Did you hear about the Uber driver that never had a customer?

He worked 3 weeks and nothing to chauffeur it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elster000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22
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I got the sack for asking a customer if they wanted smoking or non smoking.

Cremation or funeral was the correct term.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justbeatitTTD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19
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I once had a faulty box of Corn Flakes so I called up Kellogg's customer services to see if they could help.

Unfortunately they weren't able to help me in the end as I wasn't able to find the box's cereal number.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bbew_Mot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07
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We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sir_Pluses
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What did the well driller sing to his customers when he couldn't find water for them.

Noel Noel Noel

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/timthedriller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Customer: Do you have any books on turtles?

Store owner: Hard cover?

Customer: Yes, with little heads

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tvz32
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. โ€œThatโ€™s one too many!โ€ says the customer.

The clerk replies โ€œItโ€™s a freebieโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23k
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 226
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Where is the customer never right?

At the Leftorium

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Customer: I want to return this vaccum cleaner.

Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Harrytheharami
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wormholewanderer1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied โ€˜yeh but thatโ€™s rareโ€™
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AMswag123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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How does the German baker greet his customers ?

Gluten Morgen

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A bar near me has an event once a week where a guy called Michael freely allows the customers to perform surgery on him...

It's an open Mike night.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slatersays22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?

You've made a grave mistake...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dinner_cat96
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.

But I wonโ€™t do that.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MGreenMN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Customers always ask if I take tips

But I say no since I don't like change

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Captain-Americano
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?

...by tex-mexage.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dmatlack1023
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?

Iโ€™ll Serb you shortly sir.

(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/darkkiller1234
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dumb-reply
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him โ€œFuck that.โ€

Iโ€™m doing these prostate exams my way.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 319
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WitnessChemical
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/place_of_desolation
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Customer: I have a question about the menu please.

Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 56
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2020
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What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?

Of course

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Moony-7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 73
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ht-18
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2020
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I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Excellent customer service.

I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.

I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PringyUK
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them

but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Customer: Do you have fish sticks?

Waitress: Certainly not! We don't serve any kind of animal genitalia!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ErwinFurwinPurrwin
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Customer Service imgur.com/Tn9n136
๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChuckZombie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RCubed111
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Why wasnโ€™t the customer satisfied with the Velcro they just bought?

It was a total rip-off

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gnjm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does the German baker greet his customers?

Gluten tag!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_The_Mattmatician
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?

She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrHollowed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Starbucksยฎ has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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A barber near me got arrested for selling drugs.... I've been his customer for years...

I never knew he was a barber...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_Necr1s_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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A customer ordered a foot long cold cut trio and I completely zoned out and accidentally made him a 6" meatball.

Whoops, wrong sub.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zamundan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customerโ€™s balance

He fell pretty hard too

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MingeyMackrel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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I've been a limo driver for 25 years and havenโ€™t had a single customer.

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
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TIFU by accidentally serving a customer an underwater vehicle at my local Subway...

Wait, wrong sub.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheJuxtaposedAcacia
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasnโ€™t had a single customerโ€ฆ

All that time and nothing to chauffeur itโ€ฆ

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 463
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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