I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
What do you call a depressed presenter at a dental convention?
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
Why did only one letter of the alphabet get a Christmas present?
Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
Why don't trees get Christmas presents from Santa?
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
i got this as a birthday present and thought this sub would appreciate a good music pun
I have this incredible talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present.
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar
And things got a little tense.
Who brings a linguist their Christmas presents?
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
What’s the best present you can gift?
A broken drum kit.
Nobody can beat that....
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
What is the best house warming present?
My weird talent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present.
How do toads open presents?
My wife asked me to help her wrap presents...
So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.
"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"
She wasn't as amused as I was.
I got to open a present early. It was anti-gloating cream
I can't wait to rub it in
They really PRESENTED these jokes
The Pasta, Present and Future [OC]
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
Every year Santa delivers presents to the kids....
....based on what their parents income is.
Teenagers are no longer getting many Xmas presents
Because they are in the noughties list.
What’s a Christmas present’s favorite sport?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: "Blues Lee"
A monk goes into a pizza shop
A monk goes into pizza shop and says “Can you make me one with everything”
I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then where’s my present?
Which musician gives the nicest Christmas presents?
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
What do you call the most current Samsung that is presently available?
Santa got Coronavirus this year so Mrs Claus had to take over toy production, orders, and present deliveries.
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
The past, present, and future walked into a bar...
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar,
Things got a little tense.
What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
What is always wrapped up in the present ?
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what is inside a wrapped present.
Every year Santa delivers presents to kids....
.....based on what their parents income is.
What’s a Christmas present’s favorite music?
The past, present and future walk into a room.
Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So where’s my present?!
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar
Things got a little tense
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get a Christmas present?
Because the rest of the letters were not-E.
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