A Volley of Knitting Puns

My wife was teaching her best friend how to knit. She was doing quite well but for some extra encouragement I said:

"The basics are simple enough. It's when you get into the knitty gritty that things start to unravel.

Wife and friend shake their heads, so I say "Sorry, I didn't mean for my purls of wisdom to needle you."

More groans...

"Still," I said, "at least I kept it short and sweet. I mean, I could've spun you a proper yarn."

Wife to friend: "Right, pass me that soddin' knitting needle...!"

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📅︎ Feb 05 2016
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Have you heard about the guy going around different towns and jabbing people with knitting needles?

Police believe he is following some sort of pattern

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📅︎ May 19 2021
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Got an idea for a movie about an old lady who's into poker and knitting...

Gonna call it Scarf-Ace

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📅︎ Apr 05 2021
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Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.

Police say he may be following a pattern.

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👤︎ u/pdarigan
📅︎ Jan 22 2021
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I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin

Sorry wrong thread

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📅︎ Oct 04 2020
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There's a nutcase going around our town stabbing people with knitting needles.

Twelve individuals have been attacked in the last 48 hours.

The Police have announced that the attacker could be following some kind of pattern

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
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I suspect my friend has an unhealthy addiction to knitting quilts.

I have seen all the patterns.

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📅︎ Jul 13 2020
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People say crochet is like knitting,

but it's knot.

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📅︎ Aug 16 2019
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Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles... Ho Ho Ho!

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👤︎ u/danuser8
📅︎ Dec 23 2019
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I've just started knitting for the Mafia

They call me Scarf Ace

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📅︎ Dec 21 2018
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Woman driving along the road while knitting. Cop rolls down his window and shouts "Pullover maam"!

Woman shouts back, "no actually, its a scarf."

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👤︎ u/eltegs
📅︎ Nov 18 2017
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What's the appeal of round-tipped knitting needles?

They seem pointless.

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👤︎ u/nemo_sum
📅︎ Nov 01 2017
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The mother of my children just finished knitting a scarf

She wrapped it around her neck, and got her mouth and nose covered as well:

Me: Hey, you look like a wooligan!

She: ... (glaring..) and you look awfully proud of yourself.

Indeed I was.

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👤︎ u/h4milt0n
📅︎ Jan 17 2015
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Dadjoked my friend while knitting.

I was about a fourth of the way through knitting a scarf, and I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, I'll never finish this by Wednesday...unless....I PULL AN ALL-KNITTER!" She was very disappointed, and I felt ready for fatherhood.

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👤︎ u/Idoliftbro
📅︎ Dec 15 2013
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The problem with knitting class

...is that I've heard once you've tried it, you're hooked.

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👤︎ u/Raxsil
📅︎ Sep 23 2014
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