Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally
Me: When did my resume learn to talk?
Do you guys remember that Chris Farley SNL sketch where he played the timid interviewer guy?
Getting interviewed for a job as a blacksmith: Interviewer: Do you have any experience shoeing a horse?
Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.
At a job interview the interviewer asked me why i had a 4 year gap in my resume. I told him, that it’s because i went to yale. He looked impressed and told me i’m hired.
Interviewer: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"
Me: "I Excel at it."
Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word".
Interviewer: We only hire people who are responsible.
Me: Well, your search ends today.
At my previous job, whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
Interviewer: "So, how was your last job in a nut shell?"
Me: "I never worked in a nut shell."
Interviewer to Wright brothers ,"Where do you see yourselves in 5 years"?
My interviewer asked if I could preform under pressure.
I said no, but I can do a good Bohemian Rhapsody
Interviewer: What did you do at your last job?
Me: I played video games
Interviewer: Why were you terminated?
Me: I played video games.
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?
No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: Verbally. But I’ve also prepared a dance.
I was at work when i passed by the interviewer's office and saw a small bear walk out depressed, I went in and asked "Whats his deal?"
They said he wasn't Koalafied
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure
Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody
Interviewer: So why do you think you’d be a good waiter?
Well, I can bring a lot to the table.
Interviewer: So you're the guy who invented pillars?
Guy: Yep.
Interviewer: Pillar is kind of a strange name, why go with that?
Guy: I didn't know what else to call 'em.
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him “So why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied “Well, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked whether I had a criminal record.
I replied: "No. Is that still a requirement?"
A man is interviewing for a job in the mines. The interviewer asks, “would you prefer mining for iron or copper?”
The man replies, “Either ore works!”
Interviewer: what level of expertise do you have with spreadsheets?
I kept telling my interviewers that I’m not a plumber, but they offered me the job anyway.
It took a long time to let that sink in.
Interviewer: What are your thoughts about Harry Potter as a character?
JK. Rowling: He's good in my book.
The interviewer caught me lying on my CV.
"Get up!" he shouted. "Why the hell are you trying to sleep in an interview?"
Interviewer: “So Serena, what’s your favourite planet?”
Serena Williams: It’s Venus.
Interviewer: I’m sorry Venus, could you put Serena on the phone?
An interviewer asked me, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
I replied, "Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision"
Interviewer: Your reference letters said that you take things too literally.
Me: Whoa! Reference letters can talk now?
The job interviewer asked me about my previous experiences.
I said, "Well, I got the bus...went for a coffee...then walked here."
Dad joked my interviewer today.
So i went in for an interview at my local State college. It used to be a community college a few years ago. The job was for evaluating transcripts and archiving them. Anyway, I get offered the job, and of course a
I accept. We were going over some procedural paperwork, I-9, W-4 you know that stuff.
He asks me my birthday, and I say June 24.
"What year?"
"Every year."
He just stares at me with a bit of a disgruntled expression.
Yeah new boss, I'm going to be that guy.
I dad joked my interviewer.
During a phone interview, I was asked to compute some basic physics problems without a calculator. One question involved estimating if a baseball would clear the fence when hit. I told the interviewer that I would approximate gravitational acceleration to 10 m/s^2 to give me "a ballpark answer."
The interviewer got a little confused there
http://i.imgur.com/y8SJJwv.png
Interviewer: what's your name? Me: Hired.
Interview: You're hired?
Me: Thanks for the job!
Interviewer asked me if I'd be a good waiter...
Well, you could say I bring a lot to the table.
Interviewer: "I see there's a four year gap on your resume. What were you doing then?" Me: "I went to Yale in 2010" Interviewer: "Impressive! You're hired"
Me: "Thanks. I really need this yob"
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That's when I went to Yale... Interviewer: That's impressive. You are hired.
Me: Thanks. I really need this yob.
Interviewer: Why do you think you’ll be a good waiter?
Me: You could say I bring a lot to the table.
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