I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt

It was a waist of time...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixnayhombray
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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I’m really into stitching food puns now! πŸ˜πŸ•β˜ΊοΈ
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/needleynat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.

I was de-pleated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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I once went to work drunk and put too many double or multiple folds in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching at the top or side.

It was replete with pleats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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What organization is best at helping people with all of their sewing and stitching projects?

The ThRed Cross.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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This left me in stitches...
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aimilah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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I told me my doctor I didn’t want her to give me stitches.

She said β€œfine, suture self.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/20ftScarf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I had myself in stitches thinking this pun up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssbeatz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...

In fact, I know she seamstressed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.

Finally he cut it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?

Suture self!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelkamote
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.

I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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My sister cross stitched this for me for Christmas.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/technologik14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?

Me: No, thanks.

Nurse: Fine. Suture self...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamSchrute25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

Suture self.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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I invented an at home kit for giving yourself stitches.

I'm calling it Suture Self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysticalTroll_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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My latest cross stitch creations
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captaindjnoodles
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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At the surgery this bloke told me "I don't trust you to stitch my wound" "

Suture self" I said

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.

He replied β€œOkay, suture self”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timismickis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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My friend always wears this jacket which has LED lights stitched onto the back.

He is such a LED-back person.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I was in A&E with a bad cut. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said β€œsuture self”.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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So, you don’t trust a doctor to stitch you up?

Fine. Suture self.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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My sewing instructor just told me that I’m the worst student she has ever seen.

Shit. Wrong thread.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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My mother is a gangster

She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Stitch N Bitch
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UNLArchitect
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."

The second doctor responds, "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruce_lees_ghost
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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The other day I had a patient who didn’t want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...

Suture self

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πŸ‘€︎ u/essjayhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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My friends dad is quite the stitch.

Talking to her dad about pumpkin cheesecake cookies

Friend: "They are here for a limited time only." Her dad: "Well yeah of course once you eat them they are gone."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Highest_Five
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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My new punny cross stitch. imgur.com/5PZKIdz
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tara6jade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lokimonoxide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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Did you here about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?

He's fully recovered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSketchiest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I need help with my sewing

oops, wrong thread...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamerjoshy67
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.

He'll leave you in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cozykinkajou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I've got a date with a woman form the sewing machine factory.

She seams nice

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated

They called it "Snitches get stitches"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherHoboBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Grandpa had me in stitches with this one.

So we're at a T-shirt shop when he looks over at the tank tops. Grandpa: Must be an awfully small tank if that's the top for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Racist_President
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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I sat down to sew and wouldntchayknow it, the machine is broken.

Guess that was my last stitch effort.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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A stitch in time

Out to lunch with a friend when he noticed a button was coming lose from his jacket.

Me: "you should learn how to sew, I've saved so much..."

Him: "so many"

Me: "yes, I do sew many clothes"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cactaur_jack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2014
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A title
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?

Suture self.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matrose9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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I was in the Surgery Dept. the other day

Someone must've said something funny because everyone was in stitches

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weebs_are_weird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Did you hear the one the Doctor told all his patients who were recovering from surgery?

They were all in stitches

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themoreidont
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.

"Fine," i said. "Suture self."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkStar42024
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do their own stitches?

Suture self.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levine2112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?

He is fully recovered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beard_on
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Everyone in my sewing class thinks I’m the worst they have ever seen.

Oops, wrong thread!

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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