It'd make cents off so many levels.
Now all my rooms but the kitchen sync.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
He said the times they were a-changin’.
No time like the present!
They've started offering curbside pickup.
Because they spend years at C
No time like the present!
It has given me a new perspective
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
It will speak volumes to people.
He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.
His office is run by a skeleton crew.
It’s brought my gaming to new heights
Foresees a jolly good fellow.
Me: This looks like a great detective novel.
You: You know. The plot thickens.
....do you stand corrected?
I told her that when my atlas hurts, I just shrug it off.
I stand corrected.
Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."
I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.
A latitude adjustment.
[God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes I think I’m done. Dads:Hi Done, we’re Dads! God: Dads: God: Creates adjustable thermostat
"I stand corrected."
Balloon prices are adjusted for inflation.
we couldn't make it to a gig anywhere
*edit * slightly adjusting wording thanks to input from fellow dads <3
What are fish that star in movies called?
How do you tuna fish?
Adjust their scales
What do you tell a fish when its overreacting?
You need to clam down
That's enough fish puns for today
We should scale back
The man waits for a while and the doctor comes out to tell his findings. The doctor says, "Your wife did not have a heart attack. She just has acute angina."
Adjusting his hearing aid, the husband says, "Listen here young man, don't go talking about my wife's privates like that! I know she's cute down there!"
Let me adjust my thermos tat..
Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)
Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."
Grunts and cringes ensued
He really needed an attitude adjustment.
Dad: Is that 50 cents?
Me: Yes dad that is 50 cent.
Dad: After this bank robbery he's gonna have to adjust his name for inflation...
Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!
Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.
Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a... keep reading on reddit ➡
He said: "Son now that you're older, I feel like I could use your opinion on some of my business decisions. Can I ask?"
Obviously I nodded yes.
Dad: "Well, 2 days ago I bought a couple balloons for 3 cents a piece. How much should I sell them for after adjusting for inflation?"
He specializes in attitude adjustments.
I helped out a manager at another area of my work place, bringing a leveler to adjust a table. After I finished, I was walking back to my work area when I noticed a guy who works there had his dinner out in a sealed Tupperware.
This guy has been on a food diet for some months. I walk up to him, place the level atop of his Tupperware. When the bubble rests in between the lines, I tell him "Looks like you're maintaining a well-balanced diet." He shook his head at me and I continued on my way.
"Why's that?" "They'd be making to much adjustments."
We recently adopted a rabbit and the shelter had named him Justin. We wanted to rename him and it's since been a running joke since Justin is, in our opinion, not a very rabbit-like name. He was also really skittish and we've been working in socializing with him. So today (day 6) my boyfriend asks me:
"So would you say he is adjusted yet?"
To which I replied, "No, he's a-justin" (adjusting)