I was in A&E with a bad cut. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said β€œsuture self”.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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To the EM who told me not to sew up your child's leg: Suture Self
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xX_Xineohp69_Xx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
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I want to create a kit for do-it-at-home surgery

I'll call it Suture Self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grynde7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
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What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?

Suture self!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What did the hospital tell the doctor who wanted to do his own surgery?

Suture self!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempleOfBone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
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Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?

Me: No, thanks.

Nurse: Fine. Suture self...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamSchrute25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I invented an at home kit for giving yourself stitches.

I'm calling it Suture Self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysticalTroll_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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At the surgery this bloke told me "I don't trust you to stitch my wound" "

Suture self" I said

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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What did the ER Nurse say to the belligerent, know-it-all surgeon, who came in with a large laceration?

"Well fine, then. Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsUneek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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So, you don’t trust a doctor to stitch you up?

Fine. Suture self.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.

He replied β€œOkay, suture self”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timismickis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.

"Fine," i said. "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkStar42024
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."

The second doctor responds, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruce_lees_ghost
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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My doctor says I need an operation, but I can't afford it. I asked the doctor if it was something I could do on my own.

He said, "suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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I had aspirations of being a doctor when I grew up. My dad said he would never let me operate on him.

Fine, I said, suture self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnybravoh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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You don't want me to close your wound for you?

Fine, suture self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
The other day I had a patient who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...

Suture self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/essjayhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the doctor's response when his patient refused medical care?

Suture self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crym_fest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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I'm gonna create open sores software...

...and stay on the bleeding edge of technology. But if you don't like my software, you can suture self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who refused help?

Suture self

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyocowboy91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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My wife said I needed to go to the hospital after getting a deep cut. I refused.

She told me suture self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdaddytripod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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An email exchange with my Dad after a trip to the ER...

Me to Dad: Hey Dad! How's it going? I'm waiting for stitches. This seriously happens annually. I should buy a suture kit...

Dad to me: Crazy glue works as a surgical glue for some smaller injuries, hurts less than a suture needle, but hey... suture-self.

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
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I cut my finger the other day...

I told the doctor I could do the stitches on my own. He said, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
The dishwasher at work told me this one:

What did the doctor say to the kid that didn't want stitches?

Suture self.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
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My roommate made this one up (she doesn't know how to post)

What did the doctor say to the man who refused stitches? ... "Suture self" any thoughts?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jebisjo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2012
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Last week, I witnessed a bad, single vehicle car accident...

There was a bloodied man lying on the road. As I got closer, I could see that he had cuts all over his body. I offered to help him out, but he said that he was actually a surgeon, it wasn't as bad as it looked, and he was in good enough health and spirits to do everything on his own.

I replied "Fine, suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robot_cousin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Talking about my wisdom teeth removal, dad busts this out

"A know it all patient is trying to tell the surgeon how to do everything. The surgeon throws up his hands and says 'Suture yourself!'"

(Suit yourself)

Cue eye rolling from me and my mom...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlh4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 310
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matrose9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do their own stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levine2112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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