What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?
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︎ May 13 2020
The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.
I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."
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︎ Mar 14 2020
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self...
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︎ Oct 31 2019
My latest cross stitch creations
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︎ May 24 2018
At the surgery this bloke told me "I don't trust you to stitch my wound" "
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︎ Nov 17 2019
I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.
He replied βOkay, suture selfβ
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︎ Mar 18 2019
So, you donβt trust a doctor to stitch you up?
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︎ Nov 16 2019
Stitch N Bitch
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︎ Jan 22 2019
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
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︎ May 24 2019
The other day I had a patient who didnβt want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...
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︎ Jan 30 2019
My friends dad is quite the stitch.
Talking to her dad about pumpkin cheesecake cookies
Friend: "They are here for a limited time only."
Her dad: "Well yeah of course once you eat them they are gone."
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︎ Dec 07 2013
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︎ Apr 24 2015
A stitch in time
Out to lunch with a friend when he noticed a button was coming lose from his jacket.
Me: "you should learn how to sew, I've saved so much..."
Him: "so many"
Me: "yes, I do sew many clothes"
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︎ Nov 16 2014
This card had me in stitches.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
This left me in stitches...
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Todayβs Argyle Sweater had meβ¦ in stitches.
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt
It was a waist of time...
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I told me my doctor I didnβt want her to give me stitches.
She said βfine, suture self.β
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︎ Dec 15 2020
My friend writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.
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︎ Mar 23 2021
I had myself in stitches thinking this pun up
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Embroidery / Needlework Puns
Does anyone know any Embroidery puns or puns relating to stitching, needle, thread, hoops.?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Iβm really into stitching food puns now! ππβΊοΈ
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︎ Jun 27 2020
True Story: tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said βmummy, youβve peeβd on the floorβ
Needless to say I was in stitches.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...
In fact, I know she seamstressed
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︎ Jan 03 2021
My sister cross stitched this for me for Christmas.
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︎ Oct 16 2019
What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?
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︎ Jun 13 2019
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I invented an at home kit for giving yourself stitches.
I'm calling it Suture Self.
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︎ Dec 20 2019
My friend always wears this jacket which has LED lights stitched onto the back.
He is such a LED-back person.
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I was in A&E with a bad cut. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said βsuture selfβ.
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︎ Sep 05 2019
My sewing instructor just told me that Iβm the worst student she has ever seen.
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︎ Jan 02 2020
My mother is a gangster
She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I once went to work drunk and put too many double or multiple folds in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching at the top or side.
It was replete with pleats.
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︎ Jan 22 2019
What organization is best at helping people with all of their sewing and stitching projects?
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︎ Sep 22 2018
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Did you here about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
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︎ Jun 04 2020
I need help with my sewing
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︎ Aug 23 2019
I've got a date with a woman form the sewing machine factory.
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︎ Oct 24 2019
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.
He'll leave you in stitches.
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︎ May 30 2020
Grandpa had me in stitches with this one.
So we're at a T-shirt shop when he looks over at the tank tops.
Grandpa: Must be an awfully small tank if that's the top for it.
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︎ Dec 17 2013
I sat down to sew and wouldntchayknow it, the machine is broken.
Guess that was my last stitch effort.
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︎ Nov 10 2019
A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated
They called it "Snitches get stitches"
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︎ May 18 2020
I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.
"Fine," i said. "Suture self."
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︎ Aug 06 2019
What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do their own stitches?
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︎ Dec 29 2018
I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.
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︎ Jan 22 2019
Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?
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︎ Feb 10 2020
Everyone in my sewing class thinks Iβm the worst they have ever seen.
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︎ Sep 03 2019
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