If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 651
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why were the guest performers arrested after the concert?

Because they stole the show.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDreadist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Why is tinnitus a good guest for your holiday party?

It specializes in ringing in the new ear!

Shoutout to my coworker for coming up with half of this amazing joke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Guests always left hungry
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCPStudios
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I invited my guests to take a tour of my house

They asked me, "What's upstairs?" I replied," Unfortunately, stairs don't talk."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anay28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
With special guest star.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Motel guests in room Q say they used to see him cheating on his wife...

room R has it

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Guest

Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Guest to the waiter: β€œCan you bring me what the lady at the next table is having?” /r/Jokes/comments/ewmnrv/…
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenderDeLorean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Guest speaker
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A hen asks her guests what they'd like to drink.

"Tea," says the mouse. "Water," says the giraffe. "Pop," goes the weasel.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I guess the food is more fluid with the guests
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbor had a BBQ party, and some guest threw a grill at his face.

The attack made headlines.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺI mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.

Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know Def Leppard's drummer makes the best Thanksgiving guest?

He only ever needs one drumstick.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How do bees welcome their guests?

They buzz them in.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chirag_was_here
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the houseboat owner greet his guests?

β€œWelcome to my humble a-boat.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yaquinaking
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."

Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eccohawk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
The guests in this hotel are always stealing all the soaps, shower gels and shampoos from their rooms...

Dirty bastards!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoliH-Entai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Guest speaker and his friend mike..
πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderFishy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
🚨︎ report
[totally true story just happened to me:] *the setup* staying in an airbnb... another guest arrives, he is a neuro-surgeon from south korea... interviewing at UCSF - I built that hosptial, so said to him

Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....

He did not get it...

(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
A guest asked about our selection of grilled veggies

Fiancee: Let's see: summer squash...

Me: ...and some aren't!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crgk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
🚨︎ report
A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThiccGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A house guest comments on the number of umbrellas we have at home...

"We're saving them for a rainy day."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sev-Enn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Each year I serve my Christmas guests Eggs Benedict plated on hubcaps...

...because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstralTraveller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
🚨︎ report
It was my father's funeral today and my brother has been going round all the guests trying to tell them about his new fish and herbs recipe...

I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossage99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
🚨︎ report
A guest at the restaurant I work at told me the daddest joke I've ever heard

I was walking by with a jar of olives when he told me: "You know that was Santa's eighth reindeer, right?" Me:"Umm, Olive?" Him:"Yeah, you know the song! ..and olive the other reindeer laughed and called Rudolph names!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I finished mowing the lawn just before the first guests arrived for our party.

I didn't realize I was cutting it close.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daytonatrbo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the waiter at the Japanese restaurant say to the guest when he accidentally served the wrong soup?

Miso sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eldowns
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
🚨︎ report
We should have a guest comedian come on here

We could all make jokes at his/her expense - it would be AMAzing

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scandiumflight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
🚨︎ report
A waiter approached his guest and asked if he was still working on his plate of food

He responded, "No, sir, its the weekend."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drmcnaughty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
🚨︎ report
The Prime Minister of Japan is meeting with the US President today and Trump told him that if he would spend the night, he'd rename the guest room after him.

The Shinzo Abe Lincoln Bedroom.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hew3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
🚨︎ report
This was my Dad's favourite with house guests....

Points to ceiling fan "This is my biggest fan."

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mogwan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Any guests at your Airbnb?

Me: Yeah, a Brazilian guy

Him: That's a lot of guys!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlreadyBeenDoneB4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Can you do feta? Brie my guest.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glutnix
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad always brings this one out when guests are over

A guy visiting Australia gets hit by a car and is taken to the ER unconscious. When he comes to, lying on a stretcher, he asks the porter, "Was I brought here to die?".

The porter replies, "No, mate, you were brought here yesterday."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Guest speaker dad joke.

So we had a guest speaker in my class today, (victimology). He had just finished introduced himself and since we have a smaller class he wanted everyone to introduce themselves as well. He wanted to know our names career path ideas, and one interesting fact. Everyone's going around saying the typical stuff in a criminal just class and not very interesting facts. Then a fellow student states her interesting fact that she has never peeled a banana. Everyone was kinda shocked, and when asked why she had explained that she got really sick one time when she was young after having eaten a banana given to her by her mom, (pre peeled). He then looked at her and said, "well I can see why you don't find them very apPEALing...." And then burst out into laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Guest got me at work

I was working in electronics at a local big box store, when this guy comes in and asks where the new Adele CD is. So, I start looking.

Me: Now if I were adele, where would I be...?

Him: Probably in a deli.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyathew10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm surprised Al Rocker wasn't a guest commentator at tonights fight....

After all, he does predict May weather.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rujahj
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What my dad would say to guests when introducing me and my sister.

These are my children from my first marriage. (He is still married to my mom, his first wife)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clymo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Why are potatoes such bad dinner guests?

They usually show up to the party sMASHED or BAKED!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakingEthan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad sent me this pic of his dinner "guests"
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robina1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are expected to pretend as if nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction

πŸ‘︎ 574
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If the Queen of England farts during dinner, the rest of the guests must pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Royal etiquette: If Queen Elizabeth accidentally burps during dinner, the other guests must pretend that nothing happened.

Because Noble Gases shouldn’t have any reaction.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report

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