What did the soy sauce salesmen say to his customer?

Let me shoyu what I've got.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theearlofcrankcase
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29
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Customer: I want to return this vaccum cleaner.

Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Harrytheharami
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24
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A bar near me has an event once a week where a guy called Michael freely allows the customers to perform surgery on him...

It's an open Mike night.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slatersays22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22
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What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wormholewanderer1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19
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I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.

But I wonโ€™t do that.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MGreenMN
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24
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What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?

Iโ€™ll Serb you shortly sir.

(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/darkkiller1234
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03
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My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him โ€œFuck that.โ€

Iโ€™m doing these prostate exams my way.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WitnessChemical
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20
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"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28
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What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?

Of course

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Moony-7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08
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Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?

She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrHollowed
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Starbucksยฎ has announced that they are now adding a surcharge to any customer displaying Coronavirus symptoms.

Relax. It's just a "Cough Fee."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12
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In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01
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What does the German baker say to his customers when they enter his shop?

Gluten log?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Brandon__DG
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16
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What did the dying spice merchant say to his final customer?

I'm all out of thyme!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DankyyKangg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."

So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Djyocon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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What did the Walmart cashier say to the screaming customer?

โ€œItโ€™s actually not a very civil way to communicate, yelling that is. I would quite appreciate you being more respectful for us to continue our interaction, thank you. Sir.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hisairnessag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Customer: "Are you able to talk?"

Me: "Yes, I learned when I was much younger"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mullet0ver
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2019
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What did the German baker say to his customer when he entered his shop?

Gluten tag

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aaronsadlo
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What did the McDonaldโ€™s customer say to the employee when they forgot pickles on his burger?

I donโ€™t know how you guys can forget pickles, they are kinda a big dill.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Robbi1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I gave valuable customer feedback to an Olive Garden in exchange for a gift card

In return I received a pasta dish.

For the first time in my life, I actually received a Penne for my thoughts

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/muncie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I actually had two customers come in yesterday and I said to them

'How can I help you ladies on this fantastic day?'

The one replied, 'This fantastically windy day?' (It was super windy out!)

I told her, 'Well, it is a Windsday!'

I got one chuckle and one groan :D

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ADarkDraconis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
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In the supermarket, my son and I saw a cashier holding a customer's note up to the light.

"Is that counterfeit?" my son asked.

I said, "Don't be silly, son. Counters don't exercise."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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What did the whale prostitute say to the whale customer when he thanked her for the great service?

"You are whalecum"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/InjuredTanned
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??

Underlay! Underlay!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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What does a panda say to customer service when he canโ€™t find his order number?

Just bear with me

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/eprocket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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What does a vacuum cleaner say to his brothers in the aisle when a customer takes him away ?

So long, suckers!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Arklaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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Why are bar peanuts so nice to customers?

well because they're complimentary!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/95Slickrick
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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A campsite was forced to freeze its operations for a whole day when a spiteful customer paid his entire expenses in 5 cent coins.

The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thefizzynator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Tried to get a customer while I was working at the local grocery store.

Me: (grabs his leek) Did you know that it's bad luck to take these on any sort of boat?

Customer: Oh really?

Me: Oh yeah, sailors hate a leeky boat.

Customer: (stares at me, completely unimpressed)

Me: That'll be $15 sir.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Earthwire
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2015
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The store I used to work at had a customer drive into the building...

For the next month, every dad in my town went through my line saying "Huh, I didn't know you had a drive thru." One right after the other, it was like a dad assembly line from hell.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Assdolf_Shitler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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A dad replied to a comment on a /r/AskReddit thread titled "Customers of restaurants that's appeared on Gordon Ramsey's kitchen nightmares, what was the food actually like before and after the show helped the resturant?"

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4stjtt/customers_of_restaurants_thats_appeared_on_gordon/d5c5il9?context=1

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jimothy_Chives
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
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Apple is giving away U2's new album to all of its iTunes customers for free. I guess it's pro-Bono.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fosh1zzle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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A customer came into our store to make an even exchange

Somehow our system said we owed her a penny. My manager said this makes no sense but I said it actually makes one cents.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/daisy1975
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 03 2016
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My Buddy: "Yeah I don't really like the iPhone but I might go back to the Apple overlords for my next phone. You just can't beat their customer service."

Me: "Sure you can, they just start screaming and going on about assault and litigation."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2016
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A customer said this one to me at work today

I was standing at the counter with one of my employees and we were discussing the fact that the scanner doesnt work very well.

Employee: I think its just an ethernet cable.

Me: Change it out with register 3 and I'll order a new one.

Customer: Don't bother, its an ethernet cable, so ether it works or ether it doesn't.

Groans all around.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/saolson4
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
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A customer came up to my register today...

(I apologize in advance for my poor wording, and do hope that y'all enjoy the joke. I did.)

He introduces himself, saying "My name is Crime." I thought I heard him incorrectly, so I just said "oh, cool" as I always do when I don't hear what someone says. As I finish ringing him up, I tell him that his total is blahblahblah it doesn't matter. He then looks at me and says "Crime never pays" before walking towards the exit.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shiba_son_of_doge
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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Customer Dad Joked me while trying to give a sample...

Me: Would you like to try some of our spicy red Thia curried mussels?

Customer: No thanks, We've got plenty of "Muscles" right here. (While pointing at his arms)

I gave him a nice laugh/Groan

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/corbene
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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My dad reminded me of one he used to do on customers. . .

When I was a kid, we owned a family store. My dad was the only employee, and I "helped". He would wait and wait for a customer to ask him, "Do you have an eye for this sort of thing?" so that he could whip out the rubber eye he carried around in his pocket, and go,

"Yep! Right here!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CaitlinsRoses
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2014
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What did the disgruntled customer say to the bad plumber?

I ain't hiring you for shit!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Agnostalypse
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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To a customer,

I work at a Starbucks, and a guy came in, ordered a drink, and when I asked for his name said Vlad. I couldn't help myself and asked him if he drove an Impala. He squinted at me, then laughed, along with most of the other customers in line.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/josborn94
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Customer had a pheasant stuck in the grill of their truck, took it to the shop for removal...

It was an unpheasant task

Original post in link above.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fericyde
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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