Tailored to fit

Why did the tailor get fired?

Because he didn't make the cut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AliasTersus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
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I'm no tailor, but...

I think adding an "e" to the end of your suit would be pretty suite

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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My tailor really likes fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uhud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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I'm not a Tailor...

But I know what suits me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentTempestLord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...

She hems and hauls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants

β€œEuripides?” says the tailor. β€œYeah, Eumenides?” replies the man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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I went to the tailor, but his prices were so high, I told him I’m going to learn to tailor my own clothes.

He said β€œFine, suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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Why do amateur tailors need therapy?

Because they've sewn terrible things

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beeefsaalad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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My tailor kept yanking my pant leg til it dragged across the carpet.

"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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Yes, I'm a tailor who is a bit hard of hearing

SEW WHAT?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldingMonk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
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The tailor at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says β€œBut I had a 3-piece suit.”

Tailor says β€œThe vest is yet to come.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cristarain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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I'm thinking of changing my name to Tailor

It just suits me better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharkn8do
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...

or sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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How did the kidnapper guarantee that the tailor would make him a quilt?

He thread-end them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aperio43
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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I tried to be a tailor, but i just wasn't suited for it.

Eh, it was a sew-sew job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whydoesthousmell
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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A tailor walks into a clothes shop and requests a fine garb.

Unfortunately, everything they had was too small. I guess they didn’t suit him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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When asked how he's doing, my tailor has the same answer...

"Sew sew."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Why did the outlaw tailor seek sanctuary at Disneyland?

They'd let her lie low and stitch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/such_hpn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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My tailor tried to get me to start wearing soft leather jacketss

But I'm not so easily suede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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A small tailoring shop in town imgur.com/4a8xINf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slik989
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I took 15 dresses to the tailor to be altered.

He sure has his work cut out for him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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What did my lazy tailor tell me?

Suit yourself!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupperwarehero165
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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I told my tailor that I would be choosing and putting on my own clothes for my upcoming wedding

He said "suit yourself."

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What did one Greek poet say to the other when he stepped on his toga?

Euripides!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inchmahome
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
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Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?

Play-toe.

.

...or was it Sock-rates?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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A joke about a suit that doesn’t fit?

Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell β€œhey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missjayelle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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I fired my tailor the other day

He told me, "Fine! Suit yourself!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.

They are calling it Tailor Swift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
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What do you call a fast tailor?

Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wartubas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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An ancient Greek walks into a tailor with torn pants...

He puts them on the counter of the store and the tailor looks at them.

"Euripedes?" he asks.

"Yes," says the man. "Eumenides?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
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My son was on the phone to his tailor.

"My waist is 32," he told the guy.

"That's not possible," I interjected. "Because you're only 26."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I took my first course in tailoring today

It was sew-sew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oparon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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The tailor at the tuxedo shop was constantly trying to measure me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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I knew a tailor who was depressed before he went to sewing school

He seams better now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnochChell
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Why is the tailor so happy at his job?

It suits him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VikingLord17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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I asked my tailor how the alterations for my suit were going...

He said "so, so..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billdanbury
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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A few thousand years ago, a Greek man walked into the local tailor shop and handed over several tunics.

The tailor picked them up, raised an eyebrow, and asked: "Euripides?"

Sheepishly, the customer nodded and replied, "Eumenides?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuotidianQuell
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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what do you call a ghost in a tailor made suit?

bespooke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exeivot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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My tailor loves to fix my pants

Or at least sew its seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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Why see a seamstresses or tailor on Friday the 13th?

They know a lot about superstitchins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DRH7660
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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A man walks into a DIY clothing store.

The tailor says "Suit yourself"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkKing16
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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I'm going to start a tailoring business called "Seams Legit"

It's not a front

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyLaces
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2013
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In the abandoned building down the street from "Tailor Swift" I'm going to open a sketchy-looking alteration service...

called Seams Legit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
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I asked my tailor why he made my pants without a zipper.

He answered, "You're on the no-fly list."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegoGreenLantern
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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My son said he is marrying his girlfriend, who is a tailor.

Well, she does suit him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cludwig15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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What did the tailor say when he was given some bad news?

β€œThat’s a lot to take in.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizmodo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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Italian tailors are always happy to make a pair of pants for you....

....or at least sew its seams.

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πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
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Why didn't anyone want to go to the local tailor?

Because he seamed like an asshole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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So this tailor goes to the bag maker with a problem...

That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.

He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.

 

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"

 

"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.

"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."

 

"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.

The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.

Before he had a chance to respond she asked,

"What did you see on our website?"

 

"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:

For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sai1r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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The tailor told his wife he needed a new tux for their daughter's wedding...

"Suit yourself," she said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumboltQuadrant
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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What's the best name for a discreet tailor shop?

Ahem, ahem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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My friends would never use a self service tailor.

Thinking this was one of the coolest ideas I've ever heard of, I said to them, "suit yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasamson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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A Classics professor discovers he has ripped his pants and goes to a tailor to get them mended.

He begins to talk with the tailor, and it comes up that he's a Classics professor, that he has been teaching for a number of years, that he focuses primarily on the Greeks and their literature.

After a nice, long talk, the classics professor shows the pants to the tailor. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maliamer04
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2015
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The Tailor Delay

My girlfriend is having her bridesmaid dress altered, but they pushed back the finish date. The wedding is next week.

I looked at her and said, "That's cutting it close."

It hit so hard that she might be pregnant (I'm not a dad).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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That socks.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shakers95
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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I haven't had much success with jobs lately

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. I'm going to look into becoming an optometrist. We'll see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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My wife thinks this one sucks

How do you get the attention of a seamstress?

a-HEM!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotbrigadier
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Which celebrity makes their own clothes?

Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ozantac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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an old man died and was delivered to the local mortuary.....

.. and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortic

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Taylor Swift could further increase her revenue by opening an express alterations shop

and calling it Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I got a custom made suit the other day in less than an hour.

The man who made it was Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuckingFigh90
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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What was the person who made clothes as an occupation's favorite musician?

Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResidentReward
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I'm going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.

It will be called, Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
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A man was finally asked to prom

So in last hope attempt to impress his date he went to the barbers to get a haircut and there was a big haircut line, then he went to the tailors and found there was a long suit line, then he went to the florist to find a long flower line. After all of this and finally getting to prom with his date, he was very thirsty and decided to get some punch.

Error 404: No Punchline Found

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Pony Piano

A man walks into a crowded, smokey club. He sits at a empty table, next to many nicely dressed men and women. They are all facing a piano lit by a spotlight. Everyone begins to clap as a horse walks out on two legs. Wearing a tailored suit, it sat in front of the ivory keys. In a panic of anxiety it stumbled down the keys, striking random and disjointing notes. As everyone in attendance held there ears, the man stood up and yelled "That's one phoney pony."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NagasConundrum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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I came out with this on the street and she nearly pushed me under a bus.

We walked past a well-known tailor, they make fancy men's clothes and school uniforms to measure. She remarked on how she thought it must be an awful job. I saw my moment and it was glorious.

So I turned to her with barely contained glee and I said, "yeah, I'm sure it's tough but I bet it suits some people".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/absurdperson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2015
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TIL: Amazon has come out with a new service where they will deliver custom fitted shirts to your home within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they will deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours of ordering.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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I was the one who captured the invisible man.

He came walking out of his tailor's shop and I followed suit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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why was the seamstress so good at her job?

she tailored swift.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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I wanted to be a lumberjack but...

I couldn't hack it.Β  So i worked in a orange juice factory but I couldn't concentrate.Β  So i studied to become a doctor but I didn't have the patience.Β  So I become a tailor but the job never suited me.Β  So i worked inΒ a shoe shop but I couldn't fit in.Β  So i became a chef butI never had the tyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lookoutnow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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What kind of dressmaker does Taylor Swift use when in a hurry?

A swift tailor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Where does a dog go when it loses its tail?

the retail store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamsD351GN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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What do you call a person who makes clothings really fast?

Tailor Swift

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thanhjas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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"I was watching Suits earlier," said my dad.

"How did you find it?" I asked.

"Fun, very fun, "he said, "but the tailors thought I was crazy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Can anybody think of a cat/name pun?

So I'm making a game, and the main character is a cat - and I'm looking for a name for him It's quite a humerus game, so a punny name like "Pawline" Or something along those lines would be nice...

(I'm never using Pawline btw)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catsaiah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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I want to make a procedural music generator with a custom scripting language.

Think I could tailor Swift?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KelvinShadewing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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I got a new pair of pants that were too long.

I considered taking them to a tailor to get shortened, but I think doing it myself was the more earnest hemming way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodMonster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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My tailor was happy to fix my ripped shirt...

Or sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor shop with a torn pair of pants.

β€œEuripides?” Asks the tailor

β€œYeah. Eumenides?” Replies the man

πŸ‘︎ 478
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpleMonkeyFeet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.

"Euripides?" says the tailor. "Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor shop with a torn pair of pants. The tailor asks, β€œEuripides?” The man replies, β€œYes. Eumenides?”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncouth-Youth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

β€œEuripides?” asks the tailor. β€œYeah. Eumenides?” replies the man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeopolis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Where does a dog go if he loses his tail?

To the retail store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeonPeonTree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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