Did you hear about the Uber driver that never had a customer?

He worked 3 weeks and nothing to chauffeur it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elster000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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I got the sack for asking a customer if they wanted smoking or non smoking.

Cremation or funeral was the correct term.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justbeatitTTD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I once had a faulty box of Corn Flakes so I called up Kellogg's customer services to see if they could help.

Unfortunately they weren't able to help me in the end as I wasn't able to find the box's cereal number.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bbew_Mot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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We got a new air mattress but it was too lumpy. We called customer support, very angry, demanding our money back!

They said we were blowing it out of proportion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sir_Pluses
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What did the well driller sing to his customers when he couldn't find water for them.

Noel Noel Noel

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/timthedriller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Customer: Do you have any books on turtles?

Store owner: Hard cover?

Customer: Yes, with little heads

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tvz32
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. โ€œThatโ€™s one too many!โ€ says the customer.

The clerk replies โ€œItโ€™s a freebieโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23k
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 226
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Where is the customer never right?

At the Leftorium

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Customer: I want to return this vaccum cleaner.

Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Harrytheharami
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wormholewanderer1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied โ€˜yeh but thatโ€™s rareโ€™
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AMswag123
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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How does the German baker greet his customers ?

Gluten Morgen

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A bar near me has an event once a week where a guy called Michael freely allows the customers to perform surgery on him...

It's an open Mike night.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slatersays22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?

You've made a grave mistake...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dinner_cat96
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.

But I wonโ€™t do that.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MGreenMN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Customers always ask if I take tips

But I say no since I don't like change

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Captain-Americano
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?

...by tex-mexage.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dmatlack1023
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?

Iโ€™ll Serb you shortly sir.

(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/darkkiller1234
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dumb-reply
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him โ€œFuck that.โ€

Iโ€™m doing these prostate exams my way.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 319
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WitnessChemical
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/place_of_desolation
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Customer: I have a question about the menu please.

Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 56
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2020
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What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?

Of course

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Moony-7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 73
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ht-18
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2020
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I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Excellent customer service.

I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.

I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PringyUK
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them

but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Customer: Do you have fish sticks?

Waitress: Certainly not! We don't serve any kind of animal genitalia!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ErwinFurwinPurrwin
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Customer Service imgur.com/Tn9n136
๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChuckZombie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why wasnโ€™t the customer satisfied with the Velcro they just bought?

It was a total rip-off

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gnjm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?

She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrHollowed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Starbucksยฎ has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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A barber near me got arrested for selling drugs.... I've been his customer for years...

I never knew he was a barber...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_Necr1s_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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A customer ordered a foot long cold cut trio and I completely zoned out and accidentally made him a 6" meatball.

Whoops, wrong sub.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zamundan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customerโ€™s balance

He fell pretty hard too

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MingeyMackrel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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I've been a limo driver for 25 years and havenโ€™t had a single customer.

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
TIFU by accidentally serving a customer an underwater vehicle at my local Subway...

Wait, wrong sub.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheJuxtaposedAcacia
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RCubed111
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does the German baker greet his customers?

Gluten tag!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_The_Mattmatician
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 463
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasnโ€™t had a single customerโ€ฆ

All that time and nothing to chauffeur itโ€ฆ

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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