It’s a silly habit—tricks are for kids!
They lack the element of surprise!
But it escalated quickly
“Iraq”, I said. Then Iran.
It was a dad-joke.
- I don't know, whats the catch?
...is a real pun-ishment.
But I'm not sure if I should take the whisk.
Boomer rang
After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd
When my brother and I were little, we put out milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeers on Christmas eve, and woke up on Christmas morning to find them mostly eaten. We were delighted at proof of our nighttime visitors.
The next year our dad told us he had gotten an inside tip from the north pole: that Santa actually liked ramen and beer, not milk and cookies (as other, less well informed, dads and kids had always thought).
For years, we dutifully cooked ramen, put it on a table by the fireplace with a cold beer on the side, and woke up to the ramen and beer having been consumed in the night.
I knew my dad wasn't fond of milk or cookies, but it wasn't until later that we connected the dots and found out the deal about Santa. My dad was the one who ate the Santa food once we went to bed, and he had secretly convinced us to prepare his ideal midnight snack for as long as we believed in Santa.
They were literally born yesterday!
He’s salty
by pretending to jack off in front of him. It wasn't a good bait, or an ultra bait.
It was a master bait.
Years ago my dad got his ring finger torn off, so now all he has is a little stub.
So now when he meets new people he puts ketchup on it and puts a Chinese finger trap on. He walks up to them and puts on a flustered face. When they tell him he needs to "push together" he replies with "don't be stupid that won't work!"
He then proceeds to yank his finger out.....that's my dad.
Sabbathtoge.
One day, the cow left a fake skeleton in the field, and the farmer thought the cow got torn apart by wild beasts. Sighing as he dropped his shotgun, he said,"Great. How am I gonna have beef with you?"
They lack the element of surprise!
Totally uncoal, dude.
When my dad was in high school, he was the manager at a small grocery store. He had a bunch of pranks he would play on newcomers, but this was by far the best one. He would have new people take those 5 gallon water jugs and have them "refill" the water fountains by pouring them into the water fountain drains. While he said most didn't do it, some of the less intelligent people did. He joked about this to me once, and we die of laughter talking about it to this day.
He'll never see it.
When I was around 5 or 6 years old my dad was a police officer, and of course had a moustache. I remember one day he was in the bathroom for a little while with the door open standing by the sink, and called my sisters and I in there. As we approached the door, he sneezed this HUGE sneeze into a tissue. Pulled the tissue away, and his moustache was gone. Layed out perfectly on the tissue. We were so amazed that a sneeze could take his moustache right off of his face. We talked about it all day. Then we learned what shaving was
The trees fall for it all the time.
"Well, TOU-CAN play at this game!"
I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:
"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"
"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."
"OK what can I do for you?"
"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."
"Oh my goodness!"
"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"
"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"
"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."
"..........."
"COCKEYED!"
<click>
I'm gonna name it "Seasonal Pranking."
Dad: No, it was just a normal prank
It's not a joke, but I thought this would still apply to this sub.
When my sister was learning how to drive, one of the first times she was backing out of our drive way, we were all in the car, my dad in the back seat with me. His window was down. As she backed out of the drive way, nervous, he had his arm out the window and SMACKED the side of the car with his hand to scare her (it worked).
My mom was not amused.
So one night at around 11 PM my grandpa gets out of bed to go take a piss. He was loud while getting up and stirred my grandma. So my grandpa is in the bathroom pissing for what seems like minutes to my grandma. She gets up to go see why he's been going so long and peeks in to see my grandpa pouring water extremely slowly out of a pitcher into the toilet with a huge grin on his face haha
Dad is putting butter on my brothers bread slice. My brother doesn't want to have butter only in the center.
Brother: "Put butter on the edges"
Dad puts butter on the outside edges of the slice and hands it back to brother.
Brother is not amused.
Dad: "You told me to put butter on the edges" :-)
Bursts into room
"QUICK GET UP YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL!"
"Yeah yeah, April fools, you got me."
"Haha, damn, thought i'd be able to scare you"
I had forgotten to set my alarm last night, it was 9am and i was actually late for school. My respect for my dad at least tripled today.
...but then I realized that it's July, so I say "Awww April has already passed!"
My dad says, "Oh, I didn't even know she was sick!"
I was sitting in a local Mexican food place with my wife having a late lunch and spot my 19yo daughter in the parking lot driving in her car with my 16yo daughter in the passenger seat. They were just returning from Vidcon.
They drove in front of the restaurant not noticing my wife's parked truck. I bolted out of the door of the restaurant and ran full tilt 500 yards across the parking lot following them all while ducking and weaving around cars so as not to be spotted. They pulled into a gas station on the other side of the parking lot from the restaurant just as I was able to sneak between the pumps and slam myself against her windshield and fall to the ground as if I had been hit. Then I flopped around on the ground like a fish.
It scared my 19yo daughter so bad she actually pee'd a little and couldn't stop crying. My 16yo was laughing so hard she couldn't breath.
I'm a bad Dad.
TL;DR: Bad father scared teenage daughter so bad she pee'd then cried.
Edit: Words
