What do you say when someone wants to stitch their own wound?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 13 2020
The other day I walked into my son's room and found him with an open first aid kit, preparing to stitch up a cut on his forearm.
I told him to stop and that I would take him to the doctor for a more rofessional job. He told me he wanted to do it as he was working on his first aid merit badge for the boy scouts. So I said, "Suture self."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 14 2020
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.
Nurse: Fine. Suture self...
π︎ 94
π
︎ Oct 31 2019
My latest cross stitch creations
π︎ 829
π
︎ May 24 2018
At the surgery this bloke told me "I don't trust you to stitch my wound" "
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 17 2019
I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.
He replied βOkay, suture selfβ
π︎ 95
π
︎ Mar 18 2019
Stitch N Bitch
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 22 2019
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 24 2019
The other day I had a patient who didnβt want to let me stitch up his laceration. Well fine...
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
My friends dad is quite the stitch.
Talking to her dad about pumpkin cheesecake cookies
Friend: "They are here for a limited time only."
Her dad: "Well yeah of course once you eat them they are gone."
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 07 2013
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 24 2015
A stitch in time
Out to lunch with a friend when he noticed a button was coming lose from his jacket.
Me: "you should learn how to sew, I've saved so much..."
Him: "so many"
Me: "yes, I do sew many clothes"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 16 2014
This left me in stitches...
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt
It was a waist of time...
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I told me my doctor I didnβt want her to give me stitches.
She said βfine, suture self.β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
I had myself in stitches thinking this pun up
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
Iβm really into stitching food puns now! ππβΊοΈ
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...
In fact, I know she seamstressed
π︎ 183
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My urologist and I kept joking around during my last visit.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
My sister cross stitched this for me for Christmas.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?
π︎ 277
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
I invented an at home kit for giving yourself stitches.
I'm calling it Suture Self.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
My friend always wears this jacket which has LED lights stitched onto the back.
He is such a LED-back person.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
I was in A&E with a bad cut. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said βsuture selfβ.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Sep 05 2019
My sewing instructor just told me that Iβm the worst student she has ever seen.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
My mother is a gangster
She doesn't say "I'm going to mend your trousers", she says "britches get stitches".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
I once went to work drunk and put too many double or multiple folds in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching at the top or side.
It was replete with pleats.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 22 2019
What organization is best at helping people with all of their sewing and stitching projects?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 22 2018
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
Did you here about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I need help with my sewing
π︎ 44
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.
He'll leave you in stitches.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 30 2020
Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.
You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
I've got a date with a woman form the sewing machine factory.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated
They called it "Snitches get stitches"
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 18 2020
I sat down to sew and wouldntchayknow it, the machine is broken.
Guess that was my last stitch effort.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
A chef cut himself and went to the emergency room...
The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.
"Fine then. Suture self."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
DdI you hear about the worldβs funniest doctor?
He leaves his patients in stitches
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
Grandpa had me in stitches with this one.
So we're at a T-shirt shop when he looks over at the tank tops.
Grandpa: Must be an awfully small tank if that's the top for it.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 17 2013
A title
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2019
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
π︎ 314
π
︎ Nov 27 2018
Why did the outlaw tailor seek sanctuary at Disneyland?
They'd let her lie low and stitch.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 22 2019
I was in the Surgery Dept. the other day
Someone must've said something funny because everyone was in stitches
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
I was about to stitch up her wound but she insisted she do it herself.
"Fine," i said. "Suture self."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do their own stitches?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
I got fired from my job of making a double or multiple fold in a garment or other item made of cloth, held by stitching the top or side.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 22 2019
Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
Everyone in my sewing class thinks Iβm the worst they have ever seen.
π︎ 164
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
