For my next trick I will disappear,

Fuck you pear you taste like shit.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titan407
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with...

πŸ‘︎ 909
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMaskedCrisis
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I'm going to show you a magic trick and make two bras out of thin air

Abracadabra

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yogeshbiebz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
my party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together....

i shit you knot!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mznalouise22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
A Spanish magician prepares the audience for his final trick...

He yells "UNO!"

The crowd falls silent in anticipation.

"DOS!"

Everyone's eyes are wide, laser focused on the preformer.

Then, the magician vanishes... without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I have a party trick

I swallow 2 pieces of string, after they've passed through my body they come out joined together. I sh*t you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuttonChopzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
What's Bruno Mars favorite vegetable trick?

24 carrot magic

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocks_D_Ririck
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching my dog a new trick

Now she can fart on my wife's pillow

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
A white-tail keeps showing up at our house doing tricks, trying to impress us to get food...

It's endeering.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks

But you can teach old people dog tricks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Phan_Tastic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

a labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The trick is working it into a conversation
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slightly_lisdexic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
What did the Spanish speaking magician say right before he performed his vanaishing trick?

"Uno, dos..."

And then POOF! He disappeared.

Without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 409
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/finestjuggler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you trick your kids into giving you more fries?

Tell them that eating too much will fry their brains.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3LTA-X
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Trick or Treat
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealjameswood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call magic tricks performed by dads?

Patrick

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
People always ask where I learned my impressive vape tricks.

I studied at Juuliard.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-wao
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthonyTheBg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
Tonight, I'm going trick-or-treating with the same costume I had from last year

All my neighbors are going to get a case of dΓ©jΓ  BOO.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WHOmagoo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call sausages trick or treating?

Halloweiners

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have nobody to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the trick or treater throw out their left twix bar?

It didn't taste right

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
For my next trick,I will disappear.

"Fuck you,pear. You taste like shit."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
And for my next trick, I will dissapear!

Fuck you pear you taste like shit

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy9kills
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A Hat Trick of Patricks

A while ago a friend was telling me how they named their bike Patrick and that their previous bike was the same color and also named Patrick. I replied "Cool. So if you get one more you'll have a Pat Trick."

(β€’_,β€’)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gravi-tea
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a book of magic tricks. It’s badly written and none of the tricks work.

I guess the magician writer didn’t use spell check.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Ladies! Destroy the patriarchy with this one simple trick!

Next time a man tells you to make him a sandwich, just say "Poof! You're a sandwich!"

Patriarchy can only be destroyed with dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogerStormzy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What a mind blowing trick!
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach2072
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
FDA releases a new warning for black licorice this trick or treat season.

"It tastes like shit"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmisson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?

Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed a mime a magic trick.

He was speechless

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartfacepooper
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the magician fail in his exam of magic tricks?

Because trick questions were asked in the exam.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you finish a magic trick involving scamp?

Tartare

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Spiderbro has a trick
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.

The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'SΓ­.' 'Ja.'

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AgamGamez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a bus driver who's a part-time magician and my most popular trick is when I slam on the breaks

People fall over for it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ninthpower
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My balding magician friend has come up with a new trick.

He vanished into thin hair.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A Spanish magician was preforming a magic trick he counted to three in Spanish uno dos and he was gone without a tres
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benjernon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite magic trick to perform is turning things to glass

Just making things clear.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angryhairpiece
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the hardest trick to do on a unicycle?

A wheelie

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ceapa-Cool
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend: Wanna tell me about your new "How to disappoint people" trick that you have been working on? Me: No
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all my candy in a hat.

And when a guy tried to take the candy from my hat I said, β€œMy hat my candy”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Allalovesmemes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?

Because they have no body to go with

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent_Ordinary
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My magician friend is really excited about his new trick, where he tries to pack himself into a small suitcase.

He can hardly contain himself.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œWhich came first, the chicken or the egg,” is such an obvious trick question

Clearly it was the rooster.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_felix_faustus
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I just did a magic trick where I made a stick of butter disappear. It wasn’t very good...

But it was butter then nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My old friend is doing bycicle tricks to cope with his depression...

He is wheelie sad

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyRyzeMain
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A magician preformed a trick where he magically splashed colors all over a blank white shirt

And after he preformed his tricked he ended by saying β€œtie-dye”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the skeleton go trick or treating?

He had no body to go with...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deffek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_memegirl_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of magic trick does a latino magician perform with his feet

TOSTADA

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Mexican was doing a magic trick.

He said uno, dos and then he disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Brock getting the hang of skateboarding tricks
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles-Monroe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I've discovered a trick which makes the punchline disappear.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a man trick a Chinese woman into giving up her bag.

It was pursasian.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesyJokesters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I could trick people into thinking I was younger by acting like my children.

Turns out I was just kidding myself.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveAlden
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog who can do magic tricks?

A Labra-cadabra-dor.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: β€œfor this trick I’m gonna disappear”

Proceeds to leave town with his mistress and doesn’t even call on your birthday for 27 years. TWENTY-SEVEN Years. Then when you have your second child he tries to reconnect with you because he regrets all the lost time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Native American say to the man who had just shown him his very first magic trick?

How

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andross3k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was taking my kids trick or treating along a dark country road, on a moonless Halloween night, when all of a sudden, a vampire swooped down from the darkness and landed right in front of us!

My daughter shrieked,"Quick dad, show him your cross!"

Without a second thought, I shouted, "YOU LEAVE US ALONE YOU BIG MEAN OLD VAMPIRE!!"

πŸ‘︎ 237
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SluttyNYDude69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My magician friend’s signature trick is to make cute kittens appear out of thin air.

His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
We knew every one of the magician's tricks, and would announce the secret to the crowd

He got so angry at us, he puled his hare out.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A Hispanic magicians walks up and says that he's going to perform a magic trick he then shouts "Uno Dos" and then disappears without a tres
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no-body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N0B0dyyy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
🚨︎ report
A Trick or Treater dressed like the Grim Reaper knocked on my door...

I asked him "Who are you meant to be?"

He said "I'm a little Death"

So I shouted "WHO ARE YOU MEANT TO BE?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SplendidPenguin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of dog can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Of_The_Ocean_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
🚨︎ report
A Mexican magician is performing his final trick...

"On the count of three, I will make myself disappear.

Uno...

Dos..."

Poof

He was gone without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parsqueezy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I went trick or treating as a skeleton once.....

I didn't have any-body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eren123danyel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend tried to trick me with a pregnancy scare.

She was just ovary acting.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jefuchs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
My son is really easy to trick.

He was born yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearjew60
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I invented a new rope trick where you can tie the rope around nothing.

It's knot a not.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife just taught the car a new trick

She got it to roll over yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Caiden_Brinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A mexican magician says he will be preforming a magic trick...

He says, "I'll be disapearing on the count of three." He counts Uno, Dos, and disapears without a Tres. (read tres with an american accent)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cruztrbl_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
And for my next trick, I will disappear

Fuck you pear, you taste like shit!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adyeardley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

a labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

a labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have nobody to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

a labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

a labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pitchstrikes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4StoryADay4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do skeletons never go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Saying
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrinkItInMan11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend: Wanna tell me about your new "How to disappoint people" trick that you have been working on? Me: No
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't skeletons go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudeinthepnw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My party trick is swallowing two pieces of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together.

I shit you knot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report

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