A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceasedβs wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit heβs already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says βI donβt care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.β The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, βwhatever this costs Iβm very satisfied, you did an excellent job and Iβm incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?β To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says βthereβs no charge.β Shocked she replies βno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.β βHonestly maβamβ, the mortician says, βit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.β
Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?
From what I heard theyβre a bit tacky.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 15 2020
What does a suit like to have for lunch?
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Honey where's my super suit
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 13 2020
How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 09 2020
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Why did Magneto stop wearing his purple suit?
Because the days of fuchsia past
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
Itβs called Tailor Swift.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.
They have to fit the Bill.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive
Must have cost him an arm and a leg
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 07 2020
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Why did J. S. Bach always wear really skimpy bathing suits?
He loved to feel the air on the G string.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.
I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I said to my wife βI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tightβ
She said βthen wear your own one thenβ
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︎ Jun 28 2020
What do you call a wolf that models suits?
π︎ 34
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︎ Jul 07 2020
What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 11 2020
A joke about a suit that doesnβt fit?
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as Iβve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I donβt remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didnβt fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but heβd always make this really theatrical voice and yell βhey! what did you do to my new suit?!β
If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
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︎ Jun 11 2020
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?
π︎ 7
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︎ May 26 2020
Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Whatβs Ironman without his suit?
π︎ 37
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︎ Jan 30 2020
What do you call a paralyzed zoo keeper's bathing suit?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Did you know Darth Vader had to pay for his suit?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
π︎ 38
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︎ Jan 21 2020
Grammar has never been my strong suit
π︎ 43
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︎ Oct 28 2019
My brother always has hard candy inside a pocket of his 3-piece suit
He calls them βin vest mintsβ.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 11 2020
What is Iron Man without his suit?
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 09 2020
What type of suits do lawyers wear?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 12 2020
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says βBut I had a 3-piece suit.β
Tailor says βThe vest is yet to come.β
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︎ Sep 09 2019
Jake, Alex, and Matt are preparing for a wedding. Jake tells Alex, βI tried on a new suit today.β Alex responds, βHas Matt?β
Jake says, βNo, just a regular suit.β
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I'm annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour.
π︎ 104
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︎ Oct 25 2019
What do you call a weed dealer in a suit?
π︎ 16
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︎ Feb 16 2020
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 22 2020
My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 24 2019
Is a judge's gown a law suit?
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 30 2019
My neighbors just got sent a suit of armour but they weren't home when it arrived.
I told the delivery driver that they must have gone out for the Knight.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
I really need to buy a suit
I just canβt find one that suits me
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 23 2019
What's Ironman without the suit? Stark Naked.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Sep 09 2018
space suits are the pinnacle of haut couture
they're like 400++ miles up, which is the highest of high fashion.
mountain climbing gear is a distant second
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︎ Dec 16 2019
What do you call IronMan when he wears the AntMan suit?
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 21 2019
The jacket fought the pants over who was more important to the suit...
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︎ Sep 11 2019
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors.
But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
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︎ Sep 26 2019
A very elderly gentleman, mid ninety's, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail loungeβ¦
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
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︎ Oct 05 2019
16 atoms of sodium and a man in a black suit walk into a bar
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, Batman
π︎ 50
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︎ Apr 28 2019
Whatβs Ironman without his suit?
π︎ 68
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︎ Mar 12 2019
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