "I also like to do a lot of gardening."

Me: "Seems like you've got your hands in quite a few pots!"

She agreed then continued about how she enjoyed gardening. She finished speaking, then after 5 minutes of silence she yells, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I just got your joke about the pots!"

Best response to a dadjoke I've ever gotten.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/various_fabrics
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
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One of my clients told me this one.

What is the difference between a porcupine and a middle aged man in a Porsche?

A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peglegpegasus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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On the phone with a client today...

...and asked if her husband was available.

Her: "Yes, he just walked in the door."

(from the back ground) "And it really hurt!"

Me: "Oh, do y'all have kids?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PathToEternity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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Being a female client centered restaurant without a TV, this is the chalkboard that we have up today.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aoisenshi
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
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A client recently adopted a dog from this punny rescue. imgur.com/TWHrqrX
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missa_doodikins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
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Client says to me that he can't find his ice cube CD.

I asked if anything was damaged when it melted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jssanga
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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My dad to a client of his

They were just chatting and she mentioned her daughter was called Paige, and he said she should marry someone called Turner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreddieNewey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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My lady friend is a speech-language pathologist. Her clients delivered.

BACKGROUND: Strokes can cause communication disorders, such as aphasia. This gem happened the other day.

Her (discussing beer with client): You like darker beers? I respect them but I prefer lighter ones like Spotted Cow.

Client 1: Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Client 2: Literally

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2015
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Did you hear about the client who wanted to advertise his product only to philosophers?

It's a pretty Nietzsche audience.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Memer04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2014
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Dad joked client

My client was showing off her budding fringe tree and said "The blooms come out and then the tree leaves" I said "Where does it go?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rudderusa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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My coworkers talking about a client...

Coworker: "She said she was fired because she slugged someone, but it wasn't really a slug, more like a tap."

Me: "So, she snailed someone?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeSingVeryLoud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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Dad joked a client yesterday

I'm a graphic designer. Client "how much field work do you have?" Me "none. I prefer doing work at my desk."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waitwutwhy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Did this at work to a client (Ive been practicing baby is due in January, hope this still counts)

Client: this building looks horrible I wouldn't be surprised if there was asbestos everywhere Me: hey we are doing as bestas we can!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/filthcradle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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As a doctor, I've lost all my clients for yelling at them for being late

It's true: I have no patients.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techKnowGeek
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Lawyer (to judge): My client is trapped inside a penny

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/liftedtrucksnguns
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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Lawyer: My client is trapped in a penny..

Judge: What?. Lawyer: He's in a cent. judge: You're going to jail with him for that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wampzi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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