I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
๐︎ 225
๐
︎ Aug 18 2020
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied โyeh but thatโs rareโ
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Aug 22 2020
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. โThatโs one too many!โ says the customer.
The clerk replies โItโs a freebieโ
๐︎ 23k
๐
︎ Mar 11 2020
What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jul 08 2020
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jun 16 2020
Excellent customer service.
I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.
I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jul 01 2020
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
๐︎ 56
๐
︎ May 28 2020
My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him โFuck that.โ
Iโm doing these prostate exams my way.
๐︎ 321
๐
︎ Mar 20 2020
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 15 2020
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"
๐︎ 74
๐
︎ May 05 2020
My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them
but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jun 04 2020
I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Nov 19 2019
Customer: Do you have fish sticks?
Waitress: Certainly not! We don't serve any kind of animal genitalia!
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ May 06 2020
Customer: I have a question about the menu please.
Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Nov 08 2019
Why wasnโt the customer satisfied with the Velcro they just bought?
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Apr 18 2020
๐︎ 30
๐
︎ Feb 09 2020
How does the German baker greet his customers?
๐︎ 46
๐
︎ Jan 13 2020
Starbucksยฎ has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.
Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Mar 12 2020
Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
๐︎ 65
๐
︎ Dec 31 2019
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Mar 01 2020
A customer ordered a foot long cold cut trio and I completely zoned out and accidentally made him a 6" meatball.
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Feb 10 2020
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Jul 20 2019
A barber near me got arrested for selling drugs.... I've been his customer for years...
I never knew he was a barber...
๐︎ 38
๐
︎ Jan 27 2020
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customerโs balance
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Feb 04 2020
TIFU by accidentally serving a customer an underwater vehicle at my local Subway...
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jan 29 2020
What does the German baker say to his customers when they enter his shop?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 16 2020
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.
I had to go with the Flo.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Jan 07 2020
Uber planned certain business strategy, but it drives customers away
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Nov 21 2019
My local paper published an article about a gymnast who was dropped as a customer of our local bank.
She had outstanding balance.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 30 2019
Customer: โI have a question about the menu please?โ
Waitress: โYou donโt need to know anything about the men I pleaseโ
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Nov 10 2019
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasnโt had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Oct 15 2019
Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives?
Because they offer koalaity service.
Credit where credit is do... my wife just said that out of nowhere.
I love her so much
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Oct 08 2019
I've been a limo driver for 25 years and havenโt had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...
๐︎ 6k
๐
︎ Dec 26 2017
I work at a Chick Fil A, and a customer came in with a Burger King bag, sat down, and started eating.
A pretty tasteless joke if you ask me.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Oct 27 2019
What did the dying spice merchant say to his final customer?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 31 2019
My barber across the street recently got arrested for selling drugs. I was his customer for years,
I didn't even know he was a barber!
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ May 24 2019
Customer- "Give me your dryest wine you've got" Bartender- "Sure mate coming right up"
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jun 30 2019
My local store is charging customers who dont have reusable bags
Theyre asked if i brought my own, or if i wanted a payper bag
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 23 2019
Barista1: "A customer just complained that their tea was too watery"
Barista2: "Did they leave the bag in long enough?"
Me: "Seems like they had steep consequences."
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Aug 23 2019
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Aug 18 2019
What did the bear say when he called customer service?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jun 04 2019
In a Jerusalem restaurant, a waitress asks a customer, "How's everything tasting?" And the customer answeres...
"Isreali good, thank you."
๐︎ 66
๐
︎ Jan 26 2019
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Dec 03 2017
My business keeps growing though I keep losing customers
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jun 25 2019
What did the Walmart cashier say to the screaming customer?
โItโs actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.โ
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jul 05 2019
The first time I genuinely laughed at a customerโs joke
The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said.
Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser
Me: no thatโs Aquaman
Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Jul 11 2019
How did the German baker greet his customers every morning?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jun 07 2019
Customer: "Are you able to talk?"
Me: "Yes, I learned when I was much younger"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ May 31 2019
New York Customer tells the chef that he knows the secret ingredient
The chef promptly asks who told you? Customer says, I have my sauces.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Apr 23 2019
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his customer?
Heโs a small medium at large
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jun 04 2019
What did the German baker say to his customer when he entered his shop?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ May 19 2019
What did the McDonaldโs customer say to the employee when they forgot pickles on his burger?
I donโt know how you guys can forget pickles, they are kinda a big dill.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Apr 03 2019
The first U-Haul customer was probably a stripper.
Indeed, a true mover and a shaker.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ May 31 2019
My customers have no sense of humor :(
I work part time in the produce department at a grocery store. Last night while I was at work a customer came up to me and asked, "do you have any more thyme?" So of course I replied with, "well I hope so, I'm only 19" and then laughed to myself for a while. I looked back up and she was just staring at me kind of angrily, so I told her we were all out and she left. Some people need to learn to appreciate comedy
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Jan 10 2015
I gave valuable customer feedback to an Olive Garden in exchange for a gift card
In return I received a pasta dish.
For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Feb 01 2019
My friend wondered why only the secret service visited his business and no customers...
I suggested maybe his business name should be "Kitchen Surface Installers" instead of "Counter-Fitters"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Mar 12 2019
"Have you got any kittens going cheap?" asked a customer in a pet store
"No," replied the owner, "all of our kittens go meow."
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Mar 19 2019
A customer called today looking for "organic, vegan, free-trade personal lubricant"
I've finally found a way to beat my meat cruelty free.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Dec 21 2018
How do collision repair shops meet new customers?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 24 2018
Customer was a dad.
So at the cafe that I work at, we have these punch cards, where, when you buy ten drinks, you get a free one. This customer rolls up through our drive through and this happens:
Customer: "Can I get a large white mocha with whip?"
Coworker: "Sure thing! That will be $3.95 today."
Customer: pulls out full punch card "You mean FREE ninety five?"
Oh my god.
Edit: I acedentally a word
๐︎ 3k
๐
︎ Feb 23 2014
TIFU by messing up a customer's sandwich order at Subway
๐︎ 411
๐
︎ Jan 04 2016
[At work] Me: "Hello, sir, what can I get for you?" Customer: "Give me a few seconds."
Me: "Seconds are going to cost extra."
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Jan 20 2019
Dadjoked by a customer yesterday.
I was working the counter yesterday and we had an exceptionally long line for a Wednesday. There was one customer who was taking forever to finish up the transaction. When I got to the man next in line, I Immediately apologized.
"Sorry for the wait, Sir."
"Oh, I haven't stepped on a scale in years. Has it gotten that bad?"
cue facepalm
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Nov 21 2014
If you work in a countryโs customs office, does that make you a customer?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 25 2018
In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.
"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.
I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Nov 24 2018
I actually had two customers come in yesterday and I said to them
'How can I help you ladies on this fantastic day?'
The one replied, 'This fantastically windy day?' (It was super windy out!)
I told her, 'Well, it is a Windsday!'
I got one chuckle and one groan :D
๐︎ 268
๐
︎ Mar 09 2017
Yesterday, I was bagging my customer's groceries...
When I asked, "Is it okay if I bag the box of spinach with the toothpaste?" She then asked, "Sure, does it matter?"
I then replied, "No, I'm just worried your spinach might turn into mint."
She didn't get the joke, but her husband did.
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Nov 14 2017
Why icebergs are unwanted customers?
Because of their small tips.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Aug 01 2018
Horse vets have a stable customer base.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Dec 10 2018
My boss yelled at me when I accidentally got grounds in a customerโs coffee.
He said it was grounds for punishment.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Oct 11 2018
What did the whale prostitute say to the whale customer when he thanked her for the great service?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jan 20 2019
What do waiters do when there are no customers?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jul 31 2018
The Ontario Cannabis Store reported a data breach affecting 4,500 customers
They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 08 2018
What does a grizzly say when he calls customer service ?
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Oct 21 2018
Customer asked me if this was my real job (cashier)
Told her I was a masseuse therapist
She said "Don't you mean massage therapist?"
I said "No, that's my third job"
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Nov 18 2018
What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Sep 13 2018
What does a panda say to customer service when he canโt find his order number?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 30 2018
Customer: "will my pizza be long?"
Waiter: "No, sir, it'll be round."
(Heard this one from a friend)
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Apr 11 2018
How does a sperm-bank employee great his customers?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Apr 18 2018
Why was the man at the farmer's market so awestruck after an attractive customer bought all his fruit?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 12 2018
Had a customer come in for Phillip.
They seemed upset when I said nobody by that name works at this gas station.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Apr 01 2018
I called a customer help line about some problems I was having with my computer. The guy who answered just said โjofkeโ and hung up...
The customer service was an Fโin joke
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jul 05 2018
What does a vacuum cleaner say to his brothers in the aisle when a customer takes him away ?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Aug 17 2018
A midget fortune teller who kills his customers
Is a small medium at large
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Dec 28 2017
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
๐︎ 15k
๐
︎ Sep 10 2019
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
๐︎ 458
๐
︎ May 29 2019
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasnโt had a single customerโฆ
All that time and nothing to chauffeur itโฆ
๐︎ 6k
๐
︎ Sep 14 2017
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Mar 13 2019
How does the German baker greet her customers?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Mar 29 2019
I saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
๐︎ 69
๐
︎ Jun 21 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.