If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
Why were the guest performers arrested after the concert?
Because they stole the show.
Why is tinnitus a good guest for your holiday party?
It specializes in ringing in the new ear!
Shoutout to my coworker for coming up with half of this amazing joke
Guests always left hungry
When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.
I said, "No. We only have spirits here."
I invited my guests to take a tour of my house
They asked me, "What's upstairs?"
I replied," Unfortunately, stairs don't talk."
Motel guests in room Q say they used to see him cheating on his wife...
Guest
Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A hen asks her guests what they'd like to drink.
"Tea," says the mouse.
"Water," says the giraffe.
"Pop," goes the weasel.
I guess the food is more fluid with the guests
My neighbor had a BBQ party, and some guest threw a grill at his face.
The attack made headlines.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Did you know Def Leppard's drummer makes the best Thanksgiving guest?
He only ever needs one drumstick.
How do bees welcome their guests?
How does the houseboat owner greet his guests?
“Welcome to my humble a-boat.”
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
The guests in this hotel are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...
Guest speaker and his friend mike..
[totally true story just happened to me:] *the setup* staying in an airbnb... another guest arrives, he is a neuro-surgeon from south korea... interviewing at UCSF - I built that hosptial, so said to him
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
A guest asked about our selection of grilled veggies
Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...
Me: ...and some aren't!
A house guest comments on the number of umbrellas we have at home...
"We're saving them for a rainy day."
Each year I serve my Christmas guests Eggs Benedict plated on hubcaps...
...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.
It was my father's funeral today and my brother has been going round all the guests trying to tell them about his new fish and herbs recipe...
I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!
A guest at the restaurant I work at told me the daddest joke I've ever heard
I was walking by with a jar of olives when he told me:
"You know that was Santa's eighth reindeer, right?"
Me:"Umm, Olive?"
Him:"Yeah, you know the song! ..and olive the other reindeer laughed and called Rudolph names!"
I finished mowing the lawn just before the first guests arrived for our party.
I didn't realize I was cutting it close.
What did the waiter at the Japanese restaurant say to the guest when he accidentally served the wrong soup?
We should have a guest comedian come on here
We could all make jokes at his/her expense - it would be AMAzing
A waiter approached his guest and asked if he was still working on his plate of food
He responded, "No, sir, its the weekend."
The Prime Minister of Japan is meeting with the US President today and Trump told him that if he would spend the night, he'd rename the guest room after him.
The Shinzo Abe Lincoln Bedroom.
This was my Dad's favourite with house guests....
Points to ceiling fan
"This is my biggest fan."
Any guests at your Airbnb?
Me: Yeah, a Brazilian guy
Him: That's a lot of guys!
Can you do feta? Brie my guest.
My dad always brings this one out when guests are over
A guy visiting Australia gets hit by a car and is taken to the ER unconscious. When he comes to, lying on a stretcher, he asks the porter, "Was I brought here to die?".
The porter replies, "No, mate, you were brought here yesterday."
Guest speaker dad joke.
So we had a guest speaker in my class today, (victimology). He had just finished introduced himself and since we have a smaller class he wanted everyone to introduce themselves as well. He wanted to know our names career path ideas, and one interesting fact. Everyone's going around saying the typical stuff in a criminal just class and not very interesting facts. Then a fellow student states her interesting fact that she has never peeled a banana. Everyone was kinda shocked, and when asked why she had explained that she got really sick one time when she was young after having eaten a banana given to her by her mom, (pre peeled). He then looked at her and said, "well I can see why you don't find them very apPEALing...." And then burst out into laughter.
Guest got me at work
I was working in electronics at a local big box store, when this guy comes in and asks where the new Adele CD is. So, I start looking.
Me: Now if I were adele, where would I be...?
Him: Probably in a deli.
I'm surprised Al Rocker wasn't a guest commentator at tonights fight....
After all, he does predict May weather.
What my dad would say to guests when introducing me and my sister.
These are my children from my first marriage. (He is still married to my mom, his first wife)
Why are potatoes such bad dinner guests?
They usually show up to the party sMASHED or BAKED!
Dad sent me this pic of his dinner "guests"
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are expected to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction
If the Queen of England farts during dinner, the rest of the guests must pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
Royal etiquette: If Queen Elizabeth accidentally burps during dinner, the other guests must pretend that nothing happened.
Because Noble Gases shouldn’t have any reaction.
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