I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:
Excellent customer service.
I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.
I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him “Fuck that.”
I’m doing these prostate exams my way.
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"
My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them
but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!
I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".
Customer: Do you have fish sticks?
Waitress: Certainly not! We don't serve any kind of animal genitalia!
Customer: I have a question about the menu please.
Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
Why wasn’t the customer satisfied with the Velcro they just bought?
How does the German baker greet his customers?
Starbucks® has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.
Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."
Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
A customer ordered a foot long cold cut trio and I completely zoned out and accidentally made him a 6" meatball.
I was fired from my job when I asked a customer if they wanted "smoking" or "non-smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" or "burial".
A barber near me got arrested for selling drugs.... I've been his customer for years...
I never knew he was a barber...
I got fired from my bank job because I checked a customer’s balance
TIFU by accidentally serving a customer an underwater vehicle at my local Subway...
What does the German baker say to his customers when they enter his shop?
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.
I had to go with the Flo.
Uber planned certain business strategy, but it drives customers away
My local paper published an article about a gymnast who was dropped as a customer of our local bank.
She had outstanding balance.
Customer: “I have a question about the menu please?”
Waitress: “You don’t need to know anything about the men I please”
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives?
Because they offer koalaity service.
Credit where credit is do... my wife just said that out of nowhere.
I love her so much
I've been a limo driver for 25 years and haven’t had a single customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...
I work at a Chick Fil A, and a customer came in with a Burger King bag, sat down, and started eating.
A pretty tasteless joke if you ask me.
What did the dying spice merchant say to his final customer?
My barber across the street recently got arrested for selling drugs. I was his customer for years,
I didn't even know he was a barber!
Customer- "Give me your dryest wine you've got" Bartender- "Sure mate coming right up"
My local store is charging customers who dont have reusable bags
Theyre asked if i brought my own, or if i wanted a payper bag
Barista1: "A customer just complained that their tea was too watery"
Barista2: "Did they leave the bag in long enough?"
Me: "Seems like they had steep consequences."
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
What did the bear say when he called customer service?
In a Jerusalem restaurant, a waitress asks a customer, "How's everything tasting?" And the customer answeres...
"Isreali good, thank you."
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
My business keeps growing though I keep losing customers
What did the Walmart cashier say to the screaming customer?
“It’s actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.”
The first time I genuinely laughed at a customer’s joke
The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said.
Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser
Me: no that’s Aquaman
Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh
How did the German baker greet his customers every morning?
Customer: "Are you able to talk?"
Me: "Yes, I learned when I was much younger"
New York Customer tells the chef that he knows the secret ingredient
The chef promptly asks who told you? Customer says, I have my sauces.
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his customer?
He’s a small medium at large
What did the German baker say to his customer when he entered his shop?
What did the McDonald’s customer say to the employee when they forgot pickles on his burger?
I don’t know how you guys can forget pickles, they are kinda a big dill.
The first U-Haul customer was probably a stripper.
Indeed, a true mover and a shaker.
My customers have no sense of humor :(
I work part time in the produce department at a grocery store. Last night while I was at work a customer came up to me and asked, "do you have any more thyme?" So of course I replied with, "well I hope so, I'm only 19" and then laughed to myself for a while. I looked back up and she was just staring at me kind of angrily, so I told her we were all out and she left. Some people need to learn to appreciate comedy
I gave valuable customer feedback to an Olive Garden in exchange for a gift card
In return I received a pasta dish.
For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts
My friend wondered why only the secret service visited his business and no customers...
I suggested maybe his business name should be "Kitchen Surface Installers" instead of "Counter-Fitters"
"Have you got any kittens going cheap?" asked a customer in a pet store
"No," replied the owner, "all of our kittens go meow."
A customer called today looking for "organic, vegan, free-trade personal lubricant"
I've finally found a way to beat my meat cruelty free.
How do collision repair shops meet new customers?
Customer was a dad.
So at the cafe that I work at, we have these punch cards, where, when you buy ten drinks, you get a free one. This customer rolls up through our drive through and this happens:
Customer: "Can I get a large white mocha with whip?"
Coworker: "Sure thing! That will be $3.95 today."
Customer: pulls out full punch card "You mean FREE ninety five?"
Oh my god.
Edit: I acedentally a word
TIFU by messing up a customer's sandwich order at Subway
[At work] Me: "Hello, sir, what can I get for you?" Customer: "Give me a few seconds."
Me: "Seconds are going to cost extra."
Dadjoked by a customer yesterday.
I was working the counter yesterday and we had an exceptionally long line for a Wednesday. There was one customer who was taking forever to finish up the transaction. When I got to the man next in line, I Immediately apologized.
"Sorry for the wait, Sir."
"Oh, I haven't stepped on a scale in years. Has it gotten that bad?"
cue facepalm
If you work in a country’s customs office, does that make you a customer?
In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.
"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.
I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."
I actually had two customers come in yesterday and I said to them
'How can I help you ladies on this fantastic day?'
The one replied, 'This fantastically windy day?' (It was super windy out!)
I told her, 'Well, it is a Windsday!'
I got one chuckle and one groan :D
Yesterday, I was bagging my customer's groceries...
When I asked, "Is it okay if I bag the box of spinach with the toothpaste?" She then asked, "Sure, does it matter?"
I then replied, "No, I'm just worried your spinach might turn into mint."
She didn't get the joke, but her husband did.
Why icebergs are unwanted customers?
Because of their small tips.
Horse vets have a stable customer base.
My boss yelled at me when I accidentally got grounds in a customer’s coffee.
He said it was grounds for punishment.
What did the whale prostitute say to the whale customer when he thanked her for the great service?
What do waiters do when there are no customers?
The Ontario Cannabis Store reported a data breach affecting 4,500 customers
They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.
What does a grizzly say when he calls customer service ?
Customer asked me if this was my real job (cashier)
Told her I was a masseuse therapist
She said "Don't you mean massage therapist?"
I said "No, that's my third job"
What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??
What does a panda say to customer service when he can’t find his order number?
Customer: "will my pizza be long?"
Waiter: "No, sir, it'll be round."
(Heard this one from a friend)
How does a sperm-bank employee great his customers?
Why was the man at the farmer's market so awestruck after an attractive customer bought all his fruit?
Had a customer come in for Phillip.
They seemed upset when I said nobody by that name works at this gas station.
I called a customer help line about some problems I was having with my computer. The guy who answered just said “jofke” and hung up...
The customer service was an F’in joke
What does a vacuum cleaner say to his brothers in the aisle when a customer takes him away ?
A midget fortune teller who kills his customers
Is a small medium at large
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and hasn’t had a single customer…
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it…
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
How does the German baker greet her customers?
I saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
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