Let me shoyu what I've got.
Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.
It's an open Mike night.
Lettuce wow you!
But I won’t do that.
I’ll Serb you shortly sir.
(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)
I’m doing these prostate exams my way.
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
I'm all out of thyme!
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
“It’s actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.”
Me: "Yes, I learned when I was much younger"
I don’t know how you guys can forget pickles, they are kinda a big dill.
In return I received a pasta dish.
For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts
'How can I help you ladies on this fantastic day?'
The one replied, 'This fantastically windy day?' (It was super windy out!)
I told her, 'Well, it is a Windsday!'
I got one chuckle and one groan :D
"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.
I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."
"You are whalecum"
Just bear with me
So long, suckers!
well because they're complimentary!
The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.
Me: (grabs his leek) Did you know that it's bad luck to take these on any sort of boat?
Customer: Oh really?
Me: Oh yeah, sailors hate a leeky boat.
Customer: (stares at me, completely unimpressed)
Me: That'll be $15 sir.
For the next month, every dad in my town went through my line saying "Huh, I didn't know you had a drive thru." One right after the other, it was like a dad assembly line from hell.
Somehow our system said we owed her a penny. My manager said this makes no sense but I said it actually makes one cents.
Me: "Sure you can, they just start screaming and going on about assault and litigation."
I was standing at the counter with one of my employees and we were discussing the fact that the scanner doesnt work very well.
Employee: I think its just an ethernet cable.
Me: Change it out with register 3 and I'll order a new one.
Customer: Don't bother, its an ethernet cable, so ether it works or ether it doesn't.
Groans all around.
(I apologize in advance for my poor wording, and do hope that y'all enjoy the joke. I did.)
He introduces himself, saying "My name is Crime." I thought I heard him incorrectly, so I just said "oh, cool" as I always do when I don't hear what someone says. As I finish ringing him up, I tell him that his total is blahblahblah it doesn't matter. He then looks at me and says "Crime never pays" before walking towards the exit.
Me: Would you like to try some of our spicy red Thia curried mussels?
Customer: No thanks, We've got plenty of "Muscles" right here. (While pointing at his arms)
I gave him a nice laugh/Groan
When I was a kid, we owned a family store. My dad was the only employee, and I "helped". He would wait and wait for a customer to ask him, "Do you have an eye for this sort of thing?" so that he could whip out the rubber eye he carried around in his pocket, and go,
"Yep! Right here!"
I ain't hiring you for shit!
I work at a Starbucks, and a guy came in, ordered a drink, and when I asked for his name said Vlad. I couldn't help myself and asked him if he drove an Impala. He squinted at me, then laughed, along with most of the other customers in line.