There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?

There's also leap-frogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...

It'd make cents off so many levels.

/edit:rephrased punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Which reindeer needs an attitude adjustment?

RUDEolf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squeezer999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
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A new father goes to a club that helps adjust to fatherhood

Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?

Dad: Can I tell other people about this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dylans2090
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
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How do I determine the cost of a balloon after adjusting for inflation?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fawkes_1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Thought I heard someone say β€œHello” in Arabic

But it was a false Salaam.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plumsby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.

I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Finally adjusted my clocks for dalylight savings

No time like the present!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Bob Dylan came to my house the day after Daylight Savings and adjusted all of my clocks.

He said the times they were a-changin’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Tinder is finally adjusting to the quarantine.

They've started offering curbside pickup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I didn't always want to be a contortionist,

but when I adjusted the bunny ears, it became clear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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I recently adjusted the angle of the mirror in my bathroom

It has given me a new perspective

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martb03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad

Me: it was an adjustment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparxican
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why do pirates live the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisTheEnchanted
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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If you’re trying to get your point across about something, try adjusting the decibel level of your voice up and down while talking.

It will speak volumes to people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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1.99, but 6.99 when adjusted for inflation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Plus_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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Studies show regular patients of chiropractors are less likely to need to see therapists due to being so well adjusted
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ace_dreacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
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I got a new adjustable standing desk

It’s brought my gaming to new heights

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πŸ‘€︎ u/traun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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What does Nostradamus do when he has a vision of a happy, well-adjusted gentleman living far in the future?

Foresees a jolly good fellow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoyagerCSL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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My wife can't function unless she visits the chiropractor...

I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FluffyBearHugs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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As we were pulling out of our driveway and I was adjusting the mirrors, I said to my wife, "It's important to remember, there's side view, rear view and you know what else?"

"I loview!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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Saw my wife adjusting the top soil while gardening.

Me: This looks like a great detective novel.

Her: What?

You: You know. The plot thickens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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Due to covid my chiropractor sent most of his staff home.

His office is run by a skeleton crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASPYDERMONKEE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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If you adjust your posture...

....do you stand corrected?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thiswonisloaded
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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Co-worker was talking about getting her atlas adjusted at the chiropractor

I told her that when my atlas hurts, I just shrug it off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
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I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is.

I stand corrected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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My first-time pregnant wife asks "why does it take so long for me to warm up?"

Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."

I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBoBReaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Football legend Gary Lineker must be a dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/treapor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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What do you give a sulky teenager that didn't go North enough?

A latitude adjustment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nothingman_000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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What did the skeptical man say when the chiropractor fixed his broken back?

"I stand corrected."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newkyd
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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God creating dads

[God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes I think I’m done. Dads:Hi Done, we’re Dads! God: Dads: God: Creates adjustable thermostat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/endercrusadr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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I used to be in a band called 1023mb

we couldn't make it to a gig anywhere

*edit * slightly adjusting wording thanks to input from fellow dads <3

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2017
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Hiring a clown is more expensive than ever.

Balloon prices are adjusted for inflation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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These fish puns will make you drown in laughter

What are fish that star in movies called?

Starfish

How do you tuna fish?

Adjust their scales

What do you tell a fish when its overreacting?

You need to clam down

That's enough fish puns for today

We should scale back

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TstoDmk615
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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An older man took his wife to the hospital, fearing a heart attack

The man waits for a while and the doctor comes out to tell his findings. The doctor says, "Your wife did not have a heart attack. She just has acute angina."

Adjusting his hearing aid, the husband says, "Listen here young man, don't go talking about my wife's privates like that! I know she's cute down there!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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It's cold in the office

Let me adjust my thermos tat..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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Just took a long flight. The pilot was rude and sarcastic the entire time.

He really needed an attitude adjustment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainlavender
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2016
🚨︎ report
24 Feb 2017, Revised Rules and meta-state of /r/puns

Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!


Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.

Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a privilege, not a right, and do try to avoid abusing it! Piggybacking off this, any post that is more 'lewd' than PG should be NSFW tagged. If it is inappropriate for an office setting, I will manually NSFW it, and repeat offenders will have consequences.

Third, you can now request puns! start a self post with [request] and put in whatever information is necessary, such as "[request] puns about clocks".


I'll keep this post stickied for about a week or so, to keep it as a nice feedback net, and we can adjust rules, add/delete/modify them as needed, to keep our subreddit of lovely puns in peak condition!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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Happened last night while watching Den of Thieves with my dad.

Dad: Is that 50 cents?

Me: Yes dad that is 50 cent.

Dad: After this bank robbery he's gonna have to adjust his name for inflation...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DConner777
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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My dad made me feel mature for like, 8 seconds...

He said: "Son now that you're older, I feel like I could use your opinion on some of my business decisions. Can I ask?"

Obviously I nodded yes.

Dad: "Well, 2 days ago I bought a couple balloons for 3 cents a piece. How much should I sell them for after adjusting for inflation?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCats_Bananas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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Did you hear about the psychiatric chiropractor?

He specializes in attitude adjustments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/perezgc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
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My wife said we have a rich sex life

adjusted for inflation

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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Finally adjusted my clocks to daylight savings

No time like the present!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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