A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."
I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year
I'm now dealing with emotional baggage
What do you call a pregnant person in a suit of armour?
What do you call a chair in a suit?
Why do Russian airline pilots wear wet suits when they fly?
Because zey be flying in the Jetski's.
When I came to the cruise party with an eyepatch on and a cutlass only to see everyone in suits and ties,
I realized I was dressed inappropirately
What is the Latin word for "one-piece bathing suit"?
The composer whom best suits this pandemic is...
Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?
From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.
Honey where's my super suit
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What does a suit like to have for lunch?
I've put on so much weight during Lockdown that my Sumo suit no longer fits me.
On the plus side, I no longer need a Sumo suit.
How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?
Why did Magneto stop wearing his purple suit?
Because the days of fuchsia past
Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive
Must have cost him an arm and a leg
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.
They have to fit the Bill.
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
Why did J. S. Bach always wear really skimpy bathing suits?
He loved to feel the air on the G string.
I said to my wife “I hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tight”
She said “then wear your own one then”
Boy. I bet Anakin Skywalker must have paid a lot of money for his suit.
I think It may have cost him a couple arms and a couple legs.
What do you call a wolf that models suits?
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop coughing when he went to try his new suit?
A joke about a suit that doesn’t fit?
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell “hey! what did you do to my new suit?!”
If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
What do you call a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swim-suit?
Who gets jazzed up to dry off people in suits of armor after dark?
What’s Ironman without his suit?
What do you call a paralyzed zoo keeper's bathing suit?
Grammar has never been my strong suit
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
My brother always has hard candy inside a pocket of his 3-piece suit
He calls them “in vest mints”.
Jake, Alex, and Matt are preparing for a wedding. Jake tells Alex, “I tried on a new suit today.” Alex responds, “Has Matt?”
Jake says, “No, just a regular suit.”
Is a judge's gown a law suit?
What do you call a weed dealer in a suit?
What type of suits do lawyers wear?
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?
My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
I really need to buy a suit
I just can’t find one that suits me
Did you know Darth Vader had to pay for his suit?
It cost him an arm and a leg.
I'm annoyed because I had to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armour.
What is Iron Man without his suit?
What's Ironman without the suit? Stark Naked.
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