Dad, what’s a commentator?
Oh, just a regular old potato.
We were watching the news when the commentator said that "several Brazilian skydivers died when their parachutes failed"...
My son burst into tears. I explained, "yes, buddy, it's sad, but they knew what they were getting into". My son replied, "I know, but it's still so sad. I mean, how many are in a brazliian? Is more than a million?"
Commentator
Everytime someone is announcing a football game or the like, my dad says something along the lines of,
"He's an ok commentator, but he's no royal spud!"
He then procedes to grin with that self-pleased dad smile.
Commentator
Situation: we're playing cards and Tyler starts doing a play by play of what's happening so my sister says, "what are you a commentator?" Then my dad goes, "not like a unique vegetable?" ( common tater)
I'm surprised Al Rocker wasn't a guest commentator at tonights fight....
After all, he does predict May weather.
Some more classic Reddit comment puns
In honor of former president Donald J. Trump
Sick of everyone’s swiney comments about my ring
I dream to be this commenter one day.
Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
That’s just unpresidented
Boss: How's that new glue?
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What do call a bike trail that shows no empathy.
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
What do you call someone who points out the obvious?
Someone who points out the obvious.
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
My wife was commenting on one of our cats and its big belly. I said, "I don't get it. She eats protein all day...
...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
Why was 4 afraid to ask out 5?
Because he was 2 squared.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
"Gloria in Excel sheets Deo"
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
Was scrolling through the comments of ask Reddit when I found this gem
If I had 50 cents for every maths Exam I failed
There was a post about a teen holding his own heart in his hands after a heart transplant, I thought these comments belonged here
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments
“They’re going to be napping papers”
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
I was taught to never use the Oxford comma
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
U/JBJorr said this in a comment but I thought it deserved its own post “ I pulled a small prank on the elevator
Why won't swords go obsolete?
They are cutting edge technology.
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
What is the longest word?
Smiles. Because there's a mile between the two s.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
