Suit And Tie Puns

“Sir”

A Brummie was made redundant after working for the same company for 45 years. He quickly gets an interview with one of his ex companies rivals. His friends advise him that he should wear a suit and tie to the interview to try and make a good impression, unfortunately the interview is the same day and his only suit he has is the one he wore to his original interview in 1975.

He quickly gets dressed in his brown suit, complete with flares, wide lapels and a kipper tie.

He made quite the impression on his entrance and when the interviewer invited him into his office, he said "nice kipper tie" to which he replied " milk and 2 sugars please"

I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."

tl;dr

Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly

I then changed into a suit and tie and came in and said "so, tell me why you're here today..."

Homeschool is tough work....

I looked around but didn't see anyone, then suddenly heard, “Beautiful suit!”

Wondering what was going on, I saw the bartender, walked up to him and asked, “I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie and that they looked cool, but no one’s around. Dude, what’s up?!”

The bartender smiled, “Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, “I no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, “Let’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, “Little Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, “No way José! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

A family friend had passed away and my Dad and I were at the wake.

Dad: Let me know if you need to borrow a shirt, a tie, or a suit for the funeral on Friday.

Me: Eh, no that's OK, thank you though, I have a few of my own.

Dad: Alright, well then...suit yourself.

Everyone standing around laughed and the mood was immediately lightened.
Way to go Pops.

I asked the waiter what was on a dressed baked potato and my dad chimed in with "a suit and tie". The waiter and I lost it while the rest of my family stared.