The Interview Puns

My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"

Interviewer: How do you explain the for year gap in your resume?

Me : I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That's great. You're selected.

Me: Thanks I really needed this yob.

Woohoo, i got a yob! :D

To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.

So he could try to get a foot in the door

“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked “who is he?”

The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?"

I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."

I've answered 'I've never kept a lighthouse before, but I'm willing to try'.

She said she'll give me a call.

Her: It’s Venus.

Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?

So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying “Nice to see you, to see you....”. Only once did someone respond.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

“Well, the movie ended, so...”

She just doesn’t have the balls anymore

"Someone help! Please! I'm in a nutshell! It's small and cramped in here!"

He didn't have the right koalafications

“You’ve found your man,” I responded, “whenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

I didn't get the job.

I needed more Thyme

They're all booked up.

He was trying to get 30.48 cm in the door.

It’ll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

A cactie

They didn't hire me. They said I was underkoalafied.

Interviewer: if you had to describe yourself in 3 words, what would they be?

Interviewee: Me? Lazy.

"I'm kind of a big wheel."

Jenna Bush Hager interviews her dad (Bush 43) for an NBC special on the opening of his art exhibition at the Bush Presidential Library. About a minute in, he slips in a pretty good dad joke:

Jenna: Do these people know that you are painting them?

Bush: Sort of. There's no telling how these people are going to react. I think I told Tony [Blair] I was painting him and he sort of brushed it off.

Jenna: No 'art pun' intended.

Bush: That was definitely an art pun.

http://www.today.com/video/today/54864022#54864022

Edit: Grammar.