Why did the new employee sew one ball in the groin area of each Elmo doll?
She was told to give them all one test tickle
8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"
Me, "I dunno, what?"
Her, "The fabric of space time!"
She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.
Don’t talk to me while I’m trying to sew this small rip.
I sat down to sew and wouldntchayknow it, the machine is broken.
Guess that was my last stitch effort.
To the EM who told me not to sew up your child's leg: Suture Self
My sister was hired to sew 8 bridesmaid dresses by Saturday. . .
She seamstressed but she’ll get it done. However her skills are only sew sew.
I saw a raccoon with a sewing machine, I asked my wife "Does that raccoon know how to sew?"
She said, "That's how it seams"
What do you call a bird that sews?
Wife: "... that reminds me that I have to sew your pants when we get back"
Me: "Just let me know when you do so I can go ahead and reap them."
My friend writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.
According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worst student she's ever had.
Oops... sorry, wrong thread !
My wife has begun writing songs about her sewing machine
She wants to be a Singer-songwriter, or sew it seams.
A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
Grandma Jokes anyone? Hit me with your best dad jokes for my Grandma who loves dumb jokes and needs some laughs
I hope this type of post is allowed!
I am going to visit my grandma this Tuesday to say goodbye to her. She is 87 and very ill, she is mentally still with it but in a lot of pain. She sounds at peace, I think she is just doing her best to hang on til we can get to her.
My grandma loves stupid jokes, dad jokes, puns, all that stuff. I’d love to share some laughs with her when I say goodbye. Hit me with your favorite and dumbest dad jokes and I will share the best ones with her.
Thank you Reddit fam!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine?
He’s fully recovered now.
(Credit to Colin Mochrie)
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
This left me in stitches...
I met a pretty cool guy who fixed my ripped shirt.
What did the nun say as she sat down at the sewing machine?
This could be habit forming.
Proud dad moment
We got our daughter a craft table for her 11th Birthday this past weekend. She also got the sewing machine too.
With gratitude, she smiles and says with a wink, “That is sew cool”.
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing his own incision?
Yesterday was national sewing day..
I've got a date with a woman form the sewing machine factory.
Why are pine trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!!
I thought my girlfriend looked like she wanted to get back into sewing clothes...
At least that's the way she seamed...
I was using my sewing machine the other day and started making musical notes, then i realized....
Do you know how to make a net?
You just sew a bunch of holes together.
I shoplifted a sewing machine yesterday but I’m really regretting it.
It just doesn’t seam right.
I recently took a job writing jingles for a sewing machine company.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Why did the woman felt uncomfortable whilst sewing
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.
My friend composes songs about sewing machines
He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.
My mate composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter, sew it seams.
My friend composes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams...
My sewing instructor thinks I’m the worst student she has ever seen.
I need help with my sewing
I write songs about sewing machines !
I need help with my sewing
I write songs about sewing machines.
Everyone in my sewing class thinks I’m the worst they have ever seen.
I write songs about sewing machines...
I write songs about sewing machines.
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